Lessons From Losing

We have all had our share of finding ourselves on a particular losing end of a situation.  We could not have existed as long as we have, without having these type of experiences.  When I think back to what could be my earliest memory of this, perhaps it would be playing a game of tag and being the last one who was it.  Although it may have been disappointing being in the company of friends or family that were part of the game that I had lost, the experience still made me laugh as we marched on to our next game.  Then there was the time at elementary school when our team lost the kick ball game that we should have won and again there was that sinking feeling followed by a pat on the back by the teacher or friend on the team, making me feel just a bit better about not winning.  When I think about those early losses, I remember that I was focused on not losing again immediately afterwards.  The thing about losing is that it does give you tougher skin almost right away, while it strengthens your resolve to be better so that we can be on the winning end the next time around.  As we get older, some of the losses may be considerably deeper, which can take more than a pat on the back to get over them.  I recall that one of my favorite teachers in 7th grade, Miss Tanner, was the person who had a small library in her classroom and within it, were books by the author C.S. Lewis and I first read Prince Caspian as a result.  She introduced me to this magical world and the stories within them, made my imagination soar above the clouds along with some of those flying magical creatures that were part of this other world.  After arriving in high school a couple of years later, I found out over the summer before my freshman year began, that Ms. Tanner had been in a car accident on her way back from visiting family in Utah and lost her life in the process.  I remember that it was the feeling of losing someone who I never told how much she meant to me, as one of my favorite teachers that I would never see again.  I still remember her smile and stories about how she would make fake ice cream from the falling snow back home in Utah, that still remain with me to this day  While the older we get, the more we see the loss of life among our loved ones which also bring us to our breaking point.  I have learned that I need to ask myself not too long afterwards, what did I learn from them?  This also evolved into, how could I continue to honor the memory of someone that I loved, so that they remained part of me and feel like I could still make them proud.  There are many varied answers to these questions, however, my point is that we continue to learn from all of these losses, as we work towards making ourselves a little bit better everyday.  Last week we lost Ms. Aretha Franklin who was an iconic singer whose hits dotted the history of my life growing up.  Another loss for all of us who enjoy great music, however, I am thankful that there exists many video and music clips where we can relive and celebrate the great talent that she was to all of us.  I hope that as you think about loss and what you learned, that you are also able to manage a smile when you think about how much you have improved your life as a result of the lesson which followed those experiences.  While we are still alive, we get to learn more lessons, that we hope to pass down to others so that their road may not be as bumpy and more illuminated than our may have been. 

A Neighbor For The Ages

I went to see a documentary for the second time within the last month and it felt as if I was watching the movie for the very first time.  "Won't You Be My Neighbor", depicts the life of Fred Rogers from "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood", which was a children's show on public broadcasting television that ran for 33 years.  I remember it more like a dream from being a young kid and watching his show, where I was introduced to this man who would sing short songs on just about anything and talk very genuinely about how he was pleased to see me.  As I watched the film I was reminded that through his show, in which he emphasized the importance of treating others with respect, being kind and hearing from an adult that we all matter.  In my view, this film is something that the greater population around the world could benefit from seeing, as we are all in need of such a reminder.  Through out the film, I laughed, learned new things and even cried, with montage of stories that were told about this great person, who is no longer with us today.  Through the words of his surviving wife, two sons and a myriad of the show's staff and supporting characters, we learned that he was the same person that we saw on the television set as he was in real life.  It made my heart feel so good afterwards, because the movie provided validation that we have great examples of the good that can exist among us.  As I came home from the movies later that night and began to see a bit of the news with burning fires that they were reporting through the western parts of the U.S., along with other negative stories that went from politicians to the losses of life around us, I quickly began to yearn for an additional dose of Mr. Rogers to remind me that things were going to be okay.  It is funny, how we are all in need of hearing this from time to time. If you are old enough that you no longer have your parents with you, it is the reassuring voice from someone like them that can fill an empty space inside your heart and enable you to sleep at night, with the comfort of knowing that all will be well in the morning.  There are far too many other examples in the world about how things are not going right and very little attention is paid to what actually is.  I therefore highly encourage you to not only go see this film, before it stops playing at the local theaters, I would also ask that you take some time to count the things that are going right in your life and have a moment of appreciation for all of them.  We rarely stop to acknowledge the good, as we tend to favor the other discussions that feel much more heavier.  Let's face it, we can talk about those negative things until we are blue in the face and we still would have more to add afterwards.  Therefore, I challenge you to take a detour from that aforementioned type of negative thinking and speaking while you pay attention to the good that you do see around you or the many positive things that are going right in your life.  I also would like to remind you like Mr. Rogers said on many occasions, "There is no person in the whole world like you and I like you just the way you are".  What child or adult would not like to hear these words, no matter what your age is?  More importantly, it would be great to see the approval of the many folks that see themselves as damaged or incomplete in some way, by simply acknowledging a person while looking at them in the eye and greeting them with a smile, as you show them respect and unconditional acceptance.  The world could be a much better place if we acted more like Mr. Rogers did and I hope that we can all agree to at least try among each other as members of the human race.     

