Thankful Moments

As we arrive at our yearly holiday that celebrates being thankful, I have been taking moments through out the past few days to contemplate all that has been occurring over the past year to carefully review some of reasons why this day has great meaning for me.  I was driving with many travelers a few days ago in somewhat slow traffic, as I noticed recreational vehicles of all types and license plates from different states converged in mass on our expansive freeways making a trek to a particular destination.  I thought about how happy people would be when folks arrived at the  front doors of family and friends with open arms and smiles that could brighten up a dark room for days.  I was one of those travelers as I navigated my way through diverse landscapes that brought me to the home of my mother, who was eager to give me a hug and show me all of the work that she had done to her home since my last visit.  The feeling of the familiar is always comforting, as I quickly began running into people upon arrival that immediately brought forth memories of my youth as they were part of my memories of my home town.  I began to give thanks that after all of these years, some of these folks still remember me and therefore they too share in memorializing part of my life through out my younger years.  We always take for granted when we see people that they will be there the next time we return or that somehow time is standing still as we are all bound to see each other again soon.  The truth of the matter is that this is not always the case, as I know of many instances when people unexpectedly are lost and you don't get another chance to speak to them or are provided with one last hug along with gracefully saying goodbye. That is why in the midst of the entire holiday shuffle that causes people to add some additional stress as it relates to cooking the perfect dinner, making their homes look as sharp as they can or ensuring that all of the creature comforts are available for those visiting guests, it is ultimately about the re-connecting with these dear people that is of the utmost importance.  Hopefully many folks will take moments before their celebrations to actively reflect upon the reasons they are especially thankful for allowing the reunion of special people to take place.  I like to take several moments before, during and afterwards, as I find many reasons that I had not thought about previously for celebrating many unique instances when gratitude became a living example in seeing and speaking to family, friends and loved ones.  Although I could do away with all of the excess shopping that is needed and fighting crowded stores along with crowded parking lots that come with this great holiday, I just simply take it all in as I consider all of it to be part of the grand experience.  The conversations with my mom at the grocery store or outside in her garden are all a string of snapshots that are embedded in my brain, as I reminisce and sometimes just laugh at the many moments that are now part of this visit's experience.  I look forward to more holidays chapters of visits home, as my album continues to grow with each coming experience.  However, I am quite satisfied with all of the others that have taken place thus far, especially when I think about the many family members that are no longer here that we will miss when saying Grace later this evening.  Therefore as many of you begin to make your final preparations for your grand family celebrations, think about all of your thankful moments that are filling up this particular holiday and take some additional time to reflect on why it may be even more special than the last one.  My wish for everyone is that this holiday brings an album full of instances where you capture how much you enjoyed re-connecting with people that are part of your inner circle, as today serves as a great opportunity to catch up with a hug, smile and a laugh or two.  May your holiday be overflowing with all that comes with having a grateful heart as you are surrounded by your loved ones, while we remember that not everyone is as lucky to be able to celebrate this day with people that care for them and call each other family.

Reflective Checkup

Today I am sharing a soon to be published column next month.

Inventing Your Life

“Reflective Checkup”

