Polished To Shine

A few days ago I was talking to someone about the household chores that we all have in common.  We also got on the subject of enjoying time off while although our intent is to relax and not have to worry about work for a period of time, we quickly end up getting caught up in the many things that are left to do around the house.  When we are busy during the weeks when work and other life schedules are filled to capacity, we lose sight of some of the specific cleaning duties that we normally don't have time for.  Among them may be; cleaning closets, oven cleaning, window washing, touch up painting or perhaps a longer term project that needs attention in your garden or yard.  The list can be quite substantial and when one is at home, the last thing you think about is how you will spend some newly earned extra time on yet more action items that you were trying to get away from.  I was thinking of all of these things as I was planning some time off from work and then I thought about one of the old household chores of years past when people used to polish their silver.  This was in the older days when people had fine cutlery which was made of actual silver and it periodically needed to be polished to shine and get rid of whatever tarnish may have accumulated.  I began to think about this as it relates to our own lives as many of us have accumulated our own version of tarnish which tends to hang onto us until we finally pay attention to getting rid of it.  For all of us those stains come in many different forms.  Some of us have to contend with build-up that can consist of bad habits, damaging experiences from childhood or resentfulness towards others from adult relationships that took the life out of you.  There are a multitude of things that we all have accrued over the years and for as many years as it took to gain that deficient inventory, it can take a considerable amount of time to get rid of all that one has been collected.  Therefore, I think of periods like vacations as one of those opportune times to work on polishing myself up, so that I acknowledge all of the things that I have acquired, that I know I can be better off without.  If you have gotten to a point in your life through out a busy year, where you feel a good amount of weight on your shoulders from the many things that you have compiled, then perhaps you need to choose a weekend if a vacation is not imminent, to do some polishing for yourself.  Make a list of things that you know you would like to address and perhaps finally put behind you, as you become more resolved in setting forth on correcting some of these items that you feel should be left in your past.  Many of us become collectors of prized poor habits, that we know serve us no positive purpose in our lives.  The key is to make sure that you begin to address them and it all begins with the acknowledgement first.  It is hard to get rid of things if one feels there is no issue or perhaps they have grown accustomed to that being part of your normal living.  Poor habits, unresolved feelings or a lifetime of resentment can weigh down the strongest individual.  It behooves us to live a more meaningful and well balanced life, that is exempt from those things that provide no value to us.  As you contemplate the end of the summer and the next long holiday weekend ahead, think about doing some holistic household chores that involves your own scouring of things that you finally need to do away with.  When you begin some of those planned tasks that need your undivided attention, include yourself on that important list of things to accomplish.  We need to strive to live a more balanced life and getting rid of things that make us feel uneven should be a priority.  Don't let then next period of rest for yourself slip you by, without paying attention to some needed personal polish.  Your home and your life will be at a much happier state, when you place the right amount of attention on those things that matter most.

