Today I am revisiting a previously published column.

Inventing Your Life

“Putting Yourself First”

By

Rob Claudio

The last edition of my column, I published an article on giving yourself permission to change and I received a number of follow up comments from readers.  I saw some of the comments that I received and I noticed the thread of self esteem as a major issue that may prevent people from taking those steps needed in bringing change to their lives.  So, I decided that one of the follow up conversations I would have in this column, was on the basic and yet difficult issue of putting yourself first.  How many of you have thought about this and due to one reason or another, you ended up being 3^rd or 4^th or last on the list of your priorities?  As difficult as this may be for a lot of you, it is one of the keys to unlocking your personal success on your way to life long change.  First lets address the self esteem thread in the responses that I kept getting.  Having good self esteem if it was not nurtured in you from the very beginning as a child, is a life long lesson for most of us. I grew up with self esteem issues  and some were passed on to me as well.  It took some time, but I realized as an adult that some of those issues belonged to someone else and not me. I needed to make a choice as an adult that I could embrace the attributes that I had and begin to add others as I went forward. There are many things that can cause a lack of this, however, it is a must for people to recognize they have self worth and that although you may not have had the best beginning in life, you certainly are in charge of how you handle what happens to you now. You cannot blame someone else for what you think you were supposed to be, rather take the best of what was given to you and keep adding to your personal growth. Acknowledging those things that may not be big to others, but are significant to you is where it begins.  Build upon those qualities that other people admire, you do have them, just ask your best friend (s) or someone that you trust.  These are the building blocks of good self esteem.  Remember you have to be your own nurturer on this journey and you have to surround yourself with people that add value to you and not take away from who you really are.  Being around people that constantly put you down or have negative comments about what you look like or what you do, is a reflection of their own insecurities and not yours.  I hope you get this.  I have been around some of those folks through out my lifetime and I made up my mind to leave them behind and let them wallow in their own world of negativity and I screened them out of my life for my own good. Those are some of the difficult choices that you have to make as you begin to change from the inside out. As a result, my circle of friends became smaller, however, it is filled with only those people that add value to me and I in turn do my best to add to theirs.  I like to think of it as my quality circle not the quantity circle. It takes time, however, not as long as you may think.  Now for the part of not putting yourself first, all you have to do is run into the challenge of not having good health or some other life changing issue that makes you realize that you must be first or nothing else can be built on that personal platform.  I know some of you may have children, spouses or other family members that all require something of you.  Yet, it is key to understand that you will run out of energy, personal desire and self fulfillment if you put everyone else ahead of you. Let me be clear, I am not suggesting that you become selfish for the purposes of driving people away from you. It is simply putting the right priorities in place. Remember YOU are important and if somebody did not tell you this over your life time, let me remind that you were created for a purpose and that you add so much to this world by being the unique and quirky you…. I definitely believe that we are all quirky…that is what makes us unique and great in the universe.  Finally, remember to nourish your soul and spirit by surrounding yourself with things that are good for you  & bring you joy, as a result you will be able to do more for your loved ones because it begins with you first! 

“Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow”
- Doug Firebaugh