Looking Around The Corner

As we begin the month of March, many events that have taken place since the start of the year have filled my calendar with upcoming plans. There was a baptism for my newest nephew that celebrated a sacrament and brought our immediate family and friends together for a joyous celebration. There are also planned trips with family in the months ahead, including another cruise this time to Belize, Honduras, and Cozumel. Thinking about all of this made me realize how much lies ahead of us. Although we all may encounter challenging times in life, what remains most important is the attitude we choose to embrace along the way. Several weeks ago, a dear friend of mine informed me that he had been diagnosed with stage one melanoma cancer. Although it was caught early, it still meant that he would have to lose a toe in order to prevent the disease from spreading throughout his body. It was jarring and shocking to receive that text, and immediately I went into prayer mode for my friend and his family. What I did not expect, however, was a late-evening message from him joking that his truck would now technically be considered a “toe truck.” Although it made me laugh, what it really did was cause me to reflect on the attitude he has in facing this challenge head-on. There are countless examples of famous individuals whose human struggles have been well documented. Yet in many of those instances, it is their attitude in the face of adversity that ultimately becomes part of their legacy for the rest of us to follow.

I also recall Saint Mother Teresa, who led a life of service to the poorest and most vulnerable people, predominantly in India. She also traveled throughout the world, visiting many other countries where she focused on those same populations in order to bring light and attention to people in need. I remember watching a film about her life story, and although she appeared to be filled with God's spirit and fully committed to the work she felt called to do, she often questioned where God was amid the devastating poverty, hunger, and illness she witnessed daily. She became a powerful example of how we can all connect with the vulnerable part of ourselves while we wait for answers to some of life’s toughest challenges. If you go to any hospital and look at the intensive care units, you will see many people facing the reality of not knowing if they will be here tomorrow because of the catastrophic illnesses they are battling. When I accompanied my own mother to many doctor appointments during her battle with stage one kidney cancer a few years ago, I saw many of these faces—people in pain, waiting to see a specialist who might be able to provide hope.

When we think about what lies ahead in our lives, although we may look forward to joyful milestones, we can also encounter unexpected circumstances that we had never planned for. Similar to the many examples of resilience that arise from tragic situations, we must remember to remain thankful for the blessings that still exist in our lives, even when something has shaken us. If you are able to walk up or down stairs, remember that many people with mobility issues must adjust their lives because they cannot easily do so. The same is true for people with impaired sight, hearing, or other senses that many of us often take for granted. As we move toward the next chapter of our lives and the events that lie on our horizon, always remember that we have so much to be grateful for. And when you are able, please help someone who may be in need of your time, your resources, or your talents. You will never regret having done so, and you will sleep well at night knowing that you were able to make a difference in someone’s moment of need.

