Self Validation

I watched a video on YouTube some time ago, that provided a great example for how people get caught up in trying to obtain validation from others.  It brought to mind how we are conditioned since our youth to seek this in order to fulfill an inherent need that we are okay.  Understandably as a child one needs more guidance and formulation as the early years in one's life have a definite impact on how the rest of your life will turn out.  What I find even more interesting is that as we reach adulthood, the people that we had turned to for validation also shifts.  Some gravitate back to their parents, while others choose their best friends or confidants as the go-to people in their lives.  If you got married or are in a long term relationship, then it is your spouse or partner in life that may be the one to fulfill this role.  I have also seen children become the example of validation to a parent as well, so it is interesting that this particular relationship can go full circle.  Where I find there is lots of room for improvement is in the area of self validation.  This is when one can get to the point of looking in the mirror and being okay with the person that they see staring back at them.  To me self validation is finding that happy medium where you no longer are so self critical of yourself, as you seek ways to further improve upon what you already have.  I know that is easier said than done, however, one should consider the consequence of not addressing this behavior.  The world is hard enough on all of us with the many things that come our way.  Whether they are life issues or other things that can deflate your sails at times, one has to have the ability to regroup and continue forward on their respective journeys.  Imagine what your world could be like if you were to like yourself more, did not listen to unwelcome and unflattering criticism, while focused on being the type of person you have always aspired to?  Ideally, this is the world that one should be living in and if you are not there yet, then perhaps it is time to re-set your sails towards a different destination.  Don't pull yourself apart so much that there is very little that you can be proud of.  Instead, focus on the many things that you do well, those things that you like about yourself and then make a short list of the items that you will begin to change in the near future.  Your self validation is much more important than those that you seek outside of who you are, so give yourself the opportunity to achieve a sense of satisfaction about who you have become.  Remember to keep marching forward towards your desired goal and let the rumblings of those that should play less importance in your life go by the wayside.  In the end, your happiness will be much more fulfilled as your ship finally arrives to the illusive port that you may have had a hard time reaching.  

Release

Today I am sharing a new column that will be published next month.

Inventing Your Life

“Release”

By

Rob Claudio

As I contemplate the beginning of this New Year, I think about the benefit everyone can have from having a fresh start.  In particular, if you had a tough year recently, then consider this as your opportunity to look for ways to manifest better things that you desire for your life.  Although I have talked about planning for one’s own transformation in past columns, I wanted to touch upon an important subject that relates to one’s ability to receive the changes that one is planning for.  I learned through meditation the great benefits which can occur through calculated breathing and taking long deep breathes that are cleansing to your body, mind and soul.  When I began my first sessions, I initially noticed that I was trying to breathe similarly to when you go see your doctor with a bad cough or flu.  I was taking long deep breaths, however, it felt like I was waiting to see if I had a wheeze as I exhaled.  It took a few times before I could fully be in the moment and let go of that self consciousness that I was not testing for allergies or some other respiratory problem.  I noticed that after several minutes my own body fell in sync with my deep breathing and I could feel myself completely relax.  During this process I also realized that the breathing provided for this existential release that my mind and body needed, in order for the meditative experience to come full circle.  I found all of this relatable to the process of being prepared to accept change in your life. In thinking about what you want to see in your future, whether it is improved health, better finances or perhaps improved relationships, one must perform their own cleansing breath of sorts to get rid of all the prior issues that may still be lingering.  In order to take that deep breath and set your transformative energy to move forward, there is a releasing that must occur for one to be capable of new acceptance.  Think about the things that still bother you, whether there are relationships that you need to bring closure to or forgiveness for yourself for the short comings that were part of your past.  This is your opportunity to address those things and put them behind you.  If you can see a picture of yourself ahead in the distance with the things that you want in your life, then I hope that you are not distracted by looking in your rearview mirror to remind yourself of the mistakes or errors that were part of your distant past.  Remember that everything that you have done previously has brought you to your current state of being today. Concentrate on the fact that you learned many lessons that have gotten you to this stage in your life and don’t feel guilty or retain any regrets.  Acknowledgement of an error simply means that you have grown enough to understand the difference between doing what is wrong and doing what is right, especially now that you know better. Give yourself the time and space to acknowledge the things that still bother you and finally get to the point that you are able to release what is no longer adding value to your life.  Your goals ahead may appear much closer than you think, if you concentrate on the fact that acceptance of the better and brighter you, is tied to leaving the less optimal you behind.          

