Self Validation

I watched a video on YouTube some time ago, that provided a great example for how people get caught up in trying to obtain validation from others.  It brought to mind how we are conditioned since our youth to seek this in order to fulfill an inherent need that we are okay.  Understandably as a child one needs more guidance and formulation as the early years in one's life have a definite impact on how the rest of your life will turn out.  What I find even more interesting is that as we reach adulthood, the people that we had turned to for validation also shifts.  Some gravitate back to their parents, while others choose their best friends or confidants as the go-to people in their lives.  If you got married or are in a long term relationship, then it is your spouse or partner in life that may be the one to fulfill this role.  I have also seen children become the example of validation to a parent as well, so it is interesting that this particular relationship can go full circle.  Where I find there is lots of room for improvement is in the area of self validation.  This is when one can get to the point of looking in the mirror and being okay with the person that they see staring back at them.  To me self validation is finding that happy medium where you no longer are so self critical of yourself, as you seek ways to further improve upon what you already have.  I know that is easier said than done, however, one should consider the consequence of not addressing this behavior.  The world is hard enough on all of us with the many things that come our way.  Whether they are life issues or other things that can deflate your sails at times, one has to have the ability to regroup and continue forward on their respective journeys.  Imagine what your world could be like if you were to like yourself more, did not listen to unwelcome and unflattering criticism, while focused on being the type of person you have always aspired to?  Ideally, this is the world that one should be living in and if you are not there yet, then perhaps it is time to re-set your sails towards a different destination.  Don't pull yourself apart so much that there is very little that you can be proud of.  Instead, focus on the many things that you do well, those things that you like about yourself and then make a short list of the items that you will begin to change in the near future.  Your self validation is much more important than those that you seek outside of who you are, so give yourself the opportunity to achieve a sense of satisfaction about who you have become.  Remember to keep marching forward towards your desired goal and let the rumblings of those that should play less importance in your life go by the wayside.  In the end, your happiness will be much more fulfilled as your ship finally arrives to the illusive port that you may have had a hard time reaching.  

Release

Today I am sharing a new column that will be published next month.

Inventing Your Life

“Release”

By

Rob Claudio

As I contemplate the beginning of this New Year, I think about the benefit everyone can have from having a fresh start.  In particular, if you had a tough year recently, then consider this as your opportunity to look for ways to manifest better things that you desire for your life.  Although I have talked about planning for one’s own transformation in past columns, I wanted to touch upon an important subject that relates to one’s ability to receive the changes that one is planning for.  I learned through meditation the great benefits which can occur through calculated breathing and taking long deep breathes that are cleansing to your body, mind and soul.  When I began my first sessions, I initially noticed that I was trying to breathe similarly to when you go see your doctor with a bad cough or flu.  I was taking long deep breaths, however, it felt like I was waiting to see if I had a wheeze as I exhaled.  It took a few times before I could fully be in the moment and let go of that self consciousness that I was not testing for allergies or some other respiratory problem.  I noticed that after several minutes my own body fell in sync with my deep breathing and I could feel myself completely relax.  During this process I also realized that the breathing provided for this existential release that my mind and body needed, in order for the meditative experience to come full circle.  I found all of this relatable to the process of being prepared to accept change in your life. In thinking about what you want to see in your future, whether it is improved health, better finances or perhaps improved relationships, one must perform their own cleansing breath of sorts to get rid of all the prior issues that may still be lingering.  In order to take that deep breath and set your transformative energy to move forward, there is a releasing that must occur for one to be capable of new acceptance.  Think about the things that still bother you, whether there are relationships that you need to bring closure to or forgiveness for yourself for the short comings that were part of your past.  This is your opportunity to address those things and put them behind you.  If you can see a picture of yourself ahead in the distance with the things that you want in your life, then I hope that you are not distracted by looking in your rearview mirror to remind yourself of the mistakes or errors that were part of your distant past.  Remember that everything that you have done previously has brought you to your current state of being today. Concentrate on the fact that you learned many lessons that have gotten you to this stage in your life and don’t feel guilty or retain any regrets.  Acknowledgement of an error simply means that you have grown enough to understand the difference between doing what is wrong and doing what is right, especially now that you know better. Give yourself the time and space to acknowledge the things that still bother you and finally get to the point that you are able to release what is no longer adding value to your life.  Your goals ahead may appear much closer than you think, if you concentrate on the fact that acceptance of the better and brighter you, is tied to leaving the less optimal you behind.          

