Trips Around The Sun

This year has been another filled with firsts for me and our family.

Not long ago, I had the privilege of celebrating my 60th birthday surrounded by many of the people I love. Shortly afterward, our family gathered again to celebrate the first birthday of my newest nephew. As I reflected on the "trips around the sun" that each of us is blessed to take—as long as God continues to grant us life—it made me smile and wonder how sixty trips compare to just one.

At my age, I have a lifetime of precious memories to look back on. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of riding bikes outdoors, hiking along irrigation canals, and gathering with my large extended family. Thanks to having so many cousins nearby, birthdays, holidays, and family celebrations seemed to happen all the time. Looking back, I realize those ordinary moments became extraordinary memories.

Between those two birthday celebrations, however, our family also experienced sorrow. We said goodbye to one of my cousins after a courageous battle with cancer. The juxtaposition of celebrating life one day while praying that someone survives a catastrophic illness the next is a powerful reminder of how quickly our lives can change. Joy and grief often walk side by side.

I am deeply grateful for the years I have been given. Many dear friends and family members never received the gift of growing old. While preparing for my own birthday celebration, I gathered photographs of loved ones who are no longer with us. Looking through those pictures didn't make me sad as much as it made me grateful. What an incredible blessing it was to have shared a portion of life's journey with each of them. They filled my life with love, laughter, wisdom, and unforgettable memories.

Then I thought about my youngest nephew. The reality is that I will most likely not be here to see him celebrate his 60th birthday. Yet I hope he is blessed with a long, healthy, and joyful life, surrounded by family who continue to love and encourage him. I hope he has the opportunity to make countless wonderful memories during his own trips around the sun.

During the celebration of my birthday, my mother shared a simple but profound truth. She reminded everyone that one day we are here, and the next day we may not be. I couldn't agree more and those words have stayed with me.

This morning, while swimming laps at the pool, I witnessed another reminder of what truly matters. As I was finishing my workout, a young father arrived with his two little boys. They carried pool toys, laughed without restraint, and eagerly took turns jumping into their dad's waiting arms. Each time they dove into the water, he cheered enthusiastically, hugged them tightly, and kissed their wet cheeks with the kind of affection only a loving parent can give.

It was a beautiful moment.

As I walked home afterward, I couldn't help but think about the memories those two boys were creating. Years from now, I hope they remember not just the pool or the diving, but the joy of spending time with their father—the laughter they shared, the encouragement he gave them, and the feeling of being loved without condition. Sometimes our most treasured memories come from life's simplest moments.

I silently wished that family God's blessings as I continued home. Once again, my thoughts returned to the many trips around the sun that await those two boys and their dad.

For those who lost a parent, spouse, sibling, or another beloved family member far too soon, my heart aches for you. I am truly sorry that precious time—and the memories that might have been—were taken from you too early.

Several months ago, at a high school reunion celebrating our 60th birthdays, I reconnected with a classmate I hadn't spoken with in more than forty years. As we caught up, she shared that she had been widowed several years earlier. I offered my heartfelt condolences, and after thanking me, she said something I have never forgotten.

She told me that she and her husband had shared more than twenty wonderful years together, and that those years gave them their only son. Then she smiled gently and said, "Some people never get twenty years of joy and happiness. I'm thankful for every one of ours."

Her perspective was both heartbreaking and inspiring. Instead of dwelling on what she had lost, she chose to be grateful for what she had been given.

Perhaps that's the lesson these trips around the sun are meant to teach us.

Every birthday is more than another candle on a cake. It is another year of relationships, memories, lessons, laughter, tears, forgiveness, hope, and love. It is another opportunity to leave the world just a little better than we found it.

So the next time you celebrate your own birthday—or someone else's—pause for a moment. Remember what a remarkable blessing it is to be given another trip around the sun. Never take those journeys for granted, because one day each of our trips will come to an end.

When that day arrives, my hope is that we won't measure our lives simply by the number of years we were given, but by the love we shared, the kindness we extended, the faith we lived, and the memories we created along the way.

After all, it isn't the number of trips around the sun that matters most.

It's what we do with each one.

