Reset Button

As the kids are finally out of school for the summer and a designated break is now in session, many families are planning for a trip of some type which will create new memories that everyone can look back upon. Never mind that we are just emerging from a pandemic, which changed the world for all of us and in the midst of it, we were given the opportunity to re-evaluate our priorities.  I noticed among my own inner circle of folks that as much as everyone wants to get out and do something away from home, there are plans among many of them to re-connect with family and friends, some of which they have not seen for well over a year.  One of the things I do appreciate most about social media is that I can go on a journey with someone on their trip and feel the emotions through pictures of the places or people they are connecting with.  I have also been able to keep up with the growing number of family members as I see what used to be little nieces and nephews, who are now becoming adults and coming into their own as grown-ups from a distance.  Whether we are able to witness things in person or from afar, it is something to be thankful for that we are still alive and able to have these new experiences.  I have also not lost sight of the fact that during the worst part of the pandemic, we either lost people in our own families or knew of others who did, which caused much grief that still lingers today.  From being on lockdown, so to speak, I also came to appreciate some of the simple items related to catching up with someone face-to-face.  There are so many instances these days where people seem to have the least amount of time, which contributes to less family dinners and even less direct human connection.  As a result, we can all now appreciate being able to hug someone and look at them straight in the eye, while having a conversation which may have been interrupted over the course of a year and half or so.   Just recently, I had pictures from friends traveling in Mexico City as they explored the majestic pyramids and family members on an adventure in Lake Tahoe.  In addition, I had the privilege of catching up for a fun dinner with two very close friends, which brought some much-needed laughter and hugs at the end.  I thought about the new appreciation that I now have for things like this, which I previously took for granted. Our reset buttons have all been pressed, whether we liked it or not and we all can approach things differently as a result.  I know that many of us hope to not go through anything else like this in the rest of our lifetimes, however, I hope we all learn to appreciate the gift of what this button has done.  As many of you plan for a family get away somewhere soon, I hope that you are thoughtful and calculated in enjoying the luxury of having the ability to do so, especially when others are still not able to.  Therefore, plan with great ambition and experience new sights and sounds, as you add to the collection of wonderful memories which may have been on hold.  Remember that the opportunity to re-engage in many of life's great experiences are all a gift which we should all continue to be grateful for, as many of us re-acclimate to a different world now with a new regenerated perspective.       

“Change your thoughts and you can change your world.”
― Norman Vincent Peale

Beautiful Scars

I was watching an interview a few weeks ago with a famous back-up singer, who spoke about a tragic accident later in her life that caused her to lose two legs.  Merry Clayton sang famously with the Rolling Stones and went on to many other acclaimed back up performances along with a career on her own that also included stints on film.  In the interview, she explained that when awaking from several surgeries after her accident in 2014, her doctor had to advise her that her legs had been amputated due to the severe nature of the injuries.  Her response was simple, "what about my voice"?  The surgeon quickly explained that there was no issue with her vocal chords and her voice was fine.  She then commented that this was her gift and as long as she still had that, she would be alright.  I thought about her powerful response to such a traumatic event and could not help but feel her strength, courage and light that emanated from her.  These types of interviews propel much personal reflection for me, especially since I am a huge fan of human testimonies which can transform others through their telling.  How many of us have endured something tragic and as helpless as we felt, were able to get up the next day with the strength needed to get through and slowly overcome that deep difficulty?  I am sure volumes of books could be written after scouring the world to find the many gold nuggets of stories from everyday heroes that may not have seen the limelight.  If you are a child of immigrants, like I am, that alone evokes many examples of what my family members endured in order to come to this country to seek a better life.  Although I heard of some stories in particular from my grandmother growing up, I know that there were many more that were probably not shared because they were too painful or perhaps felt that they were not important enough to tell.  I always asked many questions of my grandmother when she was in a story telling mood. A piece of one that I remember quite vividly, was that in the hot summer months while living in Mexicali, Mexico across the U.S. border, she would come home from work at night to a small room with no fan or even more unimaginable then...air conditioning.  The weather at night cooled down to the high 90 degrees and she would get her bed sheet and dampen it with water to cover herself up and feel a bit cooler.  I think about that story every now and then, especially when I want to complain in the summer that it is too hot outside.  I remind myself that I not only have more than one fan in my house, I can set my thermostat to 70 degrees if I wanted.  Because of those who came before me, I am living a much better life with very little to complain about in the grand scheme of things.  My other thoughts from inspiring stories such as Ms. Clayton's when they mention gifts, is that I also remind myself to nurture the gifts that I have and to share as much as I can with those that can use a helping hand.  Sometimes, helping is not a personal physical act and other times it can be.  The main point is that the act of doing for others helps you remember what your gifts are and also provides for a shot of adrenaline that could do more for you than any energy drink.  The final item I will leave you with is what Ms. Clayton said about the scars she bears from her accident.  For her, she felt that those scars were beautiful because they will always remind her of the grace she was given to get through a difficult part of her life.  My ending thought to myself was that I too should be proud of all of the scars I carry whether visible or not. They help remind me of everything I have endured in my own life, as I too have been given grace on many occasions, without necessarily feeling that I deserved it.  I hope that you think of your own scars as badges of honor too, so that when given the opportunity you can share with others how you were able to overcome and grow to be the person that you see looking back at you in the mirror today.   Remember that all of the scars attributable to your life are beautiful too!   

