Milestones

After the beginning of a New Year, many folks think about the future and attempt to plan what they would like to accomplish in the ensuing time period. I think about this to an extent, however, I like to take a look back to see what was achieved previously for an even greater perspective. By looking at the last 5 and 10 years, I can almost guarantee that personal growth and wisdom has been part of your accompaniment. Part of the inspiration for this column was a news story that captured my attention about six sisters from Brooklyn, NY, who had to overcome many barriers from the beginning of their lives. Their family struggled financially and they were homeless at times. Although they sometimes slept in a car, they all spoke about the fact that they still did their homework and ensured that their education continued to be a priority. Not knowing where you will be sleeping and having the common necessities we take for granted of sleeping in a warm bed and having food on the table, can easily enable us to forget that others yearn for these comforts. For these sisters, despite their circumstances, they were able to overcome all of their adversity and all of them had the exact same lifelong dream of becoming nurses. When the news story caught up to them in present day, all of them already had achieved a masters in nursing degree and they were all finishing specialty programs and training, as they were seeking to achieve their next milestone of entering the world of healthcare. This is what prompted me to begin to think about the different types of breakthroughs that we all achieve over the course of time and we sometimes forget what achievements all of us have had. Just like these six incredible sisters who are the prime example to all of us of not being defined by your circumstances or your past, while keeping your dreams alive and ultimately being able to achieve them. I suggest the walk back in time just for a brief moment to contemplate what once may have been dreams, as you look around where you are today and take stock of those things that you have been able to bring to fruition. For a different perspective, I would also suggest asking some folks in your trusted inner circle to provide you with some feedback of what they believe are some of your successes. I preface this by saying that this exercise is not to be self-centered by any means, just to listen to what others have observed about some of the feats that you have been able to attain, without any bias. When I thought about this, I found that I had minimized some of my own accomplishments as I didn’t think I added the particular importance that was actually associated with them. Ultimately, it is nice to take a deep breath after having revisited some facets of your life knowing that as much as has transpired in prior years, there is still have much to look forward to. As we progress into the ensuing year ahead, be mindful of all that you have been able to realize as you plan for new goals and objectives that may add value to you and those closest around you. Think big and bold as there is no such thing as impossible. For reference, remember the story of the six nurse sisters as you seek to enter into your next phase of a well lived life. Having overcome a difficult beginning to your life, can be the pathway to a different second half of living. When you are able to bask in the milestones that have become a roadmap to what you have achieved thus far, one can still look forward to a great and fulfilling next chapter ahead.

“I look at victory as milestones on a very long highway.”

-Joan Benoit

Finding Personal Joy

I believe my first recollections about finding personal joy came from reading a number of stories in the news which all had some type of negative connotation about them. It is not hard to read a headline, breaking news or other similar highlighted topic on social media that would immediately take you down a rabbit hole of downward spiral conversations. For me, it is too easy to follow those and when you do, you don’t feel like you have forwarded any action. It all ends up making us feel like there is a heavier weight on our shoulders and one can even lose some sleep at night if you keep running some of these topics over and over in your head. What I have attempted to do over the recent years of my adult life, is to put some concentrated effort on finding the joyous moments that exist in varied amounts throughout a given day. It is quite interesting when you begin to put some effort into specifically looking for these gems and as time goes on, they come with a larger frequency and in greater amounts. One can begin their day by meditating, saying an affirmation, praying or deliberately speaking to yourself about what you would like to accomplish, as it relates to finding purposeful moments. Being intentional about what you wish to seek can open a door that can bring with it a swift enveloping wind which can embrace you with a warm hug and make you realize that there is much to be grateful for. My mom finds many of these moments in her precious garden which is adorned by the many types of different roses that paint her front and back yards with vibrant colors taken out of a beaming rainbow. Whenever I visit her, I take time to walk around and admire up close the beauty that exists there, while taking with me a wonderful aroma that can be stored in my memory’s inventory for any future date. In addition, my mom has also taken to providing a sanctuary for the many different birds who visit her backyard on a regular basis. My Siamese cat Diego made a trip with me recently and much different from the view outside of my windows at home, his eyes danced back and forth as he saw doves, pigeons, crows, hummingbirds and some other bird species that I could not recognize populating her backyard. I laughed just watching him as he took all of this in from the ledge of a dining room window, while the birds jumped in and out of different bird baths, ate from bird feeders and congregated amongst each other in this large aviary yard. Other folks may find joy in cooking, baking or finding happy moments in their kitchen. Perhaps you may get this fulfillment from various forms of nature; the desert, an ocean, lake, mountains or other bodies of water that you find this type of jubilance. Doing so can add a more purposeful balance to your life which can end up bringing more smiles to your face. I personally think if you have too many wrinkles due to excessive smiling or laughter, it is worth wearing those like badges of honor for the world to see. My point in all of this is that you can seek any moment of joy by being intentional. In closing, think about all of those things that can be this conduit in providing you with resolute cheer. Seek out the moments of personal joy which can transcend your day, week, month or year. Remember that you can orchestrate this for yourself and your loved ones around you. All you have to do is put some conscious effort and then wait to see what may arrive in those special instances that can be transformative in providing you with a higher level of fulfillment.