Disconnections

The feeling of connecting to people that really get who you are can be quite validating, if given the opportunity to have that experience.  Most of us connect to our families and although they may get us or we them, we may not always have the best relationships with all of those individuals.  In life we also get the opportunity to choose people that become part of our family circle, unlike direct family members where we had no choice.  This opportunity provides us with some of our greatest relationships that we feel bonded to through-out our lifetimes and those people we usually call friends.  However, what happens when the connections are just not there and for whatever reason, there is a person that just brings out the most unflattering feelings about yourself?  We periodically get to run into this dilemma, which makes us take inventory of what we value most in ourselves and others.  For the most part, we have had those feelings when introduced to an individual either through a mutual friend, acquaintance or family, when we realize that we immediately lack a connection.  Sometimes we are left not knowing why this person made us feel this way, however, we usually are good about following our instincts and create a boundary or distance that would prevent us from any further deepened engagement.  When this has occurred in my life, I have learned that there is a lesson in that intuition that will either confirm an existing belief or provide me with an opportunity to experience something out of my comfort zone that I needed to learn.  Many of us have had those instances when we met someone and although we did not connect to the person, we saw some qualities that reminded us of why we stayed away from those type of people to begin with.  The lessons that people bring to us are quite varied and yet they are powerful junctures in our life that create an opportunity to change our mind about something or someone.  Other times this moment simply provides validation about what we want in our lives, while reaffirming the beliefs that we have in our personal inventories.  I also learned a long time ago to not take things personally, especially when a somebody projects a negative way of being towards me, as it simply shows that there are other deep rooted issues that are causing this to occur for that individual.  Many people act out against others and most would be quick to judge the person simply on the face value of what they see in those instances.  However, many people act out or have developed the shield of protection around them because of their life circumstances, that they feel that they must walk through life in a defensive state against others.  Perhaps those people where hurt on multiple occasions and have lost trust in others.  There are many reasons why people turn to a different way of interacting with people over time and I just know that if the interaction is coming from someone feeling negatively, then it is a manifestation of their issues and not mine.  When faced with these examples of disconnecting to others, remember that we are all different people and our variety as human beings can cause this potential to not always feel as closely linked as we would like to be.   The lack of connection to someone can be validating or simply be a lesson to be learned.  Acknowledge that there are differences in everyone and if your intuition tells you to keep a distance, then simply pay attention and act accordingly.

Bouncing Back

If you have ever fallen down, you know the feeling can be quite disorienting, especially when trying to prevent your body from hitting the ground as you try to find your balance.  For children it is a commonplace occurrence and many of us can take a cue from our young role models, when you see them take a stumble and they usually are pretty quick about dusting themselves off, as they quickly pick up their step to where they were headed.  I was thinking about how this happens metaphorically to us in our lives. Our ability to be resilient as a child and put a fall quickly behind us, is something that would be worthwhile in practicing now as adults. When we get to those particular periods, we realize that as much as we want to keep going strong there is a need for us to regroup, in order to regain our momentum and keep moving forward.  However, unlike children who take a fall adults tend to take longer in the process of regaining their footing.  Some of us tend to commiserate with others about why we have fallen and in some cases provide a lot more power and energy to our own predicament, as opposed to having conversations about how we will be moving beyond that current state.  Again, we should be mindful that the more we concentrate on why a fall has occurred, as opposed to shifting into “getting up” mode, determines how we proceed in regaining our balance. The other thing to keep in mind is to not lose sight of taking things in from a different point of view, when you happen to be down.  I read a story once about a person who had taken a literal fall in their garden and they commented about how they stayed on the ground for a few minutes, rather than getting up right away. Although the individual felt humorous about what just occurred to them, they realized that they had overlooked seeing new things growing in their prized garden. What was observed was that there were some new small flowers along with a variety of other different plants that had been growing and had been completely overlooked due to their small size along with location. Although the day had brought an unexpected occurrence in that fall to the ground, it also gave that person an opportunity to look at something in a new manner.  I found this story to have much relevance as a life lesson.  Remember that just because you happen to be momentarily down, that there is an opportunity to look at things from a different vantage point.  Perhaps in those periods is when you can also contemplate a varied approach to your own circumstance in your life.  I am a firm believer that all of the things that we go through can provide a lesson for us, as well as, for others to learn from.  The ability to bounce back from any stumble is filled with possibilities that can make us even stronger and more capable if we are open to receiving what we learned in the lesson.  Use your ability to view things from a different perspective as you make plans for a stronger and more resilient you in the future.  Also note that a life falter can be used as a catalyst to bring better or more positive changes to the life that you aspire to have, by keeping the right perspective.        