A Year to Contemplate

With the month of January already in full force and almost through it, I did think about how how the New Year can create possibilities that can be fruitful and take us to a new level of being. When I think back to the year that just ended, it was full of firsts for me. It was the year I decided to retire from work as a public servant of the State of California after more than 34 years. That decision did not come lightly, as I contemplated it for over a year before and with the stillness in the night, I kept listening to the whispers from God that kept nudging me to move forward with that decision. It was also a year that marked the loss of my beloved Siamese cat Diego, whom I had for over 18 years and if anyone has had pets in their lives, we all know how much they become part of our family that we sometimes take for granted that they will always be there with us. Diego got me through many tough days and nights, including the Pandemic which I became severly ill with at the beginning of 2021. When I think back to those days of feeling horribly ill with so many different symptoms that went on for almost 2 solid weeks, it was also a moment of enlightenment for me. During the many difficult nights of trying to sleep with many symptoms, Diego sat curled up next to me, never once fearing that he may have gotten infected with the disease. It was during this period of time that I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time (because I lost my sense of smell and taste) and it opened my eyes to the fact that while I was severely overweight at the time, I needed to use this jump start to start living a healthier lifestyle. I ended up getting gastric bypass surgery almost 8 months after getting ill and went through many nutrition classes to help prepare me for that journey.  Thankfully, all went well and since then I did lose another person that was attached to my body it seems like, while finding joy in a new exercise which I absolutely love these days and that is lap swimming.  Over 5 years later, I am still working on better health and continue swimming almost everyday. It became my therapy along with exercise and I have never felt better in my adult years. I thought about all of these changes as I began writing this column and along with other new beginnings that occured this past year, was the adoption of my French Bulldog, Jack Ryan. He came into my life almost a month before I retired when a dear friend sent me a picture of him along with a short story of how his owner had to move out of state and could not take her dog to the new location. I met him on the 4th of July and he came home with me that same day, much to my surprise. He has certainly added a new dimension to my new life as a retiree, while giving me extra exercise everyday with all of the added walking that we now do.  Hence, looking back at the not too distant past while contemplating the brand new year ahead, has definitely given me much perspective about how quickly our lives can change in a short period of time. As I plan for what is to come in this new period ahead, I am also looking forward to turning 60 years old come June, God willing. My friends and I are planning a combined 60th destination birthday weekend which I am sure will be filled with lots of laughs and hopefully many new memories to make among them. As you think about what just transpired over the last year in your life and contemplate what is yet to come, I hope you do all of this with much gratitude that you were able to live as long as you have as well. I know many people within my own circle of friends and family who lost loved ones at a young age and are no longer among us. Remember that we are not guaranteed any days ahead, therefore we must live our best lives while we are still walking on this earth.  In the process, I hope you set some time for yourself to attain peace of mind and share some of your gifts with others as part of the legacy that you will leave behind when that time comes.  Until then, I wish all of you much prosperity, health, joy and laughter as you carve out new memories while remembering all of the great things that have been part of your life thus far.  

Happiness is Your Responsibility

I have seen the happiness topic over and over again when reading about self fulfilment and how to achieve that state of mind. In many versions of what I have seen and read, it comes down to the fact that the responsibility for finding happiness cannot be found in someone or something else. Although, somebody else can add to your happiness factor and enhance it to a great degree, at the end of the day one must find this sometimes-elusive achievement strictly for themselves. Many have attempted to find happiness via a variety of things that are part of our everyday world. One can seek to find it in material things, some of which may be personal wealth, along with purchasing items such as cars or homes or spending money on vacations. There is also the attempting to find happiness by seeking someone else to help satisfy this in you. Remember that when one places a job like this on someone else to fulfill you, it is a responsibility that the other person may not be fully aware of and therefore unable to attain it for you. When I think about my younger self, I certainly had my share of time thinking that material things were always going to allow me to have happiness. However, what it created was a sense of competition among others, as I sought to keep up with my peers on how much I could accumulate as part of this empty search.  I recall going to expensive department stores and buying the latest most expensive jeans, flashy designer shirt or some brand name shoes that everyone seemed to be wearing. What I would end up with was some material items that were only worn a few times before they lost their great appeal. I also accumulated credit card debt that lasted much longer than the items I had purchased.  When I see young adults around me today, I still see much of that younger me in them. Except, technology has dramatically changed since I was young and having the latest ear pods, iPhone, iPad or some other gaming device that is part of today's youth is very much part of their world. The other thing I see vastly different, is that their parents are purchasing these items for them without a second thought. I grew up with much more financial apprehensions, as we did not have a lot of extra money to go around for purchases outside of the traditional food and shelter items. I would have never thought of asking my parents for money as an option to buy something just for me. My saving grace in that department was my grandmother and although she did not have a lot of extra money herself, she always found something in her purse that she could scramble up if I really wanted it. For the most part, my guilty purchases were for records that I would buy at the local music store, forty fives to be exact as they were cheaper than an album. Among my happier and vivid memories of my grandmother buying something for me, was related to her taking me out to a cafe or a restaurant and purchasing lunch for both of us. I was a happy camper with a hamburger, a bag of Lays potato chips with a Coke. I am sure many of you can relate to those simple things that brought you true happiness in your youth as well. At the end of the day, it is always the modest things that brought us true joy.  Hence, if you are seeking to find love perhaps to help fulfill that void that you may have, think again about the true cost of such an endeavor. Other people can help enrich our lives, however, leaving that type of responsibility in someone else's hands is a recipe that you may want to revisit and rewrite before attempting to go down that road. Seek for ways to find peace of mind, a harmonious environment, laughter and most of all, contentment within yourself. Also, don't forget about the art of connecting to others in person, while having a meaningful conversation or even better, a good belly laugh will always be much more valued for everyone involved, as it may resonate with your happiness factor.  Again, take ownership of your own personal journey down this road and if you get to share some of your joy with others as part of your voyage on this earth then I would say you  are well on your way to your desired destination.  