By

Rob Claudio

We all come across plenty of opportunities that lend themselves to our ability to check-in with ourselves, to see if this is the direction that we want to continue to go in our life’s journey.  Whether it is a life change that occurs with very little notice, a feeling of stagnation or some other unforeseen circumstance, we are presented multiple opportunities to do a bit of soul searching on those occasions.  I thought about how this happens to us, as I was driving around running errands a few weeks ago and I saw a light in my truck that indicated I had to service my engine soon.  I also contemplated how convenient it would be for us to have a similar light that would pop up to advise us that we need to replenish something in ourselves soon and more importantly, that we are a priority that needs some special attention. To proceed with a life checkup in this context, I would suggest to first take inventory of what is happening in your life. Make a list of the things that invoke the feeling of happiness and then also add those other items that provide you with the opposite feeling. Think about things that you should change or eliminate if the opportunity presented itself.  Your list does not have to be very long, however, you should begin to see a pattern that lends itself to either being swayed more in one direction versus the other.  It is only when you look at what you have written that you may realize how out of balance your life may be. As much as we would like to believe that our circumstances cannot change significantly due to the many responsibilities that exist in our lives, one also has to acknowledge that all facets of change do not occur by taking very large steps.  The majority of substantial reinvention can be attributed to that one moment when one finally comes to the realization that you cannot continue to live your life in the same manner, while expecting different results.  Hence, a small step taken every day can ultimately lead you down a path that can yield flourishing outcomes. All that is needed is to be resolved and have faith in yourself that you are worthy of better things and more.  I am always amazed at the many instances when I listened to or read about people that felt that there was no other alternative to their particular situation.  I almost feel heartbroken when I can sense that someone has lost the initiative or motivation to proceed with any type of change, as it reflects in their eyes whenever you meet someone like this.  I remember many years ago I had a staff person that did phenomenal work within the ex-felon community and for that individual it was part of their life’s mission to ensure that these individuals were treated with dignity and respect.  This person also made it a point to address their clients by ensuring that they looked at them straight in the eye. Listening to how the interactions with this customer group began with transforming them into thinking that they had self-worth was humbling.  It was a unique challenge to help these individuals look at others directly when speaking and avoid their tendency to simply look down.  I was enlightened and proud to hear how our staff addressed such personal and profound issues for our deserving customers. That is why I so admire people that work with others in helping them overcome their life challenges.  Providing services to people dealing with; homelessness, felony records, battered women & children, post-traumatic stress disorder or anyone in any type of a recovery program can be a considerable challenge.  In these instances there is a history that one has to address before they can actually even begin to aid in their secondary needs.  It is only in these moments when one has those deep reflections that you realize how difficult other people’s lives have been, which then offers considerable hope to one’s own circumstances.  If one revisits that list that I spoke about earlier, prioritize it and then set a timeline for achievement, one can make some significant strides towards reaching their intended goals.  I also suggest that you keep the list near you at work or at home, so that you can take moments every day to think upon your proposed end results along with what small step you made that day to get closer to your target. One can create their own automatic light sensor moments by paying attention to how you feel about your life and checking in with yourself on a periodic basis.  If your ultimate happiness and fulfillment depends upon your desired level of attainment, then take time to measure it accordingly.  Finally remember to ensure that you are reflectively checking in with yourself as you are a priority and it can also help with determining where you need to go next.      

Your Inner Circle

I was at an event a few nights ago that reunited me with some familiar faces, as there were a number of us that had met some time ago at a special event.  Although I only met these individuals once before, we were collectively bonded together in a great way that defines a second set of family members.  As I thought about this even longer, I was reminded about how less likely it is that you find new trusted friends as you grow older.  When you think about the many friends that are part of your inner circle of support, that list grows shorter and shorter as time goes by.  A lot of us met some of our best friends when we were younger and the life experiences that we shared kept us connected over the years of our lives.  Many people experienced their first friendships in elementary school and for whatever reason we gravitated towards another person that seemed like minded or had similar interests to us.  Things may get a bit more complicated as one enters the middle or high school years as peer pressure makes us all want our friends to be popular, which can be either perceived, actual or non existent.  If you are lucky enough, the elementary school friends are still part of that network that either confirms what true friendship looks like and still keeps you in high regard.  If you were able to go to college, then one is then introduced to yet another group of people which may also have binding ties to you for the rest of your life.  What I truly value the most about all of these individuals is that they accepted you where you happened to be at and took you in unconditionally.  I find it amazing that people would say yes to being your friend without going through your resume of life first, before they actually accepted the position.  If one is lucky enough, then they have friends in that circle of support from the different stages in one's life that form the pillars of your foundation in knowing that at any given time, all one needs is to make a phone call and that person would be there for you.  As I get older, I become even more sentimental about the thoughts associated with having these special individuals that I call friends.  What has been even more of a true blessing has been this other group of people that I met later in life that also took me in and gave me a hug along with a beaming smile, that spoke about their willing nature to add you to their list of people that they also support.  When you think about the true core values in your life, one begins with faith, family, health and soon thereafter the word friends may come up.  I believe it is because if any of those other mentioned items had any issue to be concerned with, a friend could help you get through any difficulty.  As you navigate your journey in life, think about the many individuals that added value to your life and how they make you feel when you simply think about them.  If you have lived long enough, then you may have also had the experience of distancing yourself from others that have added less value to you and as a result, the bonding and connection may not be there anymore.  This is where I like to think about the philosophy that some people were meant to be in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Who those individuals are and how they have come to be part of your circle is a story in its own.  The most cherished part of this reflection has to do with the fact that one actually has some of those key individuals in your life, which ultimately makes it more meaningful and full as a result.  The next time you have the opportunity to be engaged in a personal conversation with someone from your inner circle be entirely present along with having gratitude for them, as these special people are still there and cheering for you as they unconditionally are looking to see you succeed.