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river 

moving in you, a joy.”

― Rumi

Unconditional Giving

I had this discussion with a good friend of mine several weeks ago about the life lessons we have learned and how we remember the instances when we were taught something deep and meaningful. We spoke about unconditional giving and how difficult it can be to do this, especially when we begin to look for excuses about why we can’t. Take for instance the person on the street that may ask for money and we typically make a quick judgement about whether they need it, what they will use it for or perhaps we even go a step further and wonder why they seem able bodied and could possibly be working for a wage. All of these things may cross our minds all at once or in increments. The bottom line is what will we do at the conclusion? In addition, I thought about the holidays and when that comes around, we tend to have a softer spot for people in need and perhaps it is the spirit of the season that can spur us to be more generous as a result. Then more recently, you have a natural disaster like the one that occurred on the island of Maui and your heart goes out to the many affected folks and then you may look for opportunities to make a contribution that may help. All of these are opportunities for us to choose a way to potentially make a difference in the life of someone afflicted by something that has caused them to be in a vulnerable situation. Even more poignant is that the people affected must humble themselves enough to ask for help, in whatever form that may be.  This could be a very apprehensive time for someone who may not be used to asking for assistance. All of us are constantly presented with choices to help others, the issue that still persists is are we listening to our inner voice that points us to help or are we ignoring it? I wrote a long time ago about my own grandmother and how she taught me this lesson, as she would always carry lots of change in her purse and when someone asked her for money, she never hesitated and gave it without thinking twice.  Once, she asked me to give money to a woman outside of a restaurant who was asking for money, I initially refused and she promptly admonished me and told me to do as I was told. I reluctantly gave the woman the money and came back into the restaurant and when I sat down with my grandmother again, I gave numerous reasons for how this person was going to use the money to do bad things. My grandmother let me speak my mind and when I finally stopped, she looked at me and told me that it was her money and she could do what she wanted with it. She also proceeded to tell me about how she struggled coming to this country and if it wasn’t for the kindness of many strangers, she would not be where she was then. I never spoke about that after this and it wasn’t until she was gone that I realized the lesson she had taught me through her personal example and testimony.  I am sure many of you have been taught lots of different wonderful things by a close relative, friend, peer or perhaps even a stranger.  My hope is that you are willing to open your heart and mind to the possibility of what can occur if you follow your positive instinct in the process.  I highly encourage you to look for the opportunity that may present itself to you and choose to give without expecting anything in return. There are many ways to give, other than just through monetary means, so you get many opportunities to select from.  You will be amazed at what that transformative experience can do for your life and how your sense of self changes in the process.  It is absolutely true that it is better to give than to receive, you just need to make it a habit and do so without making a big spectacle in the process. The right eyes will be watching and more importantly by the time you go to bed at night, think about the smile you will have on your face before falling asleep when you realize how much joy this has brought you.  I hope you continue to look for instances of being of service to others and that you get to experience the true happiness and joy that comes when you give and let go. 

“Help others without any reason and give without the expectation of receiving anything in return.”

