Hope

One of the things which can happen in our lives on different occasions is that we sometimes have to contend with trials or tribulations that were unexpected. Think about the instances when someone has an injury or suffers the loss of a loved one, we are then thrown into a tailspin as we try to pick up the pieces, after assessing where we are and how we will move forward. We see it happen more often than not, when you take a glimpse at the news and you realize a sudden tragedy has occurred as folks try to navigate not only their fragile emotions, along with making sense of something that was not planned and caused much pain. I for one try not looking at the news at the end of the evening, just so that I don't have those last images or messages in my head before going to sleep. If you follow any type of social media, one is already bombarded with all of these stories and breaking news events throughout the day. Hence, I save the recorded news casts to watch at my time intervals, so that I have a better sense of managing all that goes on around me. However, the item that I wanted to focus on in this column was on how to not lose hope and keep it alive despite the circumstances you may find yourself in. One of the definitions of hope that I found indicates the following; to cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen or be true. When you look at examples of people around the world who were champions of this emotion, one can point to folks who were steadfast in their belief that their circumstance would ultimately change or they sought the silver lining in the storm that they were part of. You also have many folks whose anchor of emotion is tied to their faith as they see it going hand-in-hand. When I am most amazed by some great examples of hope, it is when you hear a person fully resigned to the fact that they will be seeking the positive which can come after having survived a monumental tragedy. Think about the folks that may have exemplified this in your life. For me I have lots of great examples in the people who formed me, such as my own grandmother and mother. They at different periods in their life faced many difficult obstacles that would have deflated anyone or would have caused a prolonged lack of hope. However, what they showed the world and myself was that we need to have a spirit of perseverance, despite how low you may feel. Although life can knock anyone down, I was given the example that I should never simply give up on anything that I believe in. I am sure many of you in your own families have countless similar examples and the legacy of strength which was passed on to you to learn from was to keep that flame of hope alive for others to see. Hence, the examples are usually all around us, if we pay enough attention. Those heroes who may not have sought attention and preferred to do things quietly, are perfect illustrations of the shining lights which continue to illuminate our path. We must always remember that dark periods are not permanent and by keeping hope alive, you will be able to get through these and other challenging periods of your life. Remind yourself of your personal family heroes or perhaps your immediate circle of support who have inspired you through their resilient actions. I am sure that by looking at this list of folks periodically, it can help motivate and remind you of the ability to survive and anticipate your personal clearing ahead. Cheers to hope and for you to keep it alive among your loved ones, as all of us need it as part of our ongoing journey. The smallest amount of it in you will continue to blossom like a planted flower and eventually you will experience the beauty which comes from having this flourishing trait in all circumstances.    

