Sidekicks

Every good hero needs a sidekick.

Batman had Robin. Sherlock Holmes had Watson. Even Dorothy had Toto.

But what about the rest of us?

As I thought about the different chapters of my own life, I realized that I’ve had quite a few sidekicks along the way. Depending on where we are on life’s journey, the companions walking beside us can change. Some stay for only a short chapter, while others remain with us for years. But each one leaves a lasting imprint.

When I was very young, I had a couple of Siamese cats named Felix and Sabrina. My grandmother’s friend gave them to me, and they quickly became part of my world. They also began my lifelong love for the Siamese breed, a love that would return later in my life.

When I think back to my early school-age days, Felix and Sabrina were there at the beginning and end of every day. At night, one would lie on my chest and purr while the other would climb to the top of my head and settle onto the pillow. Somehow, the two of them would synchronize their purring while I drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, I could hear my grandmother yelling from another room that I needed to get ready for school. Meanwhile, all three of us would lie in bed yawning and trying to figure out how we could possibly stay there all day.

They are some of my fondest memories of my first sidekicks.

Several years later, another companion entered my life—a German Shepherd mix named Oso, which means “bear” in Spanish. He went everywhere I went outside. We explored the canals near my grandmother’s house and walked past the fields that stretched beyond the old dirt road near us.

I didn’t know what I was looking for on all those walks, but Oso never seemed to care. He was happy simply to walk alongside me.

Looking back, maybe that was the point. Sometimes you don’t need to know exactly where you are going when you have someone you trust walking beside you.

It wasn’t until I was much older that another sidekick entered my life. Work had overtaken my life, and I was living alone when my younger brother kept insisting that I needed a pet. He would send me pictures of Siamese cats at shelters that needed to be adopted. Eventually, I started searching a pet adoption website myself.

That’s when I came across the story of a Siamese cat whose owner had developed dementia and would sometimes forget to feed her. His daughter was looking for a solution for both her father and the cat, and I felt compelled to respond.

The result was Frida.

She was six years old when she came into my life, and she quickly bonded with me. We spent many nights together watching television or cuddling on my bed. She loved burying herself under the covers, and if there was a warm spot anywhere in the house, you could be sure Frida would find it.

She lived to be about 12 years old before developing kidney disease. Watching my trusted companion slowly drift away because of that illness was incredibly difficult. Losing her left an emptiness that took some time to heal.

Eventually, I decided I would try adopting again.

I drove about 40 miles to meet an older Siamese cat I was considering adopting. But when I arrived, the cat wanted nothing to do with me.

Sometimes, however, life has a different plan.

There was a kitten there that I hadn’t realized was a Siamese. For such a small cat, he had the loudest purr I had ever heard. He immediately clung to me, and when I picked him up, I knew this little guy was the sidekick I needed to take home.

I named him Diego.

Diego was six months old when he came into my life, and he ended up living to the ripe old age of 18 years and two months. A cancerous tumor in his kidney eventually took his life.

I had never had a pet live that long. Diego witnessed so many changes in my life. He met new nephews, traveled with me to visit my mom periodically, and was there during some of the most harrowing times, including when I contracted COVID-19.

Through it all, he stuck by me. Somehow, he always seemed to provide a sense of comfort and resilience, no matter how difficult the day had been.

When I lost Diego, I thought, “Well, it will be quite a while before I even think about adopting another pet.”

Four months later, life had other plans once again.

It was the month I had planned to retire from work when I received a text from a friend. Attached was a picture of a brindle French Bulldog with a simple message: He needed a home.

His owner was moving out of state and couldn’t take him along.

I thought I would go meet him on the Fourth of July last year. After spending a couple of hours visiting with this happy-go-lucky pup, the foster mother asked me if I wanted to take him home.

My friend and I looked at each other. A few minutes later, Jack was sitting in my truck with me, heading toward a new life after saying goodbye to the family who had been caring for him.

Since then, it has been nothing but exercise and adventure for both of us.