Traveling Can Be Ugly - Do It Anyway

Inventing Your Life

“Traveling Can Be Ugly – Do It Anyway”

By 

Rob Claudio

 
I have been contemplating the loss of endearing food and travel journalist Anthony Bourdain who passed away a few weeks ago.  Like the rest of the world, I am still walking through a loss of someone who I felt I knew because of his work, even though I never personally met him.  I had been a fan ever since I watched one of his first episodes on the Travel Channel and found him to be brutally honest, funny and sarcastic all rolled into one person.  Like many of his fans, I was highly attracted to the fact that he did not eat at fancy well known restaurants.  In many instances, he ate on the street at small independent places where many times it was a mom and pop type of restaurant or even a food cart, which had the best bite in town.  He spoke to people on their level and looked them directly in the eye, which I felt was with deep respect shown to those he met.  He also may not have known how to speak the language of the person that had cooked some food that he had purchased, however, that didn’t stop him from asking them questions through an interpreter or complimenting them on how savory and delicious their food was.  I kept a mental log of the countries and cities I felt I wanted to visit, as a result of his journeys.  I did appreciate that he still told you how a meal tasted, even though sometimes it was not something he particularly cared for.  In all, it was the honesty of his story telling through adventures in diverse countries, cities, towns and villages where he highlighted the one common thing that all of us human beings can easily relate to and that was simply food.  Sometimes the back story of the dish, took a stroll through the politics of that country or the atrocities that people survived and as a result, the compelling story that came with each taste was just as intriguing.  In scouring different social media sites and hearing how fans from many walks of life reacted to his passing, you can tell that his connection to people was deep.  I watched several episodes which ran on his last network as part of their tribute to him, many of which they felt were his favorites and it was a welcome guilty pleasure to relive some of those same chapters that I had seen before.  With each passing view, I mourned his loss a little bit more as I kept thinking after each episode, that there would be no further new places that he was going to highlight for me.  One of the many noteworthy things he said in his discussion for his passion in doing this, was that traveling can be ugly and yet, one should do it anyway.  This resonated with me, because I felt that he was talking to the traveler persona in me that would love to visit different and exotic places in other parts of the world, while leaving the comfort of a luxurious resort in order to be among the real people along with its noteworthy delicacies of that country.  Sometimes, the anxiety of not speaking the language or knowing the culture, can make traveling feel disorienting as well, which can take ugliness to another level for some.  This was one of the key messages I felt he was trying to convey, as he wanted us to be more well-rounded human beings.  Through his video journals there was the elimination of bias or prejudice, every time one got educated about a different culture or type of meal that you thought you would never like, simply because you never tasted it before.  Having a side dish of education and cultural awareness along with your main dish, had never looked so tasty.  I know that nobody else can ever fill the shoes of this person who has now departed, because they will not have had the same type of life experiences to reference.  While we await the potential of a new individual that can connect us the way Anthony did, I gratefully say thank you for the good work that you produced while you educated me on the many things I did not know about other people, countries, cultures and most importantly savory eating.   I hope that while we travel towards our next life after this one, Anthony is helping discover and explore new parts of that next world, so that he can tell us all about them when we finally arrive.  May you finally rest in peace, as you travel and taste food from another more beautiful place.