Dads

For the past several weeks, on the days I drive to work I end up waiting at this stoplight where I have seen what appears to be a young dad along with his toddler son waiting for a bus on a bench.  The pair have intrigued me, because it seems they are on a schedule heading somewhere early in the morning and I consistently catch them at that same time patiently waiting.  The toddler who is playing with his small tablet with one hand, holds on to his dad's pant leg with the other.  The dad tenderly plays with his son, while he peers down the street to see if their bus is on the way.  This has been a quick snapshot scene for me over several weeks and as I continue on my morning's journey, I think about how much I admire this young dad managing his important role all while contending with public transportation and who knows what else as a young father.  As I observe what appears to be a dedicated young dad making his way in the world with his child in tow, I admire that he demonstrates much care and attention for his son.  It has also made me contemplate even more the role of fathers and what it is that they end up teaching their children through the course of raising them.  We often hear about dads who are either absent or work so much that they miss a lot of the transformative years with their own children.  When you think about adults who did not have the best childhood, one typically hears of the lack of a strong parental figure as being part of the root cause.  I have also heard personal stories of people who blamed their insecurities or other issues due to lack of adequate parental guidance.  Although I can easily understand why someone's troubled younger years could be tied to a lack of a responsible and present parent, I believe as an adult we must all be able to put any resentment to rest.   We all have the ability to change the future path in our own lives even when we may not have gotten the best beginning.  I also think about the many hurdles’ fathers face, such as the one I keep running into at this bus stop and wonder what it will be like for this young child when he is grown up and remembers the early morning bus trips with his dad.  Such as the values and morals that his father taught him.  I can only hope that the young boy grows up to be as responsible as his father appears to be and that the life lessons he was taught will live long after he is grown.  For many of us, it is the simple things that we did with our fathers that we tend to remember most when we think back to happy moments in our lifetime.  Perhaps when you took a trip somewhere or a special outing where you can remember their joy and laughter.  In my case, I worked on the weekends alongside my dad and the value of hard work still is with me to this day.  In addition, although he knew nothing about the sport of tennis which I played in high school and college, he showed up to my sports banquets and was a proud parent at both my high school and college graduations.  I know for sure that for all of the stories that we hear about absent fathers, there are plenty of examples of those dads that were present, nurturing and dedicated while doing the best that they knew how in raising their kids.  I won't even mention the many dads who raised children that were not even their own as my dad did, as that can be another column all by itself.  Then I am lucky to have some close friends who exemplify being a great dad and some now even beaming grandfathers, who are equally as proud of their grandkids as they are of their children.  I love seeing these examples all around me and although I would hope that someone would highlight their great personal achievements, I am left to writing this column as an homage to all of those dedicated men who quietly exemplified the role of a leader in their children's lives.  Today I will simply say thank you to the many fathers who did their best in raising responsible and loving children, without being in the limelight as they quietly glowed with pride and just loved their kids while many eyes were not watching them.  To the many dedicated fathers around the world, cheers to you and to the work you have done as the first example of what a true leader does. 

“The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.”
― Prevost Abbe

Adding Value to Others

After going over preparations for an upcoming conference I am speaking at, I was left contemplating what my process has been when these events transpire.  My initial recollection went quickly to the first time I was asked to speak and I can recall doing a lot of preparation and nervously getting through the material, while hoping I did not bore anyone or see anyone falling asleep in front of me.  I can laugh about that now, however, I still get a rush of butterflies right before I begin and then I decide that whatever comes out of my mouth will be a surprise to the audience along with myself.   I know that this may sound unconventional for many, however, what I can rely upon are my life experiences which I can recall in any given situation.  As a result, I would like to believe that I can add value to a discussion topic when given the opportunity.  However, if you were to ask me about the topics or stories I discussed, I would not be able to tell you.  The reason is, as soon as my discussion was completed, I let it all go.  The release of that is my version of a natural high as the energy which is needed to get through a presentation transforms me in the process.  My ultimate hope in all of these occasions is that I am able to connect to folks in an audience, who will ultimately get my message.  When I think back to myself attending conferences or seminars as a younger person, it was easier to retain information which had both a personal and professional aspect to the subject matter.  Hence, I have always remembered those experiences and through the course of my career, I write and present material when given the opportunity with both of these things in mind.  Finding my voice to speak from took some time, as I tried different ways to address an audience.  What I learned early on was that flash cards or notes on paper in front of me made me lose my place in connecting, because I was busy looking down and reading.  I know that this works well for many speakers, however, what I came to realize in my delivery was that I needed to tell a short story which was relatable.  In doing so, I could see people laughing or nodding their head along with me, through my telling of some of my stumbles through the course of my life.  I learned similarly that a moment of a story which I heard or read about, had the same impetus for me to want to address it via a column in which I dived into it further. My process appears to take longer at times due to ongoing editing which is needed, before I can publish something that I feel comfortable with.  I also looked back at some old posts and immediately wanted to edit archived articles, because I saw something else, I needed to change.  However, I did stop myself from doing that and have embraced self-forgiveness in this writing process, as I know I am far from being perfect and the core message still remains.  I have learned from writing along with reading other blogs, that there is a sense of community of people outside our immediate circles, which may have similar thoughts and interests that generate contemplation as we go about our daily lives.  Because I have been enhanced by so many others, including great authors on various subjects, I too share with them the need to give back.  From John Maxwell, one of my favorite authors, I learned this topic about adding value to others.  Whether it is with some form of life advice or through the retelling of a story which someone may not have heard, we can share and possibly enhance someone's life in the process.  Even if it were for just a few minutes, we can have a great impact on others in leading a more fulfilled existence.  I constantly look for material that inspires me or nurtures my own life in a certain way.  This is what I attempt to accomplish when putting words on this medium, to connect with others who I may not see or hear from on a consistent basis, yet, I know they are out there.  Therefore, remember to follow what you are most passionate about.  When doing an activity which does not feel like work or a struggle to complete, you will realize that you have a passion for something and you may find like-minded people around you who share in your experience.  Always look forward to learning something new, as we all are lifelong learners until we conclude our journey on this earth.  Practice having gratitude for all things big and small.  Remember to give back along the way and when you notice someone who needs some help, lend them a hand.   All of us can recall someone who may have done this for us throughout our lives, so think about paying it forward.  I hope your journey continues to be filled with great experiences, as you find like-minded people who may be part of your circle of support and that you continue to add value to everyone around you in the process.    