― Roy T. Bennett

No Limits

I saw a story on television several weeks ago that I thought was a rerun and had seen previously. It was about a father and his son with cerebral palsy, who competed in over 247 triathlons, while the dad began his first of many different endurance races at age 36. According to him, he was not in the best shape when he began, yet, he wanted to compete with his son who was unable to physically do many of these things because of his disability. Dick Hoyt and his son Rick, became hometown heroes in Massachusetts over the years, as they evolved from running races, with the dad pushing his son on a special wheelchair. In video footage Rick would light up with excitement from being with his dad in all of these competitions and when they took it up another notch to race in triathlons, they elevated physical endurance to new levels. I felt like I had seen this story before, because I remember following them over the years when they made the news. They also provided much motivation for many other families with children with disabilities that were able to compete with their parents, even in just walking together while pushing a wheelchair when a race competition was in their town. They amassed a following of people who would go to cheer them on if they happened to be in their city for a race. As it turned out I was watching this interview with both of them, because it was Father's Day Weekend and they wanted to focus on a special dad like Dick, who heightened the meaning of what a father is, through the many years that he competed with his son. Interestingly enough in the interview with Rick, it was discussed how he actually lived alone in an apartment with the aid of assisted living. Dick spoke about how proud he was that his son, who although was severely disabled physically, was extremely bright and smart, while still wanting his independence from his dad. Rick was also a college graduate with a degree in Special Education which took him many years to complete due to his disability. However, Rick persevered just like his father and even got a job at Boston College working in a computer lab helping to develop systems to aid in communication and other tasks for people with disabilities. Their story is special in so many ways because it has all of the elements of what it takes for one to overcome obstacles in life, no matter what hurdles one may be facing. In re-looking at their story, I thought about times in my own life where I believed I was going through such tough periods that I would not be able to overcome them. Miraculously, I always did and now when I look back at my own stumbling blocks, they don't seem to be as monumental as I remember them to be. It's funny how life gives you this different perspective, if you get the privilege of living more years on this earth. Going back to this special Father's Day Story, what I was not prepared for was the ending. I thought both father and son were still doing well, even though Dick ran his last marathon in 2014 and had shifted into retirement watching his son continue to excel in life. However, the story also provided updates to their lives and I was unaware that Dick had passed away in his sleep in 2021 at the age of 80 years old. Stunningly, I was also unaware that his son Rick passed away in 2023 at the age of 61 from respiratory complications. I sat at the end of this special interview with tears, albeit because of the sad news at the end, I think I was even more emotional in looking at their interviews that they spliced over the years and saw the deep love of a father and son. In one particular interview, Dick was asked about his feelings of having competed for so many years with his son in tow. Dick went on to say that when he began, he was out of shape and was not in the best condition to run any type of race, marathon or unfathomable to consider a triathlon. He looked at the camera and began to tear up, because he credited his having better health and being in great shape to his son Rick. The interviewer ended with a statement, that his son actually saved his life and then the full tears came from Dick as he wept and said yes. I was so emotional at the end of this segment, yet, I was also grateful to have seen it. I was reminded over and over about the importance of family, love, faith, resilience, community and so much more. I am so thankful to both of them for showing the world what can be achieved as they broke down barriers, especially for those with disabilities about what is possible in this life. I hope you are able to watch some of their inspiring videos, as there are many and will continue to live on via the internet. I know that they will inspire many other folks for generations to come and serve as a great example of the love between a father and son while beating great odds may look like to the rest of the world.

“Too many of you are doing great stuff in small ponds, it's time for a stir-up, break limits, break boundaries, breakthrough. Go, make it happen!”