Redefining Ordinary

I am sharing a copy of my latest column to be published in a few weeks.

Inventing Your Life

“Redefining Ordinary”

                                                             By                            

Rob Claudio

As I was watching a movie a few weeks ago, a nanny in the film was telling a new mom in the story that she should always kiss her newborn baby every night, as her child was going to change and grow before she woke up the following morning.  The mother reacted with surprise when she heard this person tell her this, however, as their conversation continued the caregiver was simply illustrating in her own way that she should not take little things for granted.  I was in full agreement with the nanny, because we all continue to grow older every day that we are alive.  In the morning, we can all have one more wrinkle, frown line or another grey hair depending on your age.  This type of transformation is most noticeable in a baby of course, because their growth is on a high trajectory and they have monumental benchmarks related to their ability to say their first word or take their first step.  Parents now-a-days are better about recording those moments via their cell phone cameras or their high resolution digital devices, which can capture and archive these precious moments throughout a person's life.  I believe that many times we get caught up in our own schedules of work, school or caring for others that we truly forget to notice the many small wonders around us that can help our days to be a bit brighter and more alive.  I learned many years ago that by stopping, looking and listening in relative silence, that those instances can provide a wealth of opportunities to see beautiful and memorable things.  In many instances, the small moments that may seem ordinary to many, have extraordinary elements that can make our days feel more fulfilled.  As in my commute the other morning when I was riding a train to work, things were just a bit different.  Although the familiar faces of commuters from the prior week each took a seat around me, there was a new person that sat right across from me and was sipping coffee while talking about what a great morning this was.  Most of the folks around her quickly dove into their books or started to tap things into their cell phones and while I was already listening to music, I kept my attention on her as she appeared to be full of energy.  After she acknowledged others around her and finished saying good morning, she put on her ear phones and began bopping away to the music playing.  While she was sitting, she was grooving to the tunes playing on her phone and did a few snaps and moved her head as if she was part of the musical performance.  I personally enjoyed all of it, because she didn't mind that people may have been looking at her, she was simply having a joyful morning that was filled with music that spoke to her.  She got off the train not too long afterwards, however, I continued to feel her energy left behind along with her spirit of happiness.  I can say with great certainty that most of my train counterparts missed this observation, because they just didn't appear to pay attention.  In my own mind, I was wondering about the type of music the lady was playing, who was the band and what era were they from?  I was just being curious, because I wondered if I would have had the same reaction to her music.  As I walked off the train I thought to myself, I need to change my own Pandora radio station to something more upbeat to match that energy.  To come full circle with my observations, I feel that paying attention to some of the simple on-goings around you, can provide for opportunities to change the tone or outcome of your day.  The decision of how to react to these moments is always your prerogative and I hope that you don't take those instances of your day for granted, as you must remember that they will never be relived again.  Keep your eye out for what may be the ordinary to others, as you can find that those junctures can be filled with plenty of inspiration and validation that your life can be in a good place.  You can always redefine the appearance of what is perceived as typical to be something greater, which can serve as a higher purpose of inspiration or a dose of energy if you construe it that way.