Challenging Seasons

The weather these days reminds me that nature is going through its natural cycles of bringing the world its varied seasons as we in the Northern Hemisphere tangle with summer, while our Southern Hemisphere counterparts are contending with cozy winter weather.  When you think about how we can be simultaneously opposite in experiencing life via these changing intervals, one can either enjoy the period that they are in or look forward to the pending transition in the coming months.  As I thought about this further, I was reminded about how we go through our own seasons where at times they can be filled with turmoil that can make us lose our self confidence in that everything will be alright.  We have all contended with illness, losing a loved one or other type of issue that caused us a heavy heart at some point in our lives.  During those instances one can feel somewhat alone and disconnected to the rest of the world.  However, as human beings we can all connect to each other when these types of occurrences materialize in our life.  This is one of the binding qualities of our humanity, in that we all feel the same emotions as others.  Whenever something occurs in my life, age has taught me that many others have gone through what I have encountered or even to a more severe degree.  I have learned that an expedient way to overcome this is to take myself out of the equation of feeling sorry and turning that emotion into something more positive, by aiding someone else in their time of need.  One does not have to look too far to realize that others have far more deeper issues in life to contend with.  This also why I find the state of being grateful to be of an ongoing perpetual emotion for me.  No matter what the day brings in my own life, I know that others may be climbing a mountain where the summit is far beyond what their eyes can see.  When we live long enough to see the many changing seasons in our own life, we can look forward to the wisdom that comes with all of those passing cycles.  Interestingly, I find that the storms that used to shake my foundation to its core, are no longer as powerful as I felt them when I was younger.  I stopped giving permission to that influence that caused fear or other destructive thinking.  I now know that I can determine how I can walk through a storm and I am fully aware that regardless of the issue, I am constantly grateful for everything that is part of my life.  The next time you feel that you are out in the middle of a deep ocean like an isolated ship in a whirlwind of stormy weather, keep in mind that nothing lasts forever.  Be cognizant that others are facing even stronger hurdles than yourself and change the momentum of those ill feelings by coming to someone else's aid in their time of need.  When we allow ourselves to not be the center of our own attention, we can then allow for the much needed developments to occur around us.  Seasons come and go, with each one of them bringing their own unique weather patterns that may have a lasting impact on our lives.  Remember to look beyond what is in front of you and with a grateful heart, as you look forward to the clearing new period up ahead.        

Believing With Your Heart

I noticed a sign yesterday morning with some powerful words that read, "believe with your heart".  It made me think about the many instances in which we allow ourselves to proceed with a particular task that we know is innately close to us and we know that deep down in our heart it is something that we want to do.  When our inner soul speaks to us with a particular message, we normally hear something that we know is rightfully truthful to ourselves.  Many of the worlds greatest leaders and change makers had this quality, that became the compass which led them on their journey.  Change can be difficult for an individual, however, when you think about changing the world, most would say that this could be an insurmountable task.  Yet, we have plenty of examples of people through out time that took on this challenge which became part of history.  As I thought about all of this, I too was thinking that all of these people that helped change the world, had this core belief in their heart that what they were doing was not only the right thing to do, it was part of the reason of why they were in this world to begin with.  There are plenty of books that speak to the issue of defining your life's purpose, as it can be a challenge of a lifetime for many.  However, what it may all come down to is the belief in someone's heart that created the circumstance for which they decided to transform not only themselves, but the world around them as well.  Fulfilling your life's purpose can be disorienting at times.  We all have instances where we have some type of doubt about ourselves or our circumstances that make us question where we are and at times more directly, who have we become.  Validation for our accomplishments can sometimes arrive via others who tell you that you are doing a great job.  I particularly like the moments where someone tells me that they connected to something I said or wrote.  It is in those moments that I feel that I am doing what I am supposed to, which then provides me that peace of mind about where I am headed.  Remember to listen to what your inner voice tells you during those quiet moments when you are still and give yourself permission to follow what that guiding presence is telling you to do.  Also, don't forget to look for those validating moments when someone or something occurs that demonstrate to you that you are in fact where you are supposed to be.  Having strong beliefs is one thing, however, one should not forget that following the strong beliefs in your heart are also part of your purpose for being here.    