New Blooms, New Season

As we just concluded this year's end of summer and fall is slowly trying to make its presence known, it made me think about how different our end of summers are now compared to when I was a child. I vividly recall that end of summer when I was young, meant the dreaded return to school after the Labor Day holiday and with that, came shopping with my Mom for the new clothes that were needed as we began the schoolyear. That also came with its own anxiety, as that meant that we would be having a new teacher and new kids in the classroom that were not necessarily the ones that were our close friends. For me, it was that whole thing of trying to fit in with this new group of kids and having that feeling that perhaps I wasn't fitting in, while others acclimated very well in complete contrast. The one positive thing that I also remember about September was that while our favorite television shows were on hiatus in the summer months, they were set to return as the beginning of fall was approaching. With that, I also had this separate joy in knowing that a new season of cartoons would be coming and they would have previews of what to expect. All of that was very exciting for me, as I grew up a latch key kid, as my parents worked long hours and although I spent most of the time with my grandmother, she worked nights and I would have to stay by myself watching television as I waited for her to get home.  Fast forward to today and again things are so much more different for the young kids around me. I noticed that schools began their new terms some in mid August and there is no new slate of television shows waiting for anyone, as most people are utilizing their streaming devices and can download pretty much anything they want at any given time.  In a way, I feel a bit sad for the children of today as their world is much more calculated and less spontaneous than mine was during the same time period.  I have nephews that play football in school and their end of their summer was uprooted by the return to practice football games and getting back in shape for their new season.  The other thing that I do appreciate about the end of summer, is the return to NFL football and although I enjoy watching many sports, I must say the football is my favorite along with this changing time of year. As we quickly move forward through the remainder of this month, I hope many of you reflect on how your new season ahead will transpire as we begin this time period. It is another perfect opportunity to think about what other changes can be in store for you as part of the new seasonality. Like the changing seasons that our plants, trees and flowers outside await in aniticipation for with new blossoms coming, we too can seek what other things we may want to have bloom in our lives as we continue to await the changing colors of the leaves outside. I too look forward to a chilly morning outside that is crisp, as the cool morning air greets us when we step outdoors. With that, perhaps we too can change our proverbial color, into a new hue that we have been waiting to try out as a result. Cheers to another fruitful summer gone by and I will raise a glass to the season that awaits ahead with a big smile and wonder what else will be in store for me in this new phase that I will welcome with open arms.    