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon

Reluctant Heroes

Some heroes never set out to be heroes. They don’t chase recognition. They don’t seek the spotlight. In many cases, they would rather live quiet, ordinary lives—until the moment comes when they are called to do something extraordinary.

Several weeks ago, I went to the movies to see Project Hail Mary. When it ended, I kept thinking about the main protagonist—a brilliant scientist who had been relegated to teaching after losing his position in the field. Despite being far more capable than the job required, he had settled into a simpler life.

That is, until the world came calling.

Reluctantly, he stepped forward and found himself on a mission to help save humanity. While the film explores many complex themes, what stayed with me most was this idea of the reluctant hero—someone who doesn’t seek greatness, but chooses responsibility when it finds them.

History is filled with people like this.

Some of the most influential individuals didn’t act out of ego, but out of conviction. Saints who gave their lives for their faith without knowing the cost when they began. Artists who poured their souls into their work, never living to see it recognized. Individuals who created, served, and sacrificed—not for reward, but because something within them compelled them to do so.

What they all share is a deep sense of purpose.

Doing what you love has always been a goal for many, but the real gift is finding something so meaningful that it no longer feels like work. When I speak with younger people and the conversation turns to college or career choices, I always offer the same advice: choose what genuinely excites you. Don’t let money be your primary guide.

Passion is the better compass.

I learned that lesson the hard way. When I went away to college, I chose computer science without fully understanding what it required. I quickly realized it was deeply rooted in mathematics—something that had never been my strength. I remember sitting in the back of my first class thinking, What was I thinking?

That moment forced me to confront an important truth: choosing a path without passion leads to frustration, but following what brings you alive leads to fulfillment.

Being a reluctant hero in your own life doesn’t always feel heroic. Sometimes it looks like persistence when others doubt you. Sometimes it feels like quiet determination when no one else understands your path. And sometimes, it means standing firm in what you believe, even when it would be easier to walk away.

I’ve experienced that myself.

There were voices that questioned my direction, moments when doubt crept in, and times when it would have been easier to settle. But deep down, I knew I had to keep going—not to prove others wrong, but to prove to myself that I was capable of more.

So as you move through life’s peaks and valleys, don’t lose sight of what drives you. Pay attention to the things that spark your curiosity, that give you energy, that make you feel fully alive.

Because those are not accidents.

They are clues.

And one day, whether you expect it or not, you may find yourself standing at a crossroads—faced with a choice to step forward, to take a risk, to answer a call you didn’t ask for.

When that moment comes, don’t turn away.

You don’t need to feel ready. You don’t need to feel fearless. You just need to be willing.

Because the truth is, the world is not changed by those who seek greatness—

but by those who choose to rise when greatness is asked of them.

And that opportunity exists for all of us.

Even the reluctant ones.

"You don’t have to seek greatness—only the courage to answer when it calls." 

Looking Around The Corner

As we begin the month of March, many events that have taken place since the start of the year have filled my calendar with upcoming plans. There was a baptism for my newest nephew that celebrated a sacrament and brought our immediate family and friends together for a joyous celebration. There are also planned trips with family in the months ahead, including another cruise this time to Belize, Honduras, and Cozumel. Thinking about all of this made me realize how much lies ahead of us. Although we all may encounter challenging times in life, what remains most important is the attitude we choose to embrace along the way. Several weeks ago, a dear friend of mine informed me that he had been diagnosed with stage one melanoma cancer. Although it was caught early, it still meant that he would have to lose a toe in order to prevent the disease from spreading throughout his body. It was jarring and shocking to receive that text, and immediately I went into prayer mode for my friend and his family. What I did not expect, however, was a late-evening message from him joking that his truck would now technically be considered a “toe truck.” Although it made me laugh, what it really did was cause me to reflect on the attitude he has in facing this challenge head-on. There are countless examples of famous individuals whose human struggles have been well documented. Yet in many of those instances, it is their attitude in the face of adversity that ultimately becomes part of their legacy for the rest of us to follow.