"Forgiveness is a funny thing.  It warms the heart and cools the sting."

-William Arthur Ward

Having A Playful Heart

When you think about the term "play", most people would probably think of something that children do, as the most likely definition that they relate to.  If you did think about children and laughter when thinking about this term, then it probably brought a smile to your face as you could immediately recall a child that exhibited this behavior.  Nothing can cheer a person up more quickly than hearing the laughter of children as it causes intrinsic joy to anyone around them.  Most of us adults tend to lose the connection to being able to play, due to the sometimes chaotic world that we live in. If you were to meditate for a moment and think back to your childhood, to a time where you experienced such pure happiness that play and laughter were bound together as part of a great transcendent formula, I am sure that this too would bring some more happy memories of your distant past.  When I hear about the people that I know that are either retired or are older than me who have that great zest for life, I can tell you that playing is part of their daily routine.  This is why I find it is so important for us as adults and at any age, to contemplate where we are with regards to how we exhibit and attract joy to our lives.  If you look for things that bring you happiness and are diligent about finding them daily, one will eventually fulfill that which they set out to do.  Everyone has a to-do list that they follow or create as part of their daily schedule, so why not include some periods through out the day to look for those moments that bring you sheer joy.  As an example this morning while I was out taking a walk, I came upon some drawings made of chalk that were drawn on a bike path prior to a hilly area where it becomes tougher to keep up a good pace.  The drawing included a picture of a snail with the words, "here we go",  right next to the smiling snail.  I can tell you that in that moment looking at that message made me smile and brought me a dose of joy as this is an area where one has to normally put their biggest effort into climbing.  For someone else who may struggle with that particular area made the potential hurdle turn into a smiling moment for many of us.  This was a simple reminder that joy and happiness does not have to come via a grand gesture or act.  The experience can manifest itself such as a simple drawing made of chalk.  As your days quickly fill up ahead, remind yourself to look for those opportunities where you can find moments of joy, silliness and laughter that can boost your energy as you think about the many wonderful things that are going right in your life.  Seek out those moments and make a small list daily of those things that brought a smile to your face.  You will find that as your list becomes a bit longer, you will realize that you have a lot more happiness in your life than you actually are aware of.

Opportunities And Expectations

When you experience hurdles in your life, are you the type of person that feels and carries the weight of those obstacles with you for a long period of time?  Or are you the type of person that looks at the experience with an open mind and sees the opportunity for the experience to teach you something?  The philosophies behind the answers to these questions brings up two very different types of thinking with one of them leading you down a path towards more immediate growth.  Time is of the essence for everyone as we all know that we have less of it than we would like to.  Therefore given the opportunity to absorb and grow more readily should be the optimal path for the majority of people.  I do find it fascinating when I see the people around me that chose the other different path that can sometimes appear to filled with martyrdom or the victim type of mentality.  We all learn from everything that we live through and in particular are those instances where we find our backs pressed against a wall.  We may not see the solution imminently at times, however, with some quiet down time along with meditation or prayer, the answers soon begin to reveal themselves.  In many of those instances the answers are not the one's we wanted because we look at our circumstance with a particular bias, in that we want the solution to simply be about us.  We forget that in many cases our life solutions not only teach us something about ourselves, they are also part of a process that teaches others around us as well.  I think about this when I hear about a difficult circumstance that someone I know is undergoing or perhaps I have a conversation with someone and upon revealing the difficulty of a particular person they ask for my good thoughts and prayers.  These affected individuals may never meet the people that prayed or thought about them, however, they made an impact in their lives.  Therefore when you think about what you want for your life or if you are facing a particular dilemma, remember that when you speak the truth of that situation to yourself and others, there is a cosmic energy that is set in motion to bring about resolution.  What you need will come to you, it just not may be as immediate or in the type of manner that you imagined.  I also think it behooves everyone to be very specific in what they ask for, as there is something to be said for having clarity in your expectations.  Remember that there are always people in need around you or within your circles of support, that may need your spiritual strength to get them through their rough period, so be generous in providing a helping hand or heart.  What you sow in good deeds will always come back to you in multiple returns and part of our journey is to help others.  As  you await the new opportunities to come into your life as the New Year begins, be aware of all of them which may be disguised initially as an obstacle.  Your year may be the best one yet, if you give yourself the chance to look at things differently and be open to all the greatness that you deserve.  