Jack makes me laugh throughout the day, and I honestly don’t miss work the way I thought I might after retirement. In many ways, he has filled that space with something I didn’t know I needed.

I can’t say enough about how much I love my new sidekick, or how much gratitude I have for all the others who have shared different chapters of my life.

When I walk Jack Ryan around the neighborhood, we meet all sorts of new friends and their pups. Whenever another dog comes up to say hello, Jack immediately gushes over them, convinced that he has just met his newest best friend and brand-new playmate.

And maybe that is one of the things our sidekicks teach us.

They remind us to be present. To explore. To be curious. To find joy in the simplest things. And, most importantly, to appreciate the companionship we have while we have it.

Our sidekicks may change as we travel through life, but each one walks with us for a reason. They become part of our stories, our memories and, in ways we may not realize until later, part of who we become.

Perhaps that is the real gift of having a sidekick.

They don’t necessarily change the destination. They make the journey better.

Felix and Sabrina were there when I was a little boy trying to figure out the world. Oso was beside me on those long walks when I didn’t really know where I was going. Frida found me during a time when I needed companionship. Diego stayed with me through nearly two decades of life’s changes. And now there is Jack Ryan, reminding me every day that retirement isn’t about slowing down—it’s about having the freedom to enjoy the journey with the right companion beside you.

I’ve learned that we don’t always get to choose when our sidekicks enter or leave our lives. But we can choose to be grateful for the time we are given with them.

So, when you think about the sidekicks who have walked alongside you, I hope it brings a smile to your face, just as it does mine.

Here’s to Felix and Sabrina. To Oso, Frida and Diego. And to Jack Ryan, who is writing the newest chapter with me.

Because life is a journey, and every hero deserves a good sidekick.

Helping Someone Unconditionally

I went to see the new Spider-Man movie a few weeks ago, and I was very pleasantly surprised by what a great job they did with this one. Sometimes, films that are part of large franchises can be disappointing when they miss their mark. But this one really resonated with me.

One particularly poignant scene was when Peter Parker went to take flowers to his aunt’s grave. The epitaph on her grave read:

“When you help someone, you help everyone.”

As I was leaving the theater, those words kept resonating with me. On the drive home, I found myself thinking about the chain reaction that can occur when you help someone without expecting anything in return.

For the most part, we have all been firsthand witnesses to someone being charitable toward another person. For me, one of the earliest and most powerful examples was my grandmother.

She may not have had a lot of money, but kindness toward others was something she displayed on a regular basis. Whether it was offering food to someone who stopped by to say hello or giving change to a person outside a restaurant, my grandmother never missed an opportunity to make a connection with someone.

She would look a person in the eye, say hello, and then reach into the bottom of her purse and give them whatever quarters she could find. She did this without ever expecting anything in return.

As a child, I watched from the sidelines as, day after day, friends, acquaintances, and family members always seemed to have something to give back to her. It took many years for me to realize that the chain reaction I had witnessed throughout my childhood was, in many ways, a direct result of her generosity toward others.

I remember once asking her why she gave money to strangers. She told me that when she first came to this country from Mexico as a young widow, with four children left in the care of her sister and brother, she depended on the kindness of strangers. She said that if it hadn’t been for the people she encountered while looking for work—people who were willing to help her—she might not still be here.

That story stayed with me.

I also think about my own experiences. There were days when I was working and had a particularly difficult day. Sometimes, on my way home, I would stop at the grocery store. I might have been tired and weary, carrying the weight of everything that had happened that day, but the person helping me at the checkout stand would be so friendly and cheerful that, for a brief moment, I would forget about my own long day.

Sometimes, all it took was a smile and someone wishing me a good afternoon.

That simple interaction could give me the little spark of energy I needed to rediscover the joy that had been buried beneath the heaviness of my day.

That is why the reminder of the epitaph in the film, as brief as the scene was, provided me with so much more than just a memorable moment from a movie. It reminded me of the incredible chain reactions that can come from a simple act of kindness—an act that may go unnoticed by many, but never by the person who receives it.