I also recall Saint Mother Teresa, who led a life of service to the poorest and most vulnerable people, predominantly in India. She also traveled throughout the world, visiting many other countries where she focused on those same populations in order to bring light and attention to people in need. I remember watching a film about her life story, and although she appeared to be filled with God's spirit and fully committed to the work she felt called to do, she often questioned where God was amid the devastating poverty, hunger, and illness she witnessed daily. She became a powerful example of how we can all connect with the vulnerable part of ourselves while we wait for answers to some of life’s toughest challenges. If you go to any hospital and look at the intensive care units, you will see many people facing the reality of not knowing if they will be here tomorrow because of the catastrophic illnesses they are battling. When I accompanied my own mother to many doctor appointments during her battle with stage one kidney cancer a few years ago, I saw many of these faces—people in pain, waiting to see a specialist who might be able to provide hope.

When we think about what lies ahead in our lives, although we may look forward to joyful milestones, we can also encounter unexpected circumstances that we had never planned for. Similar to the many examples of resilience that arise from tragic situations, we must remember to remain thankful for the blessings that still exist in our lives, even when something has shaken us. If you are able to walk up or down stairs, remember that many people with mobility issues must adjust their lives because they cannot easily do so. The same is true for people with impaired sight, hearing, or other senses that many of us often take for granted. As we move toward the next chapter of our lives and the events that lie on our horizon, always remember that we have so much to be grateful for. And when you are able, please help someone who may be in need of your time, your resources, or your talents. You will never regret having done so, and you will sleep well at night knowing that you were able to make a difference in someone’s moment of need.

A Year to Contemplate

With the month of January already in full force and almost through it, I did think about how how the New Year can create possibilities that can be fruitful and take us to a new level of being. When I think back to the year that just ended, it was full of firsts for me. It was the year I decided to retire from work as a public servant of the State of California after more than 34 years. That decision did not come lightly, as I contemplated it for over a year before and with the stillness in the night, I kept listening to the whispers from God that kept nudging me to move forward with that decision. It was also a year that marked the loss of my beloved Siamese cat Diego, whom I had for over 18 years and if anyone has had pets in their lives, we all know how much they become part of our family that we sometimes take for granted that they will always be there with us. Diego got me through many tough days and nights, including the Pandemic which I became severly ill with at the beginning of 2021. When I think back to those days of feeling horribly ill with so many different symptoms that went on for almost 2 solid weeks, it was also a moment of enlightenment for me. During the many difficult nights of trying to sleep with many symptoms, Diego sat curled up next to me, never once fearing that he may have gotten infected with the disease. It was during this period of time that I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time (because I lost my sense of smell and taste) and it opened my eyes to the fact that while I was severely overweight at the time, I needed to use this jump start to start living a healthier lifestyle. I ended up getting gastric bypass surgery almost 8 months after getting ill and went through many nutrition classes to help prepare me for that journey.  Thankfully, all went well and since then I did lose another person that was attached to my body it seems like, while finding joy in a new exercise which I absolutely love these days and that is lap swimming.  Over 5 years later, I am still working on better health and continue swimming almost everyday. It became my therapy along with exercise and I have never felt better in my adult years. I thought about all of these changes as I began writing this column and along with other new beginnings that occured this past year, was the adoption of my French Bulldog, Jack Ryan. He came into my life almost a month before I retired when a dear friend sent me a picture of him along with a short story of how his owner had to move out of state and could not take her dog to the new location. I met him on the 4th of July and he came home with me that same day, much to my surprise. He has certainly added a new dimension to my new life as a retiree, while giving me extra exercise everyday with all of the added walking that we now do.  Hence, looking back at the not too distant past while contemplating the brand new year ahead, has definitely given me much perspective about how quickly our lives can change in a short period of time. As I plan for what is to come in this new period ahead, I am also looking forward to turning 60 years old come June, God willing. My friends and I are planning a combined 60th destination birthday weekend which I am sure will be filled with lots of laughs and hopefully many new memories to make among them. As you think about what just transpired over the last year in your life and contemplate what is yet to come, I hope you do all of this with much gratitude that you were able to live as long as you have as well. I know many people within my own circle of friends and family who lost loved ones at a young age and are no longer among us. Remember that we are not guaranteed any days ahead, therefore we must live our best lives while we are still walking on this earth.  In the process, I hope you set some time for yourself to attain peace of mind and share some of your gifts with others as part of the legacy that you will leave behind when that time comes.  Until then, I wish all of you much prosperity, health, joy and laughter as you carve out new memories while remembering all of the great things that have been part of your life thus far.  