        "Scars. A sign that you had been hurt. 

A sign that you had healed.”
       

― Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Forgiveness

A few weeks ago, I was following a discussion online about the topic of forgiveness and although it is a topic that I periodically see come up, I realized that I had not yet directly written about it in my own column.  My first thoughts were that this is not an easy subject for many people, because everyone who has had to contend with this in their lives may have wounds of varying depths and degrees.  I remember when I was in high school and Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), had become an influential organization.   It was created out of the necessity for mothers to bond and feel that their child's life had not been taken in vain, while finding a purpose in this type of tragedy as they tried to prevent future heartbreaking losses.  Fast forward to today and there a number of other such worthy organizations which focus on saving lives and helping others by sharing the experience of a personal pain.  Along these lines, I recalled watching a news special on one of the evenings shows several years ago, when a mother had a face-to-face discussion with the person that took her son's life as a result of a crime.  The mother who listened to the individual personally apologize for what he did, took courage to a whole new level.  In addition, that inmate who decided he wanted to face this person that he had caused so much pain to, was equally valiant.  You can certainly say that both of them were in need of healing in their lives and the boldness to face each other was among the hardest things they have had to endure.  I remember the mother at the end of that conversation with tears in her eyes, told that individual that she had to forgive him because she believed in a God that expected nothing less of her.  It was a mesmerizing and touching moment to see and you could almost feel the weight of this great tragedy begin to lift from both of these people after they concluded their conversation.  I have also met people over the years who carried resentment and un-forgiveness towards someone that caused them pain, yet, were still not willing to make peace with them.  The energy that it took to carry such ongoing mental weight in my view, continued to prevent them from mending something that was broken inside of them.  However, until we have experienced something significant of this nature ourselves, it may be difficult to understand what someone else's heartache feels like.  The one thing I know for sure is that it takes a lot of stamina to continue to hold on to negative feelings, while conditioning oneself to purposefully recall anger or resentment on an ongoing basis.  The best advice I ever saw written in a short sentence regarding forgiveness, was that it is needed for you to heal and not necessarily for the person that caused the pain.  I could certainly write a lot more about what I have witnessed related to this topic, however, my purpose is to bring people closer in some way to finding that relief which many may be seeking.  Another saying that sticks out for me related to this topic, is that everyone has a personal story which can break your heart.  These I am sure were born of tragic circumstances which changed the course of people’s lives.  The hardest part is always how one picks up the pieces of something that was broken and begins putting things back in their rightful place.  My deepest hope is that for those who may be contending with this issue, that they find a way to forgive in order to move forward towards a form of curative recovery.  Remember forgiving does not mean forgetting, however, in time you will see that if you can bring yourself to this place, you may find it harder to remember the pain which was caused and why you chose to hold on to it for so long.  My other best advice, is to tell your story to others who may need to hear it.  You could the best example to show people they are not alone and to see what forgiveness can look like personified in others. ☮

“True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience.”