Finding True Joy

I recently went for a walk up the hill from where I live, which got off to a rocky start because I had an excuse of not having enough time for it.  However, once I got going my head cleared up and then enjoyed the beautiful nature landscapes around me, while reminiscing about where I was when I heard an old song playing on my music application.  As I was headed back down, I could see a man walking closer towards me and as he passed by me, I said good morning and he smiled as he walked on.  The man looked a bit tired and was carrying a large black plastic bag which I figured had his belongings in it.  I then paused a bit and looked back as I watched him continue walking up that hill and I wished that he had a blessed day.  As I continued on my way home, I contemplated how I was reluctant to go on this walk and it was all for my own better health.  Unlike the person who walked by me and appeared to be walking out of necessity.  It is a moment like this that always makes me count all of my blessings, no matter how small I think they may be.  All of us can easily forget how much we have to be thankful for and all it takes is a quick look around our own surroundings to realize that other people would love to have our life.  I also thought about the devastation occurring in Ukraine and how the people are being forced out of their homes and country, while travesties are being committed around them.  When I saw a picture of Poland and the train stations awaiting refugees with several donated strollers placed there for babies who may need them, it also warmed my heart to think that in the most difficult times there are people who continue to do good things for others.  I know that the news of the world can be tough to absorb, especially when the focus is on what is going wrong, however, I hope that you fine tune your personal filter to what may be going right around you.  I believe it is the only way that we can make some balanced sense of what our lives are filled with.  Also, we must remember the great heart-warming examples such as those people in Poland and to do good for others, even if it may seem like a very small effort.  Many of us know of folks in or around our inner circle that could use some help in one way or another.  Think about how you could be a blessing to others and remove yourself as the focal point, even if for just one day.  You will see how quickly that shifting of focus can brighten up your perspective and almost immediately bring to mind how much good that is already part of your life.  Note that small efforts can add up quickly and the result at the end of a short time period, can paint a different picture of what truly is valuable in your life.  Hence, when making a list of your to-do things for the day or as you are planning for the weekend ahead, add in there one thing that you could do to help someone else.   Perhaps you can randomly pay for someone's cup of coffee at your favorite beverage place, pick up a tab at a drive through for the person behind you or donate a small amount of money to a favorite charity/cause.   You can also donate some of your time to something you find meaning in, as it all is so worth it!  As much fun as planned festive events may bring you, I guarantee that your heart will feel much fuller along with a greater sense of joy, when you begin to take inventory of all the things that you could do to make others a priority.  I wish you much success in your efforts to brighten up someone else's day and I trust that your greater sense of joy will be growing exponentially as a result. 