Happiness is Your Responsibility

I have seen the happiness topic over and over again when reading about self fulfilment and how to achieve that state of mind. In many versions of what I have seen and read, it comes down to the fact that the responsibility for finding happiness cannot be found in someone or something else. Although, somebody else can add to your happiness factor and enhance it to a great degree, at the end of the day one must find this sometimes-elusive achievement strictly for themselves. Many have attempted to find happiness via a variety of things that are part of our everyday world. One can seek to find it in material things, some of which may be personal wealth, along with purchasing items such as cars or homes or spending money on vacations. There is also the attempting to find happiness by seeking someone else to help satisfy this in you. Remember that when one places a job like this on someone else to fulfill you, it is a responsibility that the other person may not be fully aware of and therefore unable to attain it for you. When I think about my younger self, I certainly had my share of time thinking that material things were always going to allow me to have happiness. However, what it created was a sense of competition among others, as I sought to keep up with my peers on how much I could accumulate as part of this empty search.  I recall going to expensive department stores and buying the latest most expensive jeans, flashy designer shirt or some brand name shoes that everyone seemed to be wearing. What I would end up with was some material items that were only worn a few times before they lost their great appeal. I also accumulated credit card debt that lasted much longer than the items I had purchased.  When I see young adults around me today, I still see much of that younger me in them. Except, technology has dramatically changed since I was young and having the latest ear pods, iPhone, iPad or some other gaming device that is part of today's youth is very much part of their world. The other thing I see vastly different, is that their parents are purchasing these items for them without a second thought. I grew up with much more financial apprehensions, as we did not have a lot of extra money to go around for purchases outside of the traditional food and shelter items. I would have never thought of asking my parents for money as an option to buy something just for me. My saving grace in that department was my grandmother and although she did not have a lot of extra money herself, she always found something in her purse that she could scramble up if I really wanted it. For the most part, my guilty purchases were for records that I would buy at the local music store, forty fives to be exact as they were cheaper than an album. Among my happier and vivid memories of my grandmother buying something for me, was related to her taking me out to a cafe or a restaurant and purchasing lunch for both of us. I was a happy camper with a hamburger, a bag of Lays potato chips with a Coke. I am sure many of you can relate to those simple things that brought you true happiness in your youth as well. At the end of the day, it is always the modest things that brought us true joy.  Hence, if you are seeking to find love perhaps to help fulfill that void that you may have, think again about the true cost of such an endeavor. Other people can help enrich our lives, however, leaving that type of responsibility in someone else's hands is a recipe that you may want to revisit and rewrite before attempting to go down that road. Seek for ways to find peace of mind, a harmonious environment, laughter and most of all, contentment within yourself. Also, don't forget about the art of connecting to others in person, while having a meaningful conversation or even better, a good belly laugh will always be much more valued for everyone involved, as it may resonate with your happiness factor.  Again, take ownership of your own personal journey down this road and if you get to share some of your joy with others as part of your voyage on this earth then I would say you  are well on your way to your desired destination.  