- Bernard Kelvin Clive

Your Dreams and Reality

Several weeks ago, I saw a great story about the first black female journalist in the Western United States and her name is Belva Davis.  She is an extraordinary example of persevering to achieve your dreams and while she overcame so much as the first in her profession and geographic area of the country, her quote stood out like a beacon of light when I heard it.  "Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality.  If you can dream it, you can make it so".  Although her story is fascinating having to overcome so much in the world of television broadcasting that has been dominated by men, she blazed a trail for other women who would come after her.  That quote made me think about so many other things that I wanted to focus on as part of my column for this edition.  Just the thought that your dreams can become reality makes for some great thought-provoking conversation, even if you are by yourself.   When I first think about dreams, I go back to my childhood and remember wanting to live in a big house with a swimming pool and having all of the great amenities that could be afforded due to some form of wealth.  I think many of us can relate to having similar dreams.  Then as an adult the imaginative thoughts evolved to many other types of different things which included; peace, tranquility, serenity and health.  I know for a fact that my 10-year-old self would have never listed these things which I now cherish so much more.  Then when I heard Ms. Davis's quote, I was reminded about how many of our dreams do come true, however, the way they manifest themselves sometimes appear in different forms.  Think about the great dream of winning the lottery along with the items you have imagined you would buy with all of that new money. I used to joke with a co-worker of mine many years ago, that buying a $1.00 lottery ticket was way better than going to therapy.  With that one ticket, we could talk about all of our hopes and dreams along with what a better life we would have as a result.  I also recall during my college days and I would watch the TV show "Cribs" on MTV.  You would peek into these mansions of famous people with so many extravagant things inside along with a garage of luxury vehicles.  My college roommates and I would talk about how we too would have something like that once we graduated and moved on to our adult chapters.  Now I just smile at the many thoughts that ran through our underdeveloped minds and how things are much different now.  Yet, this quote from Ms. Davis resonates strongly, in that speaking something into the universe that you really want does come from a powerful place.  I also realized some time ago, that in order to make dreams turn into reality one should be very specific.  I had many dreams that came true in my life, however, in looking back over the years, I realized that I lacked specificity for many of the things which did occur.  What has not changed is that you do have control over what you want to achieve in your life.  Much of what we want does eventually come to us, although usually it is a result of lots of hard work and dedication.  Other items take longer periods of time while utilizing habitual practice before one finally sees an outcome.  What cannot be lost in all of this is that one must continue to have dreams as life is not over, until we finally get to leave this earth and if you believe in it, you can look forward to the great beyond.  I hope that many of you remember the dreams that you had as a child, teen and adult.  Take inventory of the many items that you did manifest as a result and continue to keep your new dreams alive as well.  Always maintain bold dreams and your higher power, the universe, God or whomever it is that you put your greater level of faith in, will put things in motion for you.  Just understand that those items that are for your personal good are usually what comes to fruition.   Being thankful for the dreams that did not come true can also be another column all by itself, as many of us don't realize until much time has passed, that not all things end up adding value to our lives and some things just do not bring you anticipated happiness either.  Finally, I hope you spend some time thinking about Ms. Davis's words and how you can benefit from being bold in your dreams and then making them so.     

“Dreams are never just dreams; they are reality waiting to happen.”