We often have no idea what someone else is carrying. A smile, a kind word, a helping hand, a few quarters from the bottom of a purse, or simply taking the time to acknowledge another person can sometimes mean far more than we realize.

The next time you think about doing something good for someone else, remind yourself that your small gesture may create a chain reaction that reaches people you may never meet. It may come back to you in ways you never expected, filling your own cup of joy until it overflows—and giving you even more to share with others.

Because sometimes, the smallest act of kindness can have the greatest impact.

I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive - Gilda Radner

Trips Around The Sun

This year has been another filled with firsts for me and our family.

Not long ago, I had the privilege of celebrating my 60th birthday surrounded by many of the people I love. Shortly afterward, our family gathered again to celebrate the first birthday of my newest nephew. As I reflected on the "trips around the sun" that each of us is blessed to take—as long as God continues to grant us life—it made me smile and wonder how sixty trips compare to just one.

At my age, I have a lifetime of precious memories to look back on. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of riding bikes outdoors, hiking along irrigation canals, and gathering with my large extended family. Thanks to having so many cousins nearby, birthdays, holidays, and family celebrations seemed to happen all the time. Looking back, I realize those ordinary moments became extraordinary memories.

Between those two birthday celebrations, however, our family also experienced sorrow. We said goodbye to one of my cousins after a courageous battle with cancer. The juxtaposition of celebrating life one day while praying that someone survives a catastrophic illness the next is a powerful reminder of how quickly our lives can change. Joy and grief often walk side by side.

I am deeply grateful for the years I have been given. Many dear friends and family members never received the gift of growing old. While preparing for my own birthday celebration, I gathered photographs of loved ones who are no longer with us. Looking through those pictures didn't make me sad as much as it made me grateful. What an incredible blessing it was to have shared a portion of life's journey with each of them. They filled my life with love, laughter, wisdom, and unforgettable memories.

Then I thought about my youngest nephew. The reality is that I will most likely not be here to see him celebrate his 60th birthday. Yet I hope he is blessed with a long, healthy, and joyful life, surrounded by family who continue to love and encourage him. I hope he has the opportunity to make countless wonderful memories during his own trips around the sun.

During the celebration of my birthday, my mother shared a simple but profound truth. She reminded everyone that one day we are here, and the next day we may not be. I couldn't agree more and those words have stayed with me.

This morning, while swimming laps at the pool, I witnessed another reminder of what truly matters. As I was finishing my workout, a young father arrived with his two little boys. They carried pool toys, laughed without restraint, and eagerly took turns jumping into their dad's waiting arms. Each time they dove into the water, he cheered enthusiastically, hugged them tightly, and kissed their wet cheeks with the kind of affection only a loving parent can give.

It was a beautiful moment.

As I walked home afterward, I couldn't help but think about the memories those two boys were creating. Years from now, I hope they remember not just the pool or the diving, but the joy of spending time with their father—the laughter they shared, the encouragement he gave them, and the feeling of being loved without condition. Sometimes our most treasured memories come from life's simplest moments.

I silently wished that family God's blessings as I continued home. Once again, my thoughts returned to the many trips around the sun that await those two boys and their dad.

For those who lost a parent, spouse, sibling, or another beloved family member far too soon, my heart aches for you. I am truly sorry that precious time—and the memories that might have been—were taken from you too early.

Several months ago, at a high school reunion celebrating our 60th birthdays, I reconnected with a classmate I hadn't spoken with in more than forty years. As we caught up, she shared that she had been widowed several years earlier. I offered my heartfelt condolences, and after thanking me, she said something I have never forgotten.

She told me that she and her husband had shared more than twenty wonderful years together, and that those years gave them their only son. Then she smiled gently and said, "Some people never get twenty years of joy and happiness. I'm thankful for every one of ours."

Her perspective was both heartbreaking and inspiring. Instead of dwelling on what she had lost, she chose to be grateful for what she had been given.

Perhaps that's the lesson these trips around the sun are meant to teach us.

Every birthday is more than another candle on a cake. It is another year of relationships, memories, lessons, laughter, tears, forgiveness, hope, and love. It is another opportunity to leave the world just a little better than we found it.