New Blooms, New Season

As we just concluded this year's end of summer and fall is slowly trying to make its presence known, it made me think about how different our end of summers are now compared to when I was a child. I vividly recall that end of summer when I was young, meant the dreaded return to school after the Labor Day holiday and with that, came shopping with my Mom for the new clothes that were needed as we began the schoolyear. That also came with its own anxiety, as that meant that we would be having a new teacher and new kids in the classroom that were not necessarily the ones that were our close friends. For me, it was that whole thing of trying to fit in with this new group of kids and having that feeling that perhaps I wasn't fitting in, while others acclimated very well in complete contrast. The one positive thing that I also remember about September was that while our favorite television shows were on hiatus in the summer months, they were set to return as the beginning of fall was approaching. With that, I also had this separate joy in knowing that a new season of cartoons would be coming and they would have previews of what to expect. All of that was very exciting for me, as I grew up a latch key kid, as my parents worked long hours and although I spent most of the time with my grandmother, she worked nights and I would have to stay by myself watching television as I waited for her to get home.  Fast forward to today and again things are so much more different for the young kids around me. I noticed that schools began their new terms some in mid August and there is no new slate of television shows waiting for anyone, as most people are utilizing their streaming devices and can download pretty much anything they want at any given time.  In a way, I feel a bit sad for the children of today as their world is much more calculated and less spontaneous than mine was during the same time period.  I have nephews that play football in school and their end of their summer was uprooted by the return to practice football games and getting back in shape for their new season.  The other thing that I do appreciate about the end of summer, is the return to NFL football and although I enjoy watching many sports, I must say the football is my favorite along with this changing time of year. As we quickly move forward through the remainder of this month, I hope many of you reflect on how your new season ahead will transpire as we begin this time period. It is another perfect opportunity to think about what other changes can be in store for you as part of the new seasonality. Like the changing seasons that our plants, trees and flowers outside await in aniticipation for with new blossoms coming, we too can seek what other things we may want to have bloom in our lives as we continue to await the changing colors of the leaves outside. I too look forward to a chilly morning outside that is crisp, as the cool morning air greets us when we step outdoors. With that, perhaps we too can change our proverbial color, into a new hue that we have been waiting to try out as a result. Cheers to another fruitful summer gone by and I will raise a glass to the season that awaits ahead with a big smile and wonder what else will be in store for me in this new phase that I will welcome with open arms.    

Turning the Page

I recently concluded a career after over 34 years and although I keep getting asked what does it feel like, I am still feeling my way through many things. The conclusion was taxing in that my schedule became very full towards the end, as many folks sought to have one last meeting with me before I checked out. Each of those meetings were also filled with a different emotion for me, as I tried to be as calculated as possible in what I would say and which words I hoped would stay behind with those that would be continuing with their work journeys.  Although I kept looking forward, I was definitely caught up in the many moments in which I would reflect during a pause of a meeting and mentally walked through the thought that this would be my last meeting with this person or entity.  After finishing a long last day of work, I recall coming home feeling mentally exhausted, as I had no more energy left in me for that day. It didn't help that I had just adopted a French Bulldog who now goes by the name of Jack Ryan and upon my daily returns home, we were in training with each other as we made our way through new bonding of a family pet and its new owner. Jack Ryan was definitely a blessing, without me initially not realizing it. He made me concentrate on something other than work and the finishing of a beloved career, while making me laugh with his tricks and playful antics as we acclimated to early morning walks with just the two of us. These walks have become therapeutic as I continue to contemplate this new chapter that is unfolding in front of me.  My days seem to be filled with lots of appointments that I had pushed to the side previously and among my new focus, is to spend more on my own personal self care that I would have easily pushed to the side previously due to work priorities.  For those of you who may be at the beginning of a new chapter or perhaps this resonates with a prior experience of a new beginning, I am sure you can all relate to being excited and a bit apprehensive all at the same time. The good part about my new beginning was that I had plenty of examples of people that went before me and I learned something from each of them about how not to wait until you were much older to begin the retirement chapter. I have been decompressing for the last several weeks and it has been a good opportunity to pause and think about what other new ventures I want to take on, at my own leisure of time.  Although I do have some travel plans, I also am joining new organizations as a board member, where I hope to lend some of my knowledge, skill and experience to an entity that welcomes new ideas as well. When I started this blog, I meant what I said then as I do now, the opportunity to change is a daily decision and I hope everyone chooses wisely.  You don't have to wait to begin a new chapter of anything, as it all comes down to your own desire to do something new and feeling passionate about how you want to use your talents in a different capacity.  I encourage all of you to think about those things that you have been putting off for a future date and consider adding some timelines to get to the answer of when would it be a good time?  Also, remember that when you have quiet down time and you begin hearing what I call "whispers from God", is the time to contemplate what will be your next step.  If there is something burning inside of you that is waking you up at 3am or some other odd time that deserves your undivided attention, please take notice and give it the time it merits.  Consider how far you have been on your current journey and where is it that you really want to go that doesn't feel like work. That feeling of wanting to do something that doesn't