“Spread kindness, caring, and compassion and create your own paradise. Infuse it with joy and you’ve created heaven on earth.”- Amy Leigh Mercree

You Deserve What You Dream

I have written previously about how much I enjoy looking forward to new seasons, so I decided to dive into this through a different lens which new beginnings as in the New Year bring to mind.  In order to get there, I need to take you back many years ago when I was living in San Diego and I recall listening to an Argentinian musician named Gustavo Cerati.  He was very famous all over the world, but in particular Latin America.  He had much success with a band called Soda Stereo, with lots of hits prior to his venturing into his successful solo career.  I forget which of my friends at the time had told me about him, however, I remember listening to his music on my drives to work.  He had one song that I played over and over, titled "Beautiful" which had a verse that I loved, "You Deserve What You Dream".  That song continues to play in my mind as I think about this edition of my column and in case you look it up it “Beautiful” is sung in Spanish.  Fast forward to the present, as I thought about how we wish people well prior to the holidays along with a safe and happy season.  We continue with our regards for the New Year in various different forms, whether they are through hugs, calls or even texts.  However, imagine if someone wished that you deserve what you dream in this New Year.  For me, it takes well wishes to another level, if someone without knowing what our dreams are, were to express that we deserve them no matter what.  I think of this almost as an extension of unconditional love, similar to parents who desire the absolute best for their kids. Many of you have dreams for a brighter future which can encompass a new job, relationship or a change in your lifestyle.   Perhaps the universally dreaded thought about the need to lose weight, which I have countless memories of, are at the top of your list.  We have all been there and depending on your age, some of the lifestyle changes become even more of a focal point as one gets older.  The thought of deserving what you dream may initially sound a bit selfish, as very few people have walked in our shoes to make a determination if we are worthy or not.  However, without hesitation I believe that you deserve all of it, because it was important enough for you to speak that truth into existence.  I also know that dreams forming into reality can take some time, however, one should never lose their belief.  We have countless examples of successful people all over the world who had dreams and were able to manifest them at some point in their lives.  My suggestion would be for you to be clear and specific about what you want for yourself, so there is no ambiguity about the complete vision you have.  Remember it is your dream, so as the author, you can choose to make edits or changes as needed.  The bottom line is that you continue to have big dreams and small one's as well, which can bring you another level of personal fulfillment and happiness in the future.  All of you are worthy and deserving of everything that you want for your life.  Count me in as one of your biggest supporters as I look forward to hearing about dreams being fulfilled amongst you.  I also send you virtual New Year’s hugs, as we sail forward on the 2022 ship that has now left the dock.

    “You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.”

― John Lennon

Connection

I recently returned from a couple of trips that enabled me to see and visit with family along with friends, which had been non-existent for me in the last couple of years.  First a family wedding, which is always a lot of fun and great to see a cousin of mine happily married to another great individual, all while being witnessed by those closest to them.  We laughed, hugged and my mom in particular danced so much that one of the flower girls went up to her and told her "you are killing it!"  The post drive back home across the Arizona desert made me contemplate how connected we are through our families.   As we grow older and move further away from each other among our close family members, it is refreshing that we still maintain a connection that goes back to when we were all children, buzzing about at each other's houses playing outside and laughing until our mother's told us to stop or come inside.  We may have missed the births of new children due to distance or some of the graduations because it was difficult to travel far, however, we have never lost the sense of presence that we have for each other which I am so grateful for.   Upon arriving back to my mom's home, we then prepared for and embarked on a second celebration for her birthday, which again brought more cousins that did not travel to the week's prior wedding, along with many more extended family folks.  To be able to see and speak to them, hug and laugh if only for a short period of time, made it all worthwhile.  Then as I packed up one more time and headed back to my own home, I continued to contemplate our connection to many people in this world from the time we are born until we reach our golden years.  As children I can remember the first time I went to school with a sense of nervousness as I sat in a small desk and waited to see who would end up sitting next to me.  The concept of friends when you are small is not very clear and most of us just want someone to talk to on our own level, as we begin the navigation of social interactions with new people that are not from our own households.  I remember sitting in that classroom and not wanting to say much and then came a moment at recess when you were pushed out into the playground as you joined a small group with similar interests in playing a game or going to the swing set.  When I got home, I don't recall having a conversation with my grandmother who was waiting for me about my day at school, she was more concerned about me eating something and preparing some of her home made food to keep me growing strong, as she put it in her own words in Spanish.  I also remember her warming up a tortilla and if she left it on the stove too long and it burned a bit, she would tell me that it would be good for my memory that way.  I can now laugh about all of that as our relationship went far beyond grandmother, chef and caretaking.  I then shifted my thoughts to myself as a grown adult and how my circle of people around me has changed over the years as well.  My ties to my small handful of friends when I was young, grew as a result of attending college away from home through my 20's and 30's.  As I moved away from that group due to work opportunities in other geographic areas, I had to associate with new folks in my new home as well.  The most interesting thing in traveling back and forth through time with those that I feel the most attached to, is that at my current stage of life I am most close to my high school and elementary school friends, after reconnecting with several of them in recent years.  I sometimes wonder about why we were not closer when we were younger, however, I so appreciate that we can all laugh and cheer each other on as we continue to navigate through our current stages of life.   What I always end up with is a very large amount of gratitude in my heart for having these close people in my life and most especially that I still have this group of folks who continue to be my cheerleaders and best supporters no matter what I am in the midst of doing.  My hope for all of you is that you continue to nurture your own circle of support.  When you get invited to a birthday, wedding, or other special event rather than think of an excuse of why you cannot go, make it a point to show up and be present.  You will be re-energized by the love and affection from those that care most about you and as you grow older, you will also learn to appreciate that we get less opportunities to celebrate in gatherings like this.  Enjoy the company, laughter and reminisce with those that mean the most to you and you will in-turn give new vitality and life to your circle that continues to be there for you through thick and thin.   