Surrender

With the closing of the year upon us, there are many things that one can contemplate that have occurred over the course of the last twelve months that they would like to have done differently.  Our lives are filled with many of those instances when we made decisions that in retrospect could have have been better thought out, while providing us with a potential different outcome.  What one has to realize is that everything that has taken place in our lives has not been an accident.  Acceptance of that which has transpired is crucial to being able to grow and the act of surrendering to the fact that you are the person that you are today, because of the vast compilation of your entire past, is a must.  If your past is filled with things that are less than desirable, then think about the fact that the remainder of your life can be filled with the opposite and you can have a great ending or second half.  A lot of people spend a good portion of their lives questioning the why or what if scenarios, that they felt could have changed the course of their life journey.  However, at some point you have to make peace with all of those scenarios and leave them where they belong, in the past.  The time that you have in the present is what actually matters and making future memories filled with the things that truly fill your heart with happiness, peace and joy can be had if you decide that that it should be so.  The power that one has to create this state of transformation is a built-in phenomenal tool that everyone has the capability of accessing at any given time.  The only thing that is needed to trigger its release is when you decide when it is time to use it.  The New Year brings with it many things and among them is the hope that is awaiting in your future.  Although the clock strikes at midnight when it technically becomes the year 2014, seek to change your attitude about these changes immediately.  Meditate and visualize what you want to see differently as soon as it pops into your mind.  Then take a deep breath and allow yourself to be accepting and worthy of all these good things that you want in your life.  If you have things that have bothered you about your past or anything that has had a negative effect that is still part of your daily presence, then speak to that issue, acknowledge that it existed and then say a final goodbye to it.  Make the decision to not look back at the what if's, instead look ahead and think about the many opportunities that are presented in your New Year along with the other years ahead.  A new beginning can be just what the doctor ordered for many and if you are willing to put in the effort and have faith in yourself, the world is awaiting your new improved self.  By the time the ball drops in New York and the fireworks along with cheers of tonight's happy occasion takes place, you should already have your new vision and goals stated to yourself.  Then when the sun wakes you up in the morning with a crisp new beginning, take those steps that you need in order to fulfill your desired destination.  May the New Year 2014 bring all of you many blessings and good health among among your family, friends and loved ones!  

Grace Among Family For The Holidays

During the holiday season, many people travel long distances and brave various types of weather in order to arrive at a destination that is linked to a family home.  Whether it is traveling to see your parents, brothers, sisters or other close family and friends, part of the reason that this season is so special, is that people are re-connecting to their loved ones that hold a special place in their heart.  Although the images of people shopping and excessive crowds at the malls and other stories permeate the public media outlets, most people will not remember what gift they received shortly after the culmination of this day.  What will be recalled is the time and effort that was spent in arriving to see those key individuals that make up their close circle of influential people in their lives, along with the memories that they were able to hug, sit close or talk for a long period of time about what has happened over the course of time, since the last holiday they may have seen each other.  It is in those moments that one feels truly connected to these people and the realization that word family is much more powerful than most people think.  In these particular occasions, I can recall those people that I have known through out my life, where they had either limited family or no longer had people that they could call to fulfill this special niche in their life.  We were brought into this world with a larger circle of people that by blood makes us related and with that are these people that look and speak like we do, that make one realize that your familial genes are well connected among these various unique individuals.  When I see my relatives, I see the many variations of my aunts and uncle that they represent.  Whether it is through their mannerisms or just plain looks I see all of them as an extension of a long legacy of people that came before us via different generations, which created this collage of people that are intertwined and collectively connected to who I am.  Every year that goes by, we realize that some of us had more challenges than others and some have to deal with life issues that include the loss of a dearly departed.  As one gets older the realization that more of your life has been lived that what is now left can be a sobering thought, which is why it then becomes more essential to treasure the moments that are spent with these individuals called family.  At these intervals we mark new milestones filled with new memories to carry us until the next time when see them again.   Time always seems to march forward rather fast and it can become more difficult to reconnect with family, especially those that do not reside near you.  It is in all of these moments that gratitude and thanksgiving are most present which allow us to experience the familial circle of these special individuals.  As the holiday season comes to a near conclusion, my wish is that people will realize that it is not about the actual gifts that they received or the many hours that were spent finding parking at a busy mall, along with the expenses that were made in order to make someone's holiday more special.  More importantly I hope that people take a moment to celebrate each other along with the realization that the grace of someone's presence with them, was truly the magical experience that one may have been hoping to find.  The ability to take a moment to connect or reconnect to those that mean the most to you is something to be cherished and one just has to take a moment to realize that others would love to have this opportunity that many of us take for granted.  May today provide you with plenty of opportunities to rejoice in those moments and may you feel the presence of true heartfelt bonding with your family, friends and loved ones during this magical holiday. 

The Human Connection Experience

Periodically I think about the things that I know for sure about who I am and what I know about the life that I am living, while I take inventory of items that I may still need to add to my life.  Among those at the top of my list, I know that the one virtue that I must possess and use daily is to have compassion for others.  There are far too many instances when people have lost their way in the process of evolution and as a result are able to demonstrate on many levels where this virtue was not upheld to its fullest potential.  We live in a world where there is an emphasis on speed and the quicker the better has become the usual motto for many.  What is lost in this environment is the ability to connect to one another on a more personal basis.  I came a across the perfect example of this as I heard my brother telling me yesterday that he receives text messages from our mother who on occasion is an adjacent room in the same house.  Initially it made me laugh, however, I did think to myself about how sad our state of living has become that two people living in the same house prefer to type a message via a mobile device and press send, rather than walking a few steps to have a more in depth personal conversation.  This also brings me to another element associated with this new world communication style which has changed the way we write along with the use of the English language as a whole. The world is now used to abbreviating sentences to make them shorter or to fit a particular character limit on a social media outlet, that a full complete written sentence can now be considered to be a hindering issue for a particular communication vehicle.  People do not spell out complete words and the use of one letter can now be substituted for an entire response.  I know that there are many benefits to having a world that is more connected and that the speed of information traveling to all of us on a more immediate basis can be essential in many instances.  However, when we substitute connecting to people and looking at them directly in the eye with an electronic message, it can diminish one of those inherent needs as humans to know that we are in fact all one race.  Our ability to feel that we are intertwined as individuals that seek to gain the same peaceful existence, while we concurrently travel on our personal journey of living life can fall short of fulfilling our human experience.  Such as with being in the presence of nature, we are not able to send a text to a beautiful flower or a magnificent tree to let them know how we admire their majestic presence.  One has to actually experience that sensation and to able to fully absorb it in person, in order to know the power of creation that shows us those examples daily of how privileged we are to be able to call this planet our home.  All of us can strive to do a better job of connecting to others in order to be able to maximize our human potential and be reminded that we are connected via our own intrinsic paths. Our lives can be so much more full and self actualized if we were to work on this area of development, while bringing down the barriers that exist upon many that exemplify how we are more further apart than we are close.  The next time you decide that you want to send an email, text or perhaps Tweet in order to communicate a message to others, think about the other choice that you have in your ability to connect to your fellow beings by speaking to them in person.  This will enable you to see the light in their eyes when you speak their name, hear their words or laugh about a common experience.  Give more thought and respect to perhaps a hand written note, in order to let those people know that they are important in your life.  In this season of the holidays, when you write a card to someone that you have not seen for some time, put a few extra sentiments into that piece of handwritten material that exemplifies how much you appreciate having them as part of your life.  Finally, do not forget that although technology is a tool for us, it is simply just that and that we still need to communicate and connect with others in order for us to fulfill a greater purpose alongside them.