Forgiveness

A few weeks ago, I was following a discussion online about the topic of forgiveness and although it is a topic that I periodically see come up, I realized that I had not yet directly written about it in my own column.  My first thoughts were that this is not an easy subject for many people, because everyone who has had to contend with this in their lives may have wounds of varying depths and degrees.  I remember when I was in high school and Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), had become an influential organization.   It was created out of the necessity for mothers to bond and feel that their child's life had not been taken in vain, while finding a purpose in this type of tragedy as they tried to prevent future heartbreaking losses.  Fast forward to today and there a number of other such worthy organizations which focus on saving lives and helping others by sharing the experience of a personal pain.  Along these lines, I recalled watching a news special on one of the evenings shows several years ago, when a mother had a face-to-face discussion with the person that took her son's life as a result of a crime.  The mother who listened to the individual personally apologize for what he did, took courage to a whole new level.  In addition, that inmate who decided he wanted to face this person that he had caused so much pain to, was equally valiant.  You can certainly say that both of them were in need of healing in their lives and the boldness to face each other was among the hardest things they have had to endure.  I remember the mother at the end of that conversation with tears in her eyes, told that individual that she had to forgive him because she believed in a God that expected nothing less of her.  It was a mesmerizing and touching moment to see and you could almost feel the weight of this great tragedy begin to lift from both of these people after they concluded their conversation.  I have also met people over the years who carried resentment and un-forgiveness towards someone that caused them pain, yet, were still not willing to make peace with them.  The energy that it took to carry such ongoing mental weight in my view, continued to prevent them from mending something that was broken inside of them.  However, until we have experienced something significant of this nature ourselves, it may be difficult to understand what someone else's heartache feels like.  The one thing I know for sure is that it takes a lot of stamina to continue to hold on to negative feelings, while conditioning oneself to purposefully recall anger or resentment on an ongoing basis.  The best advice I ever saw written in a short sentence regarding forgiveness, was that it is needed for you to heal and not necessarily for the person that caused the pain.  I could certainly write a lot more about what I have witnessed related to this topic, however, my purpose is to bring people closer in some way to finding that relief which many may be seeking.  Another saying that sticks out for me related to this topic, is that everyone has a personal story which can break your heart.  These I am sure were born of tragic circumstances which changed the course of people’s lives.  The hardest part is always how one picks up the pieces of something that was broken and begins putting things back in their rightful place.  My deepest hope is that for those who may be contending with this issue, that they find a way to forgive in order to move forward towards a form of curative recovery.  Remember forgiving does not mean forgetting, however, in time you will see that if you can bring yourself to this place, you may find it harder to remember the pain which was caused and why you chose to hold on to it for so long.  My other best advice, is to tell your story to others who may need to hear it.  You could the best example to show people they are not alone and to see what forgiveness can look like personified in others. ☮

“True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience.”

― Oprah Winfrey