So the next time you celebrate your own birthday—or someone else's—pause for a moment. Remember what a remarkable blessing it is to be given another trip around the sun. Never take those journeys for granted, because one day each of our trips will come to an end.

When that day arrives, my hope is that we won't measure our lives simply by the number of years we were given, but by the love we shared, the kindness we extended, the faith we lived, and the memories we created along the way.

After all, it isn't the number of trips around the sun that matters most.

It's what we do with each one.

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon

Reluctant Heroes

Some heroes never set out to be heroes. They don’t chase recognition. They don’t seek the spotlight. In many cases, they would rather live quiet, ordinary lives—until the moment comes when they are called to do something extraordinary.

Several weeks ago, I went to the movies to see Project Hail Mary. When it ended, I kept thinking about the main protagonist—a brilliant scientist who had been relegated to teaching after losing his position in the field. Despite being far more capable than the job required, he had settled into a simpler life.

That is, until the world came calling.

Reluctantly, he stepped forward and found himself on a mission to help save humanity. While the film explores many complex themes, what stayed with me most was this idea of the reluctant hero—someone who doesn’t seek greatness, but chooses responsibility when it finds them.

History is filled with people like this.

Some of the most influential individuals didn’t act out of ego, but out of conviction. Saints who gave their lives for their faith without knowing the cost when they began. Artists who poured their souls into their work, never living to see it recognized. Individuals who created, served, and sacrificed—not for reward, but because something within them compelled them to do so.

What they all share is a deep sense of purpose.

Doing what you love has always been a goal for many, but the real gift is finding something so meaningful that it no longer feels like work. When I speak with younger people and the conversation turns to college or career choices, I always offer the same advice: choose what genuinely excites you. Don’t let money be your primary guide.

Passion is the better compass.

I learned that lesson the hard way. When I went away to college, I chose computer science without fully understanding what it required. I quickly realized it was deeply rooted in mathematics—something that had never been my strength. I remember sitting in the back of my first class thinking, What was I thinking?

That moment forced me to confront an important truth: choosing a path without passion leads to frustration, but following what brings you alive leads to fulfillment.

Being a reluctant hero in your own life doesn’t always feel heroic. Sometimes it looks like persistence when others doubt you. Sometimes it feels like quiet determination when no one else understands your path. And sometimes, it means standing firm in what you believe, even when it would be easier to walk away.

I’ve experienced that myself.

There were voices that questioned my direction, moments when doubt crept in, and times when it would have been easier to settle. But deep down, I knew I had to keep going—not to prove others wrong, but to prove to myself that I was capable of more.

So as you move through life’s peaks and valleys, don’t lose sight of what drives you. Pay attention to the things that spark your curiosity, that give you energy, that make you feel fully alive.

Because those are not accidents.

They are clues.

And one day, whether you expect it or not, you may find yourself standing at a crossroads—faced with a choice to step forward, to take a risk, to answer a call you didn’t ask for.

When that moment comes, don’t turn away.

You don’t need to feel ready. You don’t need to feel fearless. You just need to be willing.

Because the truth is, the world is not changed by those who seek greatness—

but by those who choose to rise when greatness is asked of them.

And that opportunity exists for all of us.

Even the reluctant ones.

"You don’t have to seek greatness—only the courage to answer when it calls." 

Looking Around The Corner

As we begin the month of March, many events that have taken place since the start of the year have filled my calendar with upcoming plans. There was a baptism for my newest nephew that celebrated a sacrament and brought our immediate family and friends together for a joyous celebration. There are also planned trips with family in the months ahead, including another cruise this time to Belize, Honduras, and Cozumel. Thinking about all of this made me realize how much lies ahead of us. Although we all may encounter challenging times in life, what remains most important is the attitude we choose to embrace along the way. Several weeks ago, a dear friend of mine informed me that he had been diagnosed with stage one melanoma cancer. Although it was caught early, it still meant that he would have to lose a toe in order to prevent the disease from spreading throughout his body. It was jarring and shocking to receive that text, and immediately I went into prayer mode for my friend and his family. What I did not expect, however, was a late-evening message from him joking that his truck would now technically be considered a “toe truck.” Although it made me laugh, what it really did was cause me to reflect on the attitude he has in facing this challenge head-on. There are countless examples of famous individuals whose human struggles have been well documented. Yet in many of those instances, it is their attitude in the face of adversity that ultimately becomes part of their legacy for the rest of us to follow.