“I am an ordinary person who has been blessed with extraordinary opportunities and experiences.” –Sonia Sotomayor

Clarity Rediscovered

I was on a trip to the mountains in upper Northern California towards Nevada a couple of weeks ago and as I made my way up away from the valley floor, the landscape and temperature began to change quite dramatically along with the higher elevation.  I must have said wow to myself multiple times as I traveled the winding road, while the vivid green colors of the pine trees and lush vegetation choreographed the rest of my drive.  I stopped to overlook a canyon at one point as there was even a more dramatic effect with the added cliff side views as I stared out into this majestic wonder.  In that moment, I could only say the words "thank you"for opportunity to experience the beauty around me. One side effect of this day adventure, was the feeling of a sense of clarity that can only come from realizing my place in this world, compared to the more formidable lifetime that nature has been in existence.  The stern pine trees towering over my head appeared to whisper quiet secrets that only the nature animals could understand, when the gentle breeze wafted through its branches.  As I got back on my truck to continue the rest of my journey, I contemplated to myself how the simple joy of this experience would be archived in my memories for the days ahead when the lack of having a clarity can sometimes create a fog that is slow to lift in my head.  The other byproduct of having these experiences is that my sincere appreciation for these moments has grown so much more now that I am older.  The reason for that can be partially attributed to the fact that as younger person, I failed to stop and be in the moment.  In the back of my mind I also often wonder, how many more times will I have the privilege to have these experiences.  Time goes by quicker than we think it does and our ignorance of youth tells us that we have so much more time than we actually do.  We also get caught up in our busy lives full of career driven ambition and meandering thoughts, that we tend to minimize the importance of living to appreciate all of the smaller things.  I have a fervent wish for young people in that they are able to wake up to the importance of living in a clear and more present tense at a much younger age.  Sometimes I do talk to young folks and find the gem of one of them who already knows what I am talking about.  For those very rare instances, I simply cheer them on as I believe that they are so much further ahead of the game of life, than I ever was at their age.  Life can challenge us at times and after the fact, we realize that there was a lesson to be learned from that experience.  It is sometimes not until much later from coming through a trial, that we have a clarifying moment.  This is why I so appreciate the ability to have rediscovered clarity in the periods of life where one simply can enjoy the experience, without a needed trial of some sort.  I also hope that you are able to find the opportunities that exist in finding your own moments to recharge and clear your head.  By greeting what comes at you with a grateful heart, you will find that more of those instances will find their way to you and with that I believe that your ability to enjoy the lucidity that can refresh the view to the path that you were meant to walk.

What Is Your Story?

Today I am sharing a column that will be published next month.

Inventing Your Life

“What Is Your Story”

 

By

 

Rob Claudio

 

 

As I was watching a special on television a couple of weeks ago, one of the speakers of a talk show asked a guest very directly about their story and how they became famous.  The person answering the question took a long time to respond, because he relayed to the host that his story was very complicated and fame was a residual result of his primary passion, which was simply to be an actor.  The actor's long pause made me ask that same question to myself almost simultaneously, as I envisioned myself sitting in that guest chair.  I also took a long time to consider my answer as I contemplated what I would say.  First, I do know that everyone who has had the privilege of living a few decades on earth, has a choice number of stories that they could tell with regard to what they have been able to overcome through the course of their lifetime.  I have had some great mentors and wonderful friends that happen to be older than I am, which has provided me with great insight and plenty of stories that have inspired me to become a better version of myself, as a result.  I also wholeheartedly believe that I have a ways to go.  During the course of many deep conversations with people that were part of my life at one time or another, I learned that there were some very tough beginnings to people's lives, many of which could make your heart break.  One of the most inspiring stories that was shared with me, was of this individual who had to leave his country of origin because remaining there could have meant that he and his family may have lost their lives.  It was in Central America and a group of people who dismantled many established happy families were called the Sandinistas.  I remember how his story had me riveted, as he fled with very few belongings and he had to travel across many countries north, before he arrived into this country illegally at first with his older brother.  They both did not know what awaited them, after achieving this great feat of crossing several borders without losing their lives and then waiting to see when the rest of their family would be able to join them.  Although I could spend an entire blog and a half to tell you about his particular story, I will conclude by telling you that this young man who arrived here under the most dire of circumstances, ended up becoming a legal U.S. citizen, went to school and then graduated from college, while later earning a P.H.D. from a well-known university in California.  I recall that I was completely mesmerized by his story of personal accomplishment and after listening to what he was able to overcome, I felt like such an under achiever.  Although I had my own story filled with personal challenges that I have faced, it was amazing to hear another story filled with human triumph and a living example of the possibilities that came with that type of perseverance.  This is also why sometimes when I am stuck in traffic, or sitting in a waiting room or perhaps stuck in the busy lobby of an airport, the art of people watching for me becomes greatly interesting, as I begin to wonder what the story of a particular individual that I am next to might be.  No matter what your own story is, I am hopeful that you have been able to achieve many of your own personal goals in your own life and have also shown the world that you are an example of great achievement.  When given the opportunity, remember that you can always find inspiration in other people or even yourself, all you have to do is recant the story of where one began and trace what has transpired thus far.  That exercise alone can bring a smile to your face and a feeling of exhilaration when you take the time to review.  Ultimately, it may also rejuvenate your purpose as you refocus back on the path that you were meant to walk.