- Sarah Burton

The Color Between Leaves

During an extended holiday weekend, I was able to catch up on several films that had been on my to-watch list.  One that caught me by surprise was a film titled, "Local Color".  It was an older film from 2009, however, it was one of those that matched my profile, based upon other films I have watched.  When one turns out to be way better than expected I am always very pleasantly surprised, especially when it moves me to write something about it.  This story is about an aspiring young artist who loves painting and other arts.  When he finds out that a famous retired painter lives near him, he does everything he can to meet the artist and when presented with the opportunity he also asks him if he can teach him about painting.  Needless to say, the film is so much more than about painting.  It had many blended life teachings in it which I always find fascinating, in what life lessons can teach us about our journey on this earth.  Armin Mueller-Stahl, plays the part of the tortured retired artist who sees so many things wrong in the world and the lack of appreciation for beauty that is being ignored by many of today's contemporary painters.  The rest of the story, I will let you find some time to immerse yourself in a great little film, however, I wanted to focus on a few of the artist's specific lines which touched me as he was attempting to teach a young eager student.  In one scene the young man shows him a collection of portraits that he has already painted and wants to be critiqued.  The artist looks at all of his paintings and simply tells him that he is painting through the eyes of what others have already seen.  In a poignant moment, he imparts the wisdom he has accumulated through his many years of living, that one must look at life through one's own eyes and not via someone else's.  I loved this, because it reminded me of the many lesson's others try to teach us and yet our most valuable tutorials are learned from the mistakes that we each made and how we reacted to them afterwards.  Another favorite moment was to look through the trees and see how the light which comes through the leaves paints a greater picture for us than the actual tree itself.  This was another teaching moment on ways to see beyond what we sometimes think is right in front of our noses.  Think of the many times one may have been in a situation where you could not find the answer or outcome that was wished for.  In many of those instances, it was not until after we had a breakthrough in a personal situation, where we realized the response that we sought was often much simpler than what we thought.  I could go on for a lot longer dissecting the many other lessons the artist teaches this young man.  However, at the end of it you feel the life teachings which were imparted went far beyond painting substantial and meaningful portraits.  The film provided me with many reminders about what is truly important in our lives.  Among them was the need to connect to others, to help people when you are able and how many of the true joys in our lives come from very simple little things, which in many instances cost little to nothing at all.  I hope that all of you take time on a consistent basis to appreciate the multitude of beauty that is already part of your life, even as unexciting as it may seem.  Remember that witnessing a beautiful morning sunrise or a spectacular sunset with someone to watch it with you as a bonus, can make for a joy filled day.  Finally, also pay attention to the colors that you see between the leaves, the clouds and the stars, along with other nature views that we all may take for granted.  There is beauty all around us, we just have to train our eyes to see it.  Finally, take a moment to appreciate all of the wonders of nature, especially when you find a moment that can easily take your breath away as it fills your heart to the rim with gratitude for having been a witness to it.     

Hope

One of the things which can happen in our lives on different occasions is that we sometimes have to contend with trials or tribulations that were unexpected. Think about the instances when someone has an injury or suffers the loss of a loved one, we are then thrown into a tailspin as we try to pick up the pieces, after assessing where we are and how we will move forward. We see it happen more often than not, when you take a glimpse at the news and you realize a sudden tragedy has occurred as folks try to navigate not only their fragile emotions, along with making sense of something that was not planned and caused much pain. I for one try not looking at the news at the end of the evening, just so that I don't have those last images or messages in my head before going to sleep. If you follow any type of social media, one is already bombarded with all of these stories and breaking news events throughout the day. Hence, I save the recorded news casts to watch at my time intervals, so that I have a better sense of managing all that goes on around me. However, the item that I wanted to focus on in this column was on how to not lose hope and keep it alive despite the circumstances you may find yourself in. One of the definitions of hope that I found indicates the following; to cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen or be true. When you look at examples of people around the world who were champions of this emotion, one can point to folks who were steadfast in their belief that their circumstance would ultimately change or they sought the silver lining in the storm that they were part of. You also have many folks whose anchor of emotion is tied to their faith as they see it going hand-in-hand. When I am most amazed by some great examples of hope, it is when you hear a person fully resigned to the fact that they will be seeking the positive which can come after having survived a monumental tragedy. Think about the folks that may have exemplified this in your life. For me I have lots of great examples in the people who formed me, such as my own grandmother and mother. They at different periods in their life faced many difficult obstacles that would have deflated anyone or would have caused a prolonged lack of hope. However, what they showed the world and myself was that we need to have a spirit of perseverance, despite how low you may feel. Although life can knock anyone down, I was given the example that I should never simply give up on anything that I believe in. I am sure many of you in your own families have countless similar examples and the legacy of strength which was passed on to you to learn from was to keep that flame of hope alive for others to see. Hence, the examples are usually all around us, if we pay enough attention. Those heroes who may not have sought attention and preferred to do things quietly, are perfect illustrations of the shining lights which continue to illuminate our path. We must always remember that dark periods are not permanent and by keeping hope alive, you will be able to get through these and other challenging periods of your life. Remind yourself of your personal family heroes or perhaps your immediate circle of support who have inspired you through their resilient actions. I am sure that by looking at this list of folks periodically, it can help motivate and remind you of the ability to survive and anticipate your personal clearing ahead. Cheers to hope and for you to keep it alive among your loved ones, as all of us need it as part of our ongoing journey. The smallest amount of it in you will continue to blossom like a planted flower and eventually you will experience the beauty which comes from having this flourishing trait in all circumstances.