"Forgiveness is a funny thing.  It warms the heart and cools the sting."

-William Arthur Ward

Having A Playful Heart

When you think about the term "play", most people would probably think of something that children do, as the most likely definition that they relate to.  If you did think about children and laughter when thinking about this term, then it probably brought a smile to your face as you could immediately recall a child that exhibited this behavior.  Nothing can cheer a person up more quickly than hearing the laughter of children as it causes intrinsic joy to anyone around them.  Most of us adults tend to lose the connection to being able to play, due to the sometimes chaotic world that we live in. If you were to meditate for a moment and think back to your childhood, to a time where you experienced such pure happiness that play and laughter were bound together as part of a great transcendent formula, I am sure that this too would bring some more happy memories of your distant past.  When I hear about the people that I know that are either retired or are older than me who have that great zest for life, I can tell you that playing is part of their daily routine.  This is why I find it is so important for us as adults and at any age, to contemplate where we are with regards to how we exhibit and attract joy to our lives.  If you look for things that bring you happiness and are diligent about finding them daily, one will eventually fulfill that which they set out to do.  Everyone has a to-do list that they follow or create as part of their daily schedule, so why not include some periods through out the day to look for those moments that bring you sheer joy.  As an example this morning while I was out taking a walk, I came upon some drawings made of chalk that were drawn on a bike path prior to a hilly area where it becomes tougher to keep up a good pace.  The drawing included a picture of a snail with the words, "here we go",  right next to the smiling snail.  I can tell you that in that moment looking at that message made me smile and brought me a dose of joy as this is an area where one has to normally put their biggest effort into climbing.  For someone else who may struggle with that particular area made the potential hurdle turn into a smiling moment for many of us.  This was a simple reminder that joy and happiness does not have to come via a grand gesture or act.  The experience can manifest itself such as a simple drawing made of chalk.  As your days quickly fill up ahead, remind yourself to look for those opportunities where you can find moments of joy, silliness and laughter that can boost your energy as you think about the many wonderful things that are going right in your life.  Seek out those moments and make a small list daily of those things that brought a smile to your face.  You will find that as your list becomes a bit longer, you will realize that you have a lot more happiness in your life than you actually are aware of.

Opportunities And Expectations

When you experience hurdles in your life, are you the type of person that feels and carries the weight of those obstacles with you for a long period of time?  Or are you the type of person that looks at the experience with an open mind and sees the opportunity for the experience to teach you something?  The philosophies behind the answers to these questions brings up two very different types of thinking with one of them leading you down a path towards more immediate growth.  Time is of the essence for everyone as we all know that we have less of it than we would like to.  Therefore given the opportunity to absorb and grow more readily should be the optimal path for the majority of people.  I do find it fascinating when I see the people around me that chose the other different path that can sometimes appear to filled with martyrdom or the victim type of mentality.  We all learn from everything that we live through and in particular are those instances where we find our backs pressed against a wall.  We may not see the solution imminently at times, however, with some quiet down time along with meditation or prayer, the answers soon begin to reveal themselves.  In many of those instances the answers are not the one's we wanted because we look at our circumstance with a particular bias, in that we want the solution to simply be about us.  We forget that in many cases our life solutions not only teach us something about ourselves, they are also part of a process that teaches others around us as well.  I think about this when I hear about a difficult circumstance that someone I know is undergoing or perhaps I have a conversation with someone and upon revealing the difficulty of a particular person they ask for my good thoughts and prayers.  These affected individuals may never meet the people that prayed or thought about them, however, they made an impact in their lives.  Therefore when you think about what you want for your life or if you are facing a particular dilemma, remember that when you speak the truth of that situation to yourself and others, there is a cosmic energy that is set in motion to bring about resolution.  What you need will come to you, it just not may be as immediate or in the type of manner that you imagined.  I also think it behooves everyone to be very specific in what they ask for, as there is something to be said for having clarity in your expectations.  Remember that there are always people in need around you or within your circles of support, that may need your spiritual strength to get them through their rough period, so be generous in providing a helping hand or heart.  What you sow in good deeds will always come back to you in multiple returns and part of our journey is to help others.  As  you await the new opportunities to come into your life as the New Year begins, be aware of all of them which may be disguised initially as an obstacle.  Your year may be the best one yet, if you give yourself the chance to look at things differently and be open to all the greatness that you deserve.