Happily Ever After

I was watching a story about a widow who had recently lost her husband of many years and during the interview she spoke tenderly about how they met and how their families did not foresee them getting married to each other when they were younger.  Like in many instances when parents want to exert their influence over whom the proper bride or groom should be for their beloved child, they ultimately want only the best for their offspring.  However, history has shown that what children want versus what a parent desires can be two very different things, in particular when it comes to matters of the heart.  The story of this person was no different and she did marry the love of her life, while proceeding to share a wonderful number of years together despite the obstacles which were part of their marriage.  When you recall the many unlikely couples through the course of time which may have been destined for failure, I think the more surprising number is of the many who did not make the headlines while going against the wishes of family and standing the test of time.  I thought about those families who spent years in a bitter feud or harboring resentment as a result of these types of situations, which was ultimately saddening that people are subjected to this negative draining energy and it could have been put to rest many years prior.  Think about how much stamina it can take to carry on in this manner day in and day out.  I am firm believer that it takes a huge amount of effort to consistently harbor negative emotions and when the stillness of night comes, those individuals may find it difficult to sleep given the lack of peace in their lives.  It can be challenging to stand up for one's principles, however, those with the courage to do so find that not carrying that large weight on their shoulders releases them from impassioned burdens.  We can all applaud those that stood up for what was right and as such, we should continue to champion the efforts of those who face scrutiny in the midst of them finding their true love.  For the many folks which decided to not pay attention to the opinions of the rest of the family, friends or other connected group, my hat is off to them.  I personally have known many individuals who were part of feud legacy which in some cases was created by the people which came before them.  It is interesting in retrospect how some folks hold on to the resentment of others without fully realizing why they were still doing so after many years.  To this, I heard a great quote in an interview recently, where someone stated that sometimes a journey which began a long time ago, must be concluded by the next generation.  For me, this came full circle in that the new generation has the capacity to end an old misunderstanding or ill feelings which have made their way to their present day living.  The opportunity to finally put an end to something which can bring peace of mind and release a heavy sentimental strain is worth it in paving a positive future ahead.  Whether the expectations of your prior generation came with legacy issues, it is up to you to determine what your next steps and future will look like.  My suggestion is that you paint the picture of the life you would like to see and be part of, with those individuals who add value to you and let go of things that no longer serve your best interest.  My wish is that your final chapter is filled with only the good things you cherish in order to meet your best expectations for a bright future ahead.  Hopefully, your tale will also end with a happily ever conclusion along with joy, peace and harmony as part of the closing credits.

Not All Storms Are In The Forecast

I am sharing my latest column to be published next month.

“Not All Storms Are In The Forecast”

 

By

 

Rob Claudio

I was listening to speaker talk about the issue of trying to remain calm during a storm a few weeks ago.  As I heard her words I then recalled having seen many inspirational quotes which have stated something similar, yet, I felt as if I needed to clarify a few things related to this statement before I could fully accept it.  First, it is true that worrying about things which you have little or no control over can chip away at your peace of mind, especially when our inclination is to take immediate action.  Easier said than done, is also the next thing which then flashes through my mind.  In going back to the speaker she also mentioned that many of the storms which we face in life were never part of the forecast, and on this point I am in complete agreement.  The reason is there are many examples through the course of my own life when I felt that I was not prepared to weather such a large storm, which I found myself immersed in as it arrived out of nowhere.  Think about the instance of having a car accident, which most of us can never predict when they will occur, yet, we have all been there in the aftermath of trying to figure out our next steps.  What may have seemed like a minor fender bender, can sometimes snowball into something much more serious along with the costs associated with this inconvenience.  So, what happens when your forecast gets altered so strongly, that all of a sudden you find yourself disoriented as you were not prepared for it and then have to figure out the best exit strategy for yourself?  For me the answer has gone back time and again to having faith in myself and my circumstance that I will be able to overcome these things with personal endurance, spiritual guidance and the knowledge that I have family and friends which can lend me their shoulder to lean on.  I know that this may seem more difficult if you feel that you lack a network of support and if you happen to be in that situation, then I say look to do good things even in the most minor way to help others, while you await a breakthrough for your own situation.  When faced with an obstacle, I don't have to go very far to realize and see examples of other people who are facing much bigger issues than I am.  When you put things into perspective and you begin looking at how to tackle small items before you can even get to the much larger ones, you essentially begin to put one foot in front of the other.  Before you know it, you realize that you are actually walking forward while stringing together these milestones which will eventually lead you to the place you needed to be.  The caveat to this is the fact that it may take longer than you thought was necessary and in many situations you may feel as if one day was more like one month.   However, I still challenge you to do good deeds and seek out someone else who may need some assistance in the middle of your own turmoil.  The minute you take your mind off of your own problems, is when your view of the challenge changes and it is also when I believe you then allow for the right energy to lead you in the direction you needed to go.  I think we can all agree that as long as we are living, we will face our share of obstacles on the road of life.  My hope for all of you is that you not lose sight of progress which can be found in helping someone else.  As an optimist I believe everyone will find their way to the right place and ultimately the destination will be filled with joy and peace of mind. I am also certain that all of us have the power to weather unforeseen storms which were never in our forecasts and the revelation that helping others when you also need assistance may sound counterintuitive. However, you will be surprised at how things can fall into place when you are no longer at the center of your own storm.