Reset Button

As the kids are finally out of school for the summer and a designated break is now in session, many families are planning for a trip of some type which will create new memories that everyone can look back upon. Never mind that we are just emerging from a pandemic, which changed the world for all of us and in the midst of it, we were given the opportunity to re-evaluate our priorities.  I noticed among my own inner circle of folks that as much as everyone wants to get out and do something away from home, there are plans among many of them to re-connect with family and friends, some of which they have not seen for well over a year.  One of the things I do appreciate most about social media is that I can go on a journey with someone on their trip and feel the emotions through pictures of the places or people they are connecting with.  I have also been able to keep up with the growing number of family members as I see what used to be little nieces and nephews, who are now becoming adults and coming into their own as grown-ups from a distance.  Whether we are able to witness things in person or from afar, it is something to be thankful for that we are still alive and able to have these new experiences.  I have also not lost sight of the fact that during the worst part of the pandemic, we either lost people in our own families or knew of others who did, which caused much grief that still lingers today.  From being on lockdown, so to speak, I also came to appreciate some of the simple items related to catching up with someone face-to-face.  There are so many instances these days where people seem to have the least amount of time, which contributes to less family dinners and even less direct human connection.  As a result, we can all now appreciate being able to hug someone and look at them straight in the eye, while having a conversation which may have been interrupted over the course of a year and half or so.   Just recently, I had pictures from friends traveling in Mexico City as they explored the majestic pyramids and family members on an adventure in Lake Tahoe.  In addition, I had the privilege of catching up for a fun dinner with two very close friends, which brought some much-needed laughter and hugs at the end.  I thought about the new appreciation that I now have for things like this, which I previously took for granted. Our reset buttons have all been pressed, whether we liked it or not and we all can approach things differently as a result.  I know that many of us hope to not go through anything else like this in the rest of our lifetimes, however, I hope we all learn to appreciate the gift of what this button has done.  As many of you plan for a family get away somewhere soon, I hope that you are thoughtful and calculated in enjoying the luxury of having the ability to do so, especially when others are still not able to.  Therefore, plan with great ambition and experience new sights and sounds, as you add to the collection of wonderful memories which may have been on hold.  Remember that the opportunity to re-engage in many of life's great experiences are all a gift which we should all continue to be grateful for, as many of us re-acclimate to a different world now with a new regenerated perspective.       

“Change your thoughts and you can change your world.”
― Norman Vincent Peale