― Oprah Winfrey

True Grit

About a month ago I was captivated by a story about a 95-year-old veteran who continues on his quest to run across America from San Diego to Georgia.  Interestingly, this is the second time he is embarking on this run, as he previously did this in 2016.  I was just astonished at the thought of being that age and having the stamina to be able to accomplish such a task.  Over the years, I have learned that all of us have a level of strength that we can summon from the depths of our inner being which we never knew we had, until we are pressed in an extraordinary circumstance.  I have heard stories of people who have helped others after an accident, where they lifted an incredible amount of weight to help rescue someone in dire need.  Some people call these extraordinary beings who came out of nowhere angels, who were brought by divine intervention to aid them in their moment of need.  If you begin to filter the stories which are fed to us via the many channels of social media, television or any other form of communication, you realize that there are plenty of stories of these extraordinary occurrences to go around.  Then a couple of weeks ago, I saw a great story of a young man who was homeless living in Virginia and worked three part time jobs to get himself through school and was eventually accepted into his dream university of Boston College.  Aside from his shear will and determination to overcome homelessness, he took it upon himself to walk from where he lived prior to the beginning of his school year.  His purpose in doing so as he proceeded over the course of many weeks was to raise money for homeless students, as he traveled on foot through the many states it took to get him to Massachusetts.  Again, not only was I astonished at such a tremendous effort by this great example of a youth, the fact that this young man took it upon himself to help other homeless students, while making the world focus on issues that we should all do something about was just amazing.  In this story, they didn't mention any parents who were involved; however, I just know that there must have been many shining lights of individuals, who in some way helped him achieve such great accomplishments.  All of this makes me reflect on the strength and perseverance which is in all of us, as we await the different instances where we will need to call upon one of these super powers to help us get through one of life's hurdles. While I appreciate that a tough circumstance can create the impetus to achieve, I know for many of us, it is not a large obstacle that may be in our way.  For many of us, just getting out of our own comfort zone and being willing to step into a new direction can be the challenge.  What we have to rely upon is what brought us to these moments and the fact that our life experiences are the stepping stones, which we need to remember are beneath our feet already.  I hope all of you are able to find that grit and determination when you are in need and remember that if a 95-year-old person can raise the bar for all of us to achieve great things, then so can you!        

Leading During Unpredictable Times

I attended a conference during the last recession which was led by one of my longtime mentors, John Maxwell.  Although this happened many years ago, I was reminded of this session with regard to our own present period where we are facing a very high unemployment rate and so much economic uncertainty.  John spoke about many things that leaders must do, in order to overcome substantial obstacles that all of us face during tough times.  I went back to review my notes and I felt like this was the perfect time to go over some of what I took home as highlights of that powerful discussion. 

*Face reality - Look at the situation as it is. Talking about the good o'l days is not the reality 

*In unpredictable times, you have to believe in yourself. Share your beliefs as they are caught by those we lead. 

*Be passionate about what you do. Unpredictable times takes the energy out of people's lives. Passion gives you energy, it is the great energizer to help balance out your current reality. 

*Make good choices. Making choices on the front end with better thoughtfulness and intention will anchor you in the long run. Take the initiative during this difficult period and prioritize decisions that need to be made. "First things first". 

*Recall what you learned from bad experiences and put experience into play. Remember when we fail there are two leadership responses, one is to learn from a failure and the other is to lead with this knowledge.  Also, become astute about what you learn in difficult times, as it will help build your road map to recovery. 

*Value teamwork. John used the Mt. Everest analogy here, in that no one gets to the top of a mountain by themselves. If you think you got to the top of a mountain by yourself, it will take you an eternity to figure out how to get down. 

*Make it happen! When no one else is moving and you do, you win the race. Nothing predicts your future more than how you handle problems in your life.  Every problem holds a blessing in it, as he feels problems are messages that we need to pay attention to, even though they may not be what we want to focus on at first. 

*Watch your attitude. Don't sink with the circumstances.  You want your attitude to help shape your situation.  Ultimately, your attitude is your responsibility and until you take responsibility for yours, you will never have a good one. 

*Continue to persevere.  Dreams become our reality when we keep our commitment to them. 

*Nourish your relationships.  Friends and family are most important during difficult times as their support strengthens us.  It also feels much better to know that others understand the load you are carrying and they can help you emotionally with the weight and pressure you are feeling. 

Finally, after concluding his topics, John, left us with a different explanation for the word "ACT" for all leaders: A = Apply C = Change T = Teach. 

My greatest hope in all of the difficult times that we are undergoing right now is that we definitely learn from everything that we are facing.  Utilizing that knowledge with prescriptive determination can help us put together the type of plan which may help others to overcome their own unpredictable period, as we help light the way for those who follow in our footsteps. 