Turning the Page

I recently concluded a career after over 34 years and although I keep getting asked what does it feel like, I am still feeling my way through many things. The conclusion was taxing in that my schedule became very full towards the end, as many folks sought to have one last meeting with me before I checked out. Each of those meetings were also filled with a different emotion for me, as I tried to be as calculated as possible in what I would say and which words I hoped would stay behind with those that would be continuing with their work journeys.  Although I kept looking forward, I was definitely caught up in the many moments in which I would reflect during a pause of a meeting and mentally walked through the thought that this would be my last meeting with this person or entity.  After finishing a long last day of work, I recall coming home feeling mentally exhausted, as I had no more energy left in me for that day. It didn't help that I had just adopted a French Bulldog who now goes by the name of Jack Ryan and upon my daily returns home, we were in training with each other as we made our way through new bonding of a family pet and its new owner. Jack Ryan was definitely a blessing, without me initially not realizing it. He made me concentrate on something other than work and the finishing of a beloved career, while making me laugh with his tricks and playful antics as we acclimated to early morning walks with just the two of us. These walks have become therapeutic as I continue to contemplate this new chapter that is unfolding in front of me.  My days seem to be filled with lots of appointments that I had pushed to the side previously and among my new focus, is to spend more on my own personal self care that I would have easily pushed to the side previously due to work priorities.  For those of you who may be at the beginning of a new chapter or perhaps this resonates with a prior experience of a new beginning, I am sure you can all relate to being excited and a bit apprehensive all at the same time. The good part about my new beginning was that I had plenty of examples of people that went before me and I learned something from each of them about how not to wait until you were much older to begin the retirement chapter. I have been decompressing for the last several weeks and it has been a good opportunity to pause and think about what other new ventures I want to take on, at my own leisure of time.  Although I do have some travel plans, I also am joining new organizations as a board member, where I hope to lend some of my knowledge, skill and experience to an entity that welcomes new ideas as well. When I started this blog, I meant what I said then as I do now, the opportunity to change is a daily decision and I hope everyone chooses wisely.  You don't have to wait to begin a new chapter of anything, as it all comes down to your own desire to do something new and feeling passionate about how you want to use your talents in a different capacity.  I encourage all of you to think about those things that you have been putting off for a future date and consider adding some timelines to get to the answer of when would it be a good time?  Also, remember that when you have quiet down time and you begin hearing what I call "whispers from God", is the time to contemplate what will be your next step.  If there is something burning inside of you that is waking you up at 3am or some other odd time that deserves your undivided attention, please take notice and give it the time it merits.  Consider how far you have been on your current journey and where is it that you really want to go that doesn't feel like work. That feeling of wanting to do something that doesn't feel like work is called passion and everyone has it inside of them. I hope you listen to those whispers when they come and that you begin putting action behind those thoughts, as you prepare for your next chapter. I also wish for you to embrace the change that comes with all of this, as you set sail for the journey that now awaits as you decide to turn your own page. 

What We Deserve

I was watching a movie that I had not seen in a few years and as I remembered some of the scenes that were playing out, I had to stop after hearing a line from one of the characters that I couldn’t recall. The person stated, “we accept the love we think we deserve”. This made me pause as I reflected for several minutes about what they were saying. It was a teacher speaking to a student and he went on to explain further. To him it meant that people tend to end up in relationships where they are treated as well or as poorly as they believe they merit. If someone thinks they are undeserving of real love and affection, they may accept a toxic or abusive partner instead. The quote suggests we must believe we deserve goodness before we can have it. This was quite deep and yet, as I thought about the first time I possibly heard about love, as a very young person I did not have any sense of fully describing what that meant to me. That is because there are no biases or other learned behavior due to having that pure innocence that slowly starts peeling away from us in layers as we get older. It further made me think about the things that we believe we deserve beyond the feeling of love, affection or other emotional connections. How often do we ask ourselves about what we deserve and then follow it up with why haven’t we received that yet?  I suspect that as an adult with lots of learned behavior which comes through life’s experiences, we get to these instances where we take inventory of what we have achieved and look at what other things we believe we still can add to our list of accomplishments. Having self-awareness of oneself is quite helpful to quickly assess what are our attributes that can still help us achieve our next conquest. In addition, we can also look at any of our areas of improvement that may still need some work to help add more polish to us. Whether you aspire to obtain a new job, seek to finally lose the weight you have spoken about or perhaps want to achieve a different level of financial freedom, there is always some work to be done in order to accomplish any of it. Also, if you grew up without a lot of reinforcement about your self-esteem, self-worth or lacked nurturing, take the time to unpack some of this if it still exists within you. What I have learned throughout my life, is that there are multitudes of stories that I have been a witness to, where some folks had to grow up more quickly than others. Due to the home circumstances that were not ideal for some growing children, this could definitely have created some lack of self-esteem as part of that effect. Therefore, the beginning was lacking of many things including loving support for some. When we get to adulthood is where we finally get to choose how we are going to live the next part of our life, while we can also decide to let go of some of that baggage that doesn’t serve a positive purpose. Most of what I have witnessed, was people choosing to live as survivors and not victims of any of what they encountered as children. The great part about making decisions as an adult, is that you do not have to repeat what you experienced as a young person, especially if it was a negative incident. Choosing to live out the rest of your life with a new perspective, filled with positive plans on your next potential achievements breathes new life into us and gives us a new meaningful purpose as we set afoot on these new ventures that now await us. I hope that you all feel that you deserve better and that you continue to work towards achieving your next goal whatever that may be. In doing so, remember to share your experiences with others so that we can help our counterparts grow via what we have already experienced and hopefully, we also can prevent others from making any decisions that may have negative consequences as well, by utilizing us as living examples. 