 

“The whole story is about you. You are the main character”. –don Miguel Ruiz

The Windshield View

I have heard the saying on more than one occasion that there is a reason a car has a very large windshield glass versus the rearview mirror, which is quite small and completely its opposite.  Over the course of reading many motivational messages, I have been reminded that my future is looking forward and as a result, should have the largest view possible.  In contrast our past has been lived and although there may be some moments that were less than pleasant or just plain difficult, the rearview mirror reminds us that looking backwards should have a view that pales in comparison to what lies ahead.  I am always glad to see a version of this message in looking at material that speaks to me, because I can never tire of being reminded about focusing on what comes next.  Having said that, we just began a brand-New Year 2018 and I am of the belief that the large windshield view, is clear and full of promise.  So many things can occur during the course of twelve months and every time I get to celebrate a new January 1st, I am also reminded of those that are no longer able to celebrate along with us, as they have ended their journey here and I have an expectation that they will await to greet us on the other side.  For me the future can be filled with optimism since we don't know what it holds in store for us, I then choose to have great expectations of the good things to come.  How those things will manifest somehow in my life is always a surprise, but nonetheless, an expected one. Within the last twelve months, I can recall some trying moments that if I focused on them, could change my perspective about the type of year I had.  More importantly, there were many more instances that were filled with happiness that I have catalogued those in my memory as they will serve me well, if I get to one of those days that needs some cheering up down the road.  When you are thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead, I hope that you do so with a smile on your face and wonderful thoughts about how life can get even better.  This thinking brought to mind how an old friend taught me to buy a lottery ticket on a routine basis.  The reason was not necessarily focused on winning the big jackpot, rather this friend of mine instead asked me what I would do with all of that money.  With her, I would contemplate for extended periods of time that we would pay off our home, or buy a new one.  The world would be our playground with this windfall as we could see many of the places that looked spectacular in magazines and on travel blogs, in person. After we finished with our dreams being said out loud, she would then tell me that this one dollar that was spent on this ticket, was the best therapy that money could buy.  I never forgot that lesson and the many smiles that have come with those purchases and to this day, I still buy a lottery ticket on a routine basis. In doing so, I smile as I think about the future and whether the windfall comes or not, I am quite happy to be in the present moment looking forward through my clear large and spotless windshield view.  As we begin what I hope will be a prosperous year for everyone ahead, I also hope that you clean off any things from your view that may not serve you anymore.  Just like a regular windshield, periodically we need to give it a good cleaning, so that we can see with better clarity at what great things lie ahead.    
 

“My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue, an everlasting vision of the ever changing view”. -Carole King