I also recall Saint Mother Teresa, who led a life of service to the poorest and most vulnerable people, predominantly in India. She also traveled throughout the world, visiting many other countries where she focused on those same populations in order to bring light and attention to people in need. I remember watching a film about her life story, and although she appeared to be filled with God's spirit and fully committed to the work she felt called to do, she often questioned where God was amid the devastating poverty, hunger, and illness she witnessed daily. She became a powerful example of how we can all connect with the vulnerable part of ourselves while we wait for answers to some of life’s toughest challenges. If you go to any hospital and look at the intensive care units, you will see many people facing the reality of not knowing if they will be here tomorrow because of the catastrophic illnesses they are battling. When I accompanied my own mother to many doctor appointments during her battle with stage one kidney cancer a few years ago, I saw many of these faces—people in pain, waiting to see a specialist who might be able to provide hope.

When we think about what lies ahead in our lives, although we may look forward to joyful milestones, we can also encounter unexpected circumstances that we had never planned for. Similar to the many examples of resilience that arise from tragic situations, we must remember to remain thankful for the blessings that still exist in our lives, even when something has shaken us. If you are able to walk up or down stairs, remember that many people with mobility issues must adjust their lives because they cannot easily do so. The same is true for people with impaired sight, hearing, or other senses that many of us often take for granted. As we move toward the next chapter of our lives and the events that lie on our horizon, always remember that we have so much to be grateful for. And when you are able, please help someone who may be in need of your time, your resources, or your talents. You will never regret having done so, and you will sleep well at night knowing that you were able to make a difference in someone’s moment of need.

A Year to Contemplate

With the month of January already in full force and almost through it, I did think about how how the New Year can create possibilities that can be fruitful and take us to a new level of being. When I think back to the year that just ended, it was full of firsts for me. It was the year I decided to retire from work as a public servant of the State of California after more than 34 years. That decision did not come lightly, as I contemplated it for over a year before and with the stillness in the night, I kept listening to the whispers from God that kept nudging me to move forward with that decision. It was also a year that marked the loss of my beloved Siamese cat Diego, whom I had for over 18 years and if anyone has had pets in their lives, we all know how much they become part of our family that we sometimes take for granted that they will always be there with us. Diego got me through many tough days and nights, including the Pandemic which I became severly ill with at the beginning of 2021. When I think back to those days of feeling horribly ill with so many different symptoms that went on for almost 2 solid weeks, it was also a moment of enlightenment for me. During the many difficult nights of trying to sleep with many symptoms, Diego sat curled up next to me, never once fearing that he may have gotten infected with the disease. It was during this period of time that I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time (because I lost my sense of smell and taste) and it opened my eyes to the fact that while I was severely overweight at the time, I needed to use this jump start to start living a healthier lifestyle. I ended up getting gastric bypass surgery almost 8 months after getting ill and went through many nutrition classes to help prepare me for that journey.  Thankfully, all went well and since then I did lose another person that was attached to my body it seems like, while finding joy in a new exercise which I absolutely love these days and that is lap swimming.  Over 5 years later, I am still working on better health and continue swimming almost everyday. It became my therapy along with exercise and I have never felt better in my adult years. I thought about all of these changes as I began writing this column and along with other new beginnings that occured this past year, was the adoption of my French Bulldog, Jack Ryan. He came into my life almost a month before I retired when a dear friend sent me a picture of him along with a short story of how his owner had to move out of state and could not take her dog to the new location. I met him on the 4th of July and he came home with me that same day, much to my surprise. He has certainly added a new dimension to my new life as a retiree, while giving me extra exercise everyday with all of the added walking that we now do.  Hence, looking back at the not too distant past while contemplating the brand new year ahead, has definitely given me much perspective about how quickly our lives can change in a short period of time. As I plan for what is to come in this new period ahead, I am also looking forward to turning 60 years old come June, God willing. My friends and I are planning a combined 60th destination birthday weekend which I am sure will be filled with lots of laughs and hopefully many new memories to make among them. As you think about what just transpired over the last year in your life and contemplate what is yet to come, I hope you do all of this with much gratitude that you were able to live as long as you have as well. I know many people within my own circle of friends and family who lost loved ones at a young age and are no longer among us. Remember that we are not guaranteed any days ahead, therefore we must live our best lives while we are still walking on this earth.  In the process, I hope you set some time for yourself to attain peace of mind and share some of your gifts with others as part of the legacy that you will leave behind when that time comes.  Until then, I wish all of you much prosperity, health, joy and laughter as you carve out new memories while remembering all of the great things that have been part of your life thus far.  