Falling Into Place

I saw a great quote yesterday that spoke about when things seem to be falling apart, they may actually be falling into their rightful place.  One can make the case for it all being a matter of perspective.  This resonated with me quite strongly, as I could immediately think about the many instances when I felt that I was in charge of figuring things out and caused myself unnecessary stress along with plenty of anxious moments in all of those plans.  What I have definitely learned over the course of my lifetime has been that we have to let things go sometimes and let the planning along with the execution to take place with some strong Divine intervention.  I can think of numerous times when I kept myself up at night trying to figure out the next chess move in my own life, only to be disappointed when things turned up in a different manner.  I no longer feel so compelled to feel that ultimate control in my life when it comes to seeking a particular outcome that I may feel so attached to.  What works for me has been a a strong sense of belief that the ultimate things that will benefit me, will occur in the way that they need to happen.  Having lots of faith and a strong foundation of prayer life, have gotten me far beyond where I thought I would end up on many occasions.  In retrospect, when I think of the periods of time when things may have been falling apart, it truly was an intended time when some things really needed to fall into their appropriate place.  Many of us can certainly identify when we hoped and wished for a specific outcome and although it may not have happened the way we wanted it to, we later could agree that the right outcome was the best for us in the long run.  Our world these days is filled with the sense of immediacy that can create this perpetual environment filled with unrealistic expectations.  We always seem to be behind with time and having fast solutions to all things has become a way of life.  We really have to step back sometimes and realize that having those introspective moments that cause us to meditate about our wants along with needs, can sometimes be more therapeutic than we thought.  What I now realize about my own life, is that being quiet and concentrating on the lesson that is presented to me, can cause a lot more benefit in how to proceed with same or similar circumstances in the future.  Our biggest dilemma with our existing world is that we all feel the need to speed things up, regardless of how much our own life experiences have taught us about the double edged sword of immediacy.  Just because things come in a fast form, doesn't always mean they will have the best quality.  When you think about a precious stone such as a diamond, think of the many years that it took for that piece of coal to transform into that majestic and valuable stone.  In our world, we are very good about gravitating towards outcomes and we are bombarded with media that constantly tells us that faster is better.  However, I think we should seek a life filled with more quality along with the right amounts of quantity, which will be different for every person due to our unique individuality.  Remember that although a storm in our life can seem disorienting and can cause us to wonder where things may be falling next due to the severity of the situation, try to keep your own perspective about things and remember that all of the things that are happening to you can ultimately be what was needed in order for everything to fall into its rightful place.  Things that fall into place may  not appear that way initially, however, we must have strong faith that our best and most fulfilling moments are still ahead of us.