 

“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine”
-Morris West

Simple Things

I am sharing a column to be published next month.

“Simple Things”

By

Rob Claudio

I was doing some house cleaning a few weeks ago, doing what I thought were typical mundane things as one normally does on the weekend.  When I got to my bedroom and began to change my sheets, my Siamese cat Diego would not let me put on the fitted sheet as he thought it was a game that we needed to play together.  Every time I attempted to spread the sheet, he would jump in the middle and twirl while grabbing on to a piece of it.  I went from saying "stop that" to just throwing the entire sheet over him, as I laughed at how he tangled himself up in all of it.  He then peered out of a corner every so often to see if our game was still going on, while I continued to have a good chuckle. I sat there and just enjoyed the funny moment which many cat owners I am sure can attest to, when their furry friends do similar mischievous things.  As I stepped outside with my hamper of laundry on my next to-do item, I continued to think about all of the moments we have in our lives when we are able to smile or laugh at what could be deemed as uneventful for some, yet they may create harmonious memories for others.  Then my opportunities of grinning junctures did not end with my own pet, as it continued at my brother's house where I had to do some late afternoon nephew sitting for the family dog, a Miniature Pinscher named AJ.   There I was met by the loud bark coming out of the smallest dog, with a personality ten times his size along with a big cuddly heart.  We went for the traditional walk and he tugged on the leash on an ongoing basis, as if to tell me we needed to go faster.  So much green territory to cover in a short amount of time, as I finally got what he was trying to impart to me through his quick sniffs and ongoing walking into the trees and bushes, only to periodically look back at me as if to say, "aren't you having fun?!"  I got to sit at a park bench and just take this other moment in afterwards, when I felt the appreciation of not only being outside on a beautiful summer afternoon, however, I also had some fun company that continued to make me laugh and smile through the bubbly personality of this energetic pup.  As I headed home and drove down some hills after leaving my brother’s home, I got to a stop light where there is another park and I could hear the laughing of children as they played and chased each other in what looked like a sea cushion of wispy green grass, through the screeching of kids having a great time.  It was one more opportunity to witness life's simple pleasures as I paid no ticket entry for this type of amusement, because it all exists for free.  My final reflections as I made my way back to my house, were that although this appeared to be a typical day filled with boring things to do, in my world, it was filled with life energizing moments which I could have missed, if I wasn't paying attention.  So, the next time you go for a routine walk with the family pet, or get the chance to sit in a park, perhaps go to the beach or just take a moment at your own favorite spot, drink it all in!  Remember that life is filled with lots of little things like these, some would even say simple things, which when viewed through a different lens can add the right splash of energy and create memories in a perceived typical ordinary day.   

“I like simple things. Elastic waists, so I can eat.”

-Barbra Streisand

Table For One

I watched a news story a few weeks ago which captivated my attention regarding an elderly widow who would go to a favorite restaurant by herself.  Part of the story was how she felt connected to her deceased husband, by returning to some of their favorite places they would go and share time or a meal together at.  However, on one particular occasion when she showed up for dinner and was seated after asking for a table for one, she was observed by a group of young men nearby.  An interesting twist to this story was that it took place in the south, the elderly woman was white and the group of young men who were sitting near her happened to be black.  One of the young men in the group saw this lady sitting by herself and told his friends that he did not like to see people eat alone, as he felt everyone should have the opportunity to eat with others and make friendly conversation.  The three friends went to the lady's table and asked if they could sit with her and when she said yes, they proceeded to have a wonderful meal as they got to know each other in this unexpected manner.  At the end of the story, the young men stated that they felt a connection to her and as a result they became friends who regularly met for meals and to catch up with each other.  They also mentioned how they felt she was like a grandmother to them all and when they spoke to the lady at the end of the segment, she also indicated that she felt as if she was meant to meet these boys, whom she too considered to be more like her own grandchildren as well.  I always like to hear a good story about human connection and this was added to my list of favorites upon its conclusion.  It also made me wonder about the many people in this world who get to a point in their lives when they may be alone due to their age or perhaps no longer have an immediate family member or friend.  As I thought more about the story, I felt the question being posed at the end was would we be as gracious as the three young men when faced with a similar situation and be willing to do the same as they did?  For the most part, I think our world is spinning at such a rapid pace, that in many cases when we are at a public venue we almost don't look at each other in the eye, because we are so busy looking at our phones and fail to connect to others who could have had shared a moment with us, if we took the time.  This was also a reminder for me to be more observant of those around me and when presented with an opportunity, perhaps I should make the first move in greeting someone or even offering to sit with those who may be looking for some company.  I also have to say that I commend the mothers of those three young men, who raised their children in such a way that not only were they well mannered and respectful, they were also taught to look out for the elderly who perhaps need some assistance, even if it was to have a conversation so that they felt the universal love for one another.  As we arrive at this Mother's Day weekend, I celebrate the many wonderful mothers in this world who instilled in their children such moral values that will live on as part of their great legacy.  Cheers to all of the Mom's, Grandmom's and the Mom like figures which played a great part in making us who we are today! 🌹❤