Happiness is Your Responsibility

I have seen the happiness topic over and over again when reading about self fulfilment and how to achieve that state of mind. In many versions of what I have seen and read, it comes down to the fact that the responsibility for finding happiness cannot be found in someone or something else. Although, somebody else can add to your happiness factor and enhance it to a great degree, at the end of the day one must find this sometimes-elusive achievement strictly for themselves. Many have attempted to find happiness via a variety of things that are part of our everyday world. One can seek to find it in material things, some of which may be personal wealth, along with purchasing items such as cars or homes or spending money on vacations. There is also the attempting to find happiness by seeking someone else to help satisfy this in you. Remember that when one places a job like this on someone else to fulfill you, it is a responsibility that the other person may not be fully aware of and therefore unable to attain it for you. When I think about my younger self, I certainly had my share of time thinking that material things were always going to allow me to have happiness. However, what it created was a sense of competition among others, as I sought to keep up with my peers on how much I could accumulate as part of this empty search.  I recall going to expensive department stores and buying the latest most expensive jeans, flashy designer shirt or some brand name shoes that everyone seemed to be wearing. What I would end up with was some material items that were only worn a few times before they lost their great appeal. I also accumulated credit card debt that lasted much longer than the items I had purchased.  When I see young adults around me today, I still see much of that younger me in them. Except, technology has dramatically changed since I was young and having the latest ear pods, iPhone, iPad or some other gaming device that is part of today's youth is very much part of their world. The other thing I see vastly different, is that their parents are purchasing these items for them without a second thought. I grew up with much more financial apprehensions, as we did not have a lot of extra money to go around for purchases outside of the traditional food and shelter items. I would have never thought of asking my parents for money as an option to buy something just for me. My saving grace in that department was my grandmother and although she did not have a lot of extra money herself, she always found something in her purse that she could scramble up if I really wanted it. For the most part, my guilty purchases were for records that I would buy at the local music store, forty fives to be exact as they were cheaper than an album. Among my happier and vivid memories of my grandmother buying something for me, was related to her taking me out to a cafe or a restaurant and purchasing lunch for both of us. I was a happy camper with a hamburger, a bag of Lays potato chips with a Coke. I am sure many of you can relate to those simple things that brought you true happiness in your youth as well. At the end of the day, it is always the modest things that brought us true joy.  Hence, if you are seeking to find love perhaps to help fulfill that void that you may have, think again about the true cost of such an endeavor. Other people can help enrich our lives, however, leaving that type of responsibility in someone else's hands is a recipe that you may want to revisit and rewrite before attempting to go down that road. Seek for ways to find peace of mind, a harmonious environment, laughter and most of all, contentment within yourself. Also, don't forget about the art of connecting to others in person, while having a meaningful conversation or even better, a good belly laugh will always be much more valued for everyone involved, as it may resonate with your happiness factor.  Again, take ownership of your own personal journey down this road and if you get to share some of your joy with others as part of your voyage on this earth then I would say you  are well on your way to your desired destination.