Life's Toolbox

When we are young we are taught many lessons by those who raise us.  Most of  what we learn becomes our foundation of tools that we will use at one point or another throughout our lifetime.  As young children we are all sponges when it comes to absorbing all that is new and emulating those who were our role models, which primarily were our parents and immediate family.  Many of us were taught great qualities such as; kindness, compassion and honesty along with hard work and determination.  We were given lots of tools that became part of our life's toolbox which defined who we grew up to be as adults.  How we were provided each of these things was usually through a lesson that may have been intentional or not, however, the outcome always had a moral to the story.  As time went by, our sphere of influence shifted from the family to friends or other outside entities that we might have felt a strong connection to.  Those outside forces either helped reinforce what was taught to us by our first teachers or sometimes they provided us with alternative ways of doing things that were not necessarily what was right.  I remember a great lesson that came via the honesty tool, when my older neighbor who I thought was really cool and I wanted to be like, took me to the local Boys and Girls Club one afternoon after school.  My grandmother at the time was helping raise me and although she did not think it was a good idea to let me go across town with the neighbor, I promised to be back at home at a specific time.  Time for a young kid is not necessarily precise and especially if you are out having fun, everything seems to go by in an instant.  I ended up staying well past my intended time and since these were the days before cell phones, my grandmother had no way of contacting me until I got home.  I can recall the feeling of having fun quickly shifting as I turned the last corner before I got to my house.  All of sudden, I wanted to come up with all of these great excuses which all lacked any bit of honesty.  When we finally arrived at home my neighbor waved goodbye as he made his way up to his house and then I looked at the door towards my house, where I saw my grandmother standing outside.  I could see that there was relief and also disappointment in her eyes and all of the potential excuses or lies that I had thought of in my head came to a screeching halt.  I knew then and there that I could not handle the look of disappointing my grandmother or anyone else for that matter and after I walked in the house with her, I knew that this lesson would forever remain in my toolbox.  Usually the longer you live, the bigger the toolbox and it is interesting to look back at how we obtained some of these fine tuned instruments via our life lessons.  As you think about your intended future, think about what you have accumulated in your lifetime and how you can expand and share these great tools with others.  Whether it is speaking to a small child or a new acquaintance, I challenge you to continue to tell your stories of how you acquired your toolbox.  You will be pleasantly surprised to reminisce about what you have accomplished and the many lessons it took for you get to your current state in life.      

Marching To Your Own Beat

I was stuck in traffic yesterday heading home from the beach and for a period of time there was a car in front of me with the license plate that indicated that they marched to the beat of their own drum.  I read it repeatedly over the course of our slow journey up the highway and it caused me to think about what that could mean to myself and others.  I first thought about the fact that one can opt to be a complete individual and not be part of the same crowd.  It got me thinking to when I was growing up in school, in particular junior and high school years.  If you were not a very popular kid, chances are that those years were filled with lots of memories of trying to fit in.  I had that great experience myself as I can easily recall the feeling of being out of place and not part of the cool crowd.   I did not realize it until much later in my college years where I believe I flourished, that the majority of people felt  the same way about their high school years.  Those  challenging years taught me a lot about who I wanted to be and which attributes I wanted for myself, while determining which one's I would never want to replicate.  You can say that I marched to the beat of my own drum back then, however, my younger self would have not been able to figure this out for quite some time.  Conversely, I loved my college years, in that I was introduced to a myriad of people that really marched to their own music and they showed me that this was completely normal.  Coming from a small town with little exposure to many different cultures, it was a wonderful experience for me to realize that there were so many different types of people that came from such varied walks of life. They all had different styles and nobody was really trying to imitate anyone else.  This was a revelation to me, as for the prior many years I was part of a culture where fitting in and looking like the mainstream was the optimal goal.  As much as I enjoy thinking about those periods of time in my life, I am forever grateful for all of those experiences as they made me who I am today.  The license plate yesterday was a great reminder about how we should embrace everyone who is different from us.  The music that we hear in our ears is composed of the different notes that speak to each and everyone of us, in their own unique way.  The next time you think about your life and what would be trendy to buy, think about being different and standing out based upon your own style and convictions.  In your own life, look for the many ways in which your unique attributes create and transform how you are living the rest of your life. Remember that walking to the beat of your own drum, means that you are confident in who you are and where you are going.  Whether the world agrees with you or not should never be your issue, it will be simply theirs.