Strength

As we contend with a worldwide issue affecting the health of individuals along with the economic vitality of our communities, having strength to overcome this has become the reservoir that we must all rely on during these difficult times.  Having our daily routines altered so abruptly, has given us the opportunity to think about things which are most important to us and the perspective of seeking alternative ways to use our energy as we come to terms with the immediate new normal in our everyday living.  Although one may be limited in going to gyms or other favorite places to work out, we can also enlist our minds in this new regimen as well, as more than ever we must continue to find intellectual stimulation in the face of the barrage of messaging which keeps coming at us.  Many folks seek spiritual strength to help them in their moments of need, as hope becomes part of the foundation for how we need to move forward.  Others may lean on their friends and families to help them with the additional energy needed and as we are reminded that our inner circle provides the safety net in which many of us rely on.  What amazes me is the selfless dedication of medical staff and professionals who are put in harm’s way, in order for them to be able to do their jobs to protect and help heal those that are ill.  In addition, the grocery store workers, truck drivers, essential state employees, gas station attendants, police and armed forces, along with many of the restaurant employees willing to provide takeout food in order to help keep their businesses going, shows the resilience of our world.  None of us has a way to determine how quickly we may be able to get past this challenging period, however, I am sure that many stories will make their way to the surface of the unsung quiet heroes that helped so many in their time of need.  I have seen many of our small business restaurant owners doing so much more than just helping to feed the patrons which still come to them for take-out orders, in that they also are looking out for the vulnerable people who may not have the resources to buy food or face hurdles in getting to a store for their items of sustenance.  Many of these restaurants have given back in more ways than one within their respective communities. With people not having a lot extra these days, it is very heartwarming to see how there continues to be wonderful examples of the good in people, given the strenuous times we are all living in.  After a long day of hearing news and information that is primarily negative in nature, I seek respite in viewing or reading stories that continue to feed me with positive spoonfuls of satisfying messages that can help lighten the globe's heavy load.  Among my favorite are the many videos of animals who do extraordinary things or sometimes just funny moments captured on a device which makes one laugh and smile as it puts many things into perspective.  Others are inspirational messages and quotes which give me that short burst of energy which my mind was looking for.  Finally, taking a breath of fresh air outside while witnessing the blooming flowers which were ready for spring, also changes my perspective, in that nature reminds me that fresh new starts are coming.  I hope very much that all of you continue to stay safe and healthy now and in the days ahead.  I also look forward to highlighting a story or two in the near future about the wonderful and kind spirit that challenging times give birth to in the face of such adversity.  Peace and blessings to all of you!

“Strength does not come from physical capacity.

It comes from an indomitable will.” – Mahatma Gandhi

The Author

The traditional period of celebrating a New Year, brings with it a time to contemplate if we need to make some changes that we have been thinking about for some time in our lives.  Not necessarily resolutions, I am more inclined to believe that as we get older and have to adjust to our age, our lifestyles can also use a bit of a tune up as time catches up with us.  What motivates me is to watch people who are older than myself who are vibrant, active and living life to the fullest, without regard to what age they happen to be.  I have many friends who fall into this category and as such, they remain part of my inspiration of what can come in the chapters of my own life up ahead. As far as adjustments we can look at making, there are always many choices.  Many of them are traditional as perhaps we take a different look at the way we eat, exercise or handle money as the start of where we would like to see some modifications to occur.  Most of us forget that we are the authors of our own biography while we are still alive and we just need to be reminded about this sometimes.  Therefore there is no better time than when we say hello to a brand new January.   As the author of your life, you get an interesting choice in that you may have not selected the type of beginning your life had, however, you certainly get to map out how you want the rest of your life to play out.  In writing our own personal growth chapters, I also firmly believe that we need to ensure to learn from our mistakes and be careful not to repeat any of things which did not serve us well previously.  Hopefully, you are at a point in your life when you are able to recognize your achievement of wisdom that comes with age, as you look back with different eyes at the things that you learned.  I also would like to emphasize that life adjustments are not always easy and they take time to become habits.  Hence, it is important when making changes, to begin with small steps as you make your way towards goals.  Remember a good example is that any professional athlete did not get to the pinnacle of their sport overnight.  It has taken time and discipline to achieve a level of success which they were determined to get to, along with many setbacks before reaching their optimal objective.  Similarly, we can use those illustrations to remind us of how we want to proceed in our own journeys.  To help motivate yourself, find examples of the people you want to model yourself as, while taking a small step everyday towards making the changes you would like to see in your life.  Also ensure that you have a good inner circle of support which is your sounding board, which can provide positive reinforcement to let you know that you are capable of achieving your goals.  Finally, take moments to celebrate your milestones, as small as they may be.  These serve as opportunities to take a brief look back to see how far you have come and to encourage yourself in that you are most capable of achieving what you set out to.  Remember that as you continue to author your own story, you have the freedom and creativity to illustrate how great and joyous your life can be.  Therefore continue to add those chapters which you felt were missing thus far and I wish you much success as you get to finalize the story which you would be proud of for others to read.