“Having patience always gives you what you deserve.”

― Fatma Alfalasi

Milestone Moments

When you think about the many different chapters in our lives, one can quickly reminisce about those that brought us much joy and how for a period of time, we did not want to turn the page and close that chapter. Those instances that were filled with much growth, happiness and fulfillment live on with us well after that segment closed and we hope to revisit another one similar to that in the future. The joyful milestone moments that were created, provided us with many smiles that can quickly take us back to that euphoric feeling where we radiated in that light which felt positive and full of energy. When I recall those joyful periods, they were filled with new beginnings, perhaps a new birth of a baby or the formation of a new relationship that added considerable value to us. I recall the feeling when I graduated from high school and knowing I had been accepted to a college in the fall, which provided me with so many hopes and dreams. Then graduating from college, was yet another wonderful landmark that was filled with accomplishment, pride and the yearning for what awaited me in the world of work. As the oldest of five siblings, I can vividly recall the births of all my brothers and sisters and how the family was abuzz with the addition of a newborn to our expanding family. Also, the day that I was able to buy my first car was a thrill and driving for a common errand became exhilarating, as I recall the new car smell when getting into it. The purchase of a home was also filled with much apprehension in the time it took to find the right place and all of that paperwork with banks, loan agents and title companies that was hard to understand, yet provided me with a huge smile from ear to ear when it was completed. I am sure many of you can think of many other examples that would fit into this arena. For me, one of the newest milestones is getting to the conclusion of a career that I have loved for so long, even through all of its ups and downs over the course of time. Recently, I arrived at this decision as I told people that I kept hearing the whispers from God, in particular in the middle of the night and they kept getting louder and louder. I have been contemplating what this would be like for many years before, however, getting to the reality of the moment was a different feeling. When I look back at what I was able to accomplish, I can find similar milestones in that timeline that provide me with more opportunities to beam at what was done through the course of hard work and dedication. It made me think about the legacy that I leave behind and again how proud I am of those who will continue on with the great work ahead. This coming July after attaining 34 years of state service this past month, I plan to retire.  Although the decision was a long time in coming, I truly feel a sense of a different happiness in knowing that I was given the privilege to arrive at this stage. There are many friends and work family colleagues that were made over this span of time that I have been working and I always thought that this chapter was so far down the road. Yet, here I am and completely filled with much gratitude for the opportunity to have served in different capacities helping the many people in need through out the communities that we served.  I believe that the processing of all of this will still need more time and there is another smile that comes to my face in knowing that although I loved this chapter, the story is not over. New ventures await me and with that some quality time spent with my family as we get to explore new places with a bit less apprehension in knowing that I don’t have to rush to go back to work at the conclusion. There are so many of you out there that have been part of my journey and I am completely grateful for all of the wonderful people that have crossed my path over the years. I am forever appreciative of the many instances where we got to exchange thoughts, ideas, conversations and laughter as well. With that said, I would like to say “Gracias” to all of you who were part of my journey. I look forward with great anticipation as the next chapter evolves and the new writing of it begins with the next steps after this conclusion.  I continue to wish everyone of you much happiness, joy, laughter along with ongoing health, so that we can continue to see each other down the road.  

“We have reached milestones that are far beyond what I expected.”

-J-Hope