Expectations

Today I am sharing a column that will be published next month.

Inventing Your Life

“Expectations”

By

Rob Claudio

I was watching an animated movie not too long ago about a bull named "Ferdinand" and was captivated by the heart felt story along with its beautiful images.  I laughed at many scenes, yet, most importantly was mesmerized by the core story of how this bull was criticized when he was young along with as an adult, for not wanting to behave like most bulls.  While his peers were captivated by the thought that they could face a matador and achieve glory in a bull ring, Ferdinand, was perfectly happy smelling the flowers as he preferred to take care of them with his nurturing and kind demeanor.  It is a great family film which I highly recommend and what prompted me to write about it was that I kept telling others what a good movie this was and someone finally told me that I should write about it in my blog.  Hence, here we are.  I love that the many morals to this story are such that there is a lesson for just about everyone in it.  The primary element of having a world which expects you to behave in a certain way because of the stereotypical views of others at large is primary.  When you think about the topic of bullying, no pun intended, we have seen tragic instances where very young people in real life were relentlessly tormented and the culmination of unfortunate and sad endings associated with some of those stories always breaks our heart.  Therefore, I wondered out loud if perhaps the examples of tales such as this one about this beautiful bull, could help change the world with a more positive voice for those that feel marginalized.  For kids or adults to finally come to the realization of what being unique and individualistic means along with a strong sense of self, is ideally what the rest of the world should see as part of our humanity's inclusion.  This is when others expectations can become overwhelming for some, who may not fit into what the world expects of them.  Most importantly, I believe that the world balances itself out by ensuring that a variety of people along with their different strengths exist, in order to show us that we need everyone to come together to help make us all better people.  Therefore, if we are to be the examples for the future of our world, then we should begin by acting in such a way that our future generations would feel proud of the work that we did during our lifetime.  As one celebrates the gifts and talents which our peers bring, we must also keep an eye out for those who may not be as strong as us, as we need to help them when needed to ensure that everyone feels a sense of belonging.  Whether it is the story of this bull or perhaps another narrative you know personally which can enable a child or an adult come to the realization that everyone belongs, is definitely more of what our world needs now.  Our future generations will hopefully be able to attest to the good that we were able to achieve via our own personal contributions, if we start by being better examples for others to follow now.

On a separate note, I have to say that I received the news that our long-time editor of our newsletter, Pat Thornton passed away, along with many of our members not too long ago.  As a result, this will be my first column since I began this journey of writing many years ago, where I was not reminded by Pat about my impending deadline or asking me if I have new ideas to share.  I too will miss Pat dearly as she was a dedicated member of our organization past and present, who sought the best for all of us, while keeping us accountable for our contributions along with service to others.  Ms. Pat, I hope that you are laughing joyfully while looking down on your family and friends as you ensure that others are also doing their part in the eternal organization which we will all be a part of some day.  Rest in peace, Go U.C. Berkeley Bears and God bless!!

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” 

― Donald Miller

Clarity Without Sight

I am sharing a copy of my latest blog column to be published next month.

Inventing Your Life

“Clarity Without Sight”

By

Rob Claudio

After the busy holiday season came to an end and the lights along with decorations were put away until the end of this year, I contemplated the possibilities in the new year ahead.  I am always hopeful that I can achieve more, as I balance this by also getting rid of things that do not serve me well any longer.  Usually, my year begins with immense gratitude that I got to live through another year, as I was able to see and celebrate last year's conclusion with family along with close friends.  At the end of my holiday vacation down time, I was also able to catch up on lots of recorded shows that I seem to not get to, until I find the extra time.  Among my finds was an episode on 60 Minutes, which highlighted the life of an architect in the Bay Area, who in his mid-life years lost his ability to see due to a removal of a tumor in his head.  He was married with a son and walked the reporter through his harrowing life changing event, as he was left to begin the most challenging part of his life without having his precious sight.  He mentioned how much he focused on his young son through this experience, as he wanted to be a great example to him in showing how one can overcome any type of adversity.  His focus on being the best example to his wife and son, cast the light away from his new blind condition as he set out a new course for living in a world that he was used to in a very different way.  Then after a thirty-day recovery from a surgery that took away his sight, he decided he needed to go back to work.  However, as an architect this would prove to be even more challenging as he needed to begin his career with the help of some role models, who had experience in transitioning to leading productive lives without seeing.  Upon receiving some needed assistance from those individuals, he went about finding his way back to architecture with a different twist.  He managed to figure out how to draw by using some malleable material that he could bend into shapes, which would take shape in the form of architecture drawings.  Amazingly enough his career brought him to become a new type of architect, with an added feature of making things more accessible for blind people.  Through his new invigorated work, he has been hired on many projects with world renowned companies, whom he has helped to be better modern workplaces along with aesthetic designs for people with sight and without.  At the conclusion of his interview they asked him if he were able to get his sight back would that change his architectural ability now and he responded emphatically that not having sight gave him the needed clarity to be a better architect.  I found his story along with his final answer to be so powerful and uplifting, when you consider how many of us with all our faculties may not be reaching our full potential, given that we may not suffer from many if any limitations.  His perspective on life, his love for his family and his determination to change for the better was the best ending to my recordings of last year, which I was so happy I did not get to until a quiet retrospective morning in twenty nineteen.  This story can help many of us remember that we can overlook our ability to do more and be better, by not taking things for granted.  How we react to circumstances and our resolve to rise above anything that may be perceived as a hurdle, may end up making us even better in our days to come.  Therefore, as you plan your year ahead, remember the lesson from the architect, who learned that clarity can come from not having eyesight and the world can be even brighter if you are determined to look at it that way.   

“If my ship sails from sight, it doesn't mean my journey ends, it simply means the river bends.” 

-Enoch Powell

Compassion for All

I am sharing a column that will be published next month.

“Compassion for All”

By

Rob Claudio

One of the things I enjoy doing as the weekend comes to an end is watching the CBS show Sunday Morning, after making a pot of coffee and reading the newspaper in-between. I enjoy watching this program because it always has a great mix of stories that are both informative and filled with positive pieces about what goes on in a good part of our world, which we aren’t shown every day.  It is my counter punch to the daily ongoing news that seems to come at us with lots of negativity along with doses of fear about many things.  Hence, I make it a point to balance all that appears wrong with much that can also be right.  On a recent episode, there was a great story about a young man on his way to work in the Midwest and inadvertently hit a squirrel that darted in front of his car.  Two policemen had their cameras on when they stopped to see the young man performing chest compression CPR.  Initially, the policemen couldn't see that it was an animal, as they thought it may be a child, until they walked up closer.  When the men saw that it was a squirrel, they figured that it was already dead.  The policemen became the narrators of the story as they were a witness to this incident happening on the ground.  As they kept rolling their tape after what appeared to be a failed valiant effort by this good Samaritan, the squirrel suddenly came back to life and jumped up as it ran over into a nearby tree, to the astonishment of the three men observing.  The savior of this squirrel was absolutely ecstatic, as the policemen stated that they have never seen anything like this.  When they further questioned the individual about why he decided to perform CPR, his response was that he had to do what was right, even if it was an animal that most people would not care too much about.  As the story closed, this individual who saved the day was identified as a local college student that wanted to study medicine in the future.  The final piece of the segment ended with everyone in agreement that he was going to be the best healer in the field of medicine, if this incident was any indication about his compassion for human life.  I absolutely loved this story and was so glad that it was captured on video, if only to memorialize what doing the right thing looks like through the efforts of a caring human being, especially when they thought nobody was looking.  To me, these stories also revitalize me in a way that so many of the other life draining dramas don't.  The other thing that this served as a reminder for, was that there are many more good narratives about good people that do not make the news.  I am positive that there are unsung heroes in many communities through-out the world that constantly do the right thing without an audience of any kind.  My faith in others that have such integrity is strong, although we may not hear about it daily.  I just know that they exist and as a result our world can be a better place for all of us.  It is my hope that many of you also look for those unique features of human kindness and compassion as often as you can, as I believe they will continue to fill your life with the good that we all could use more of. 

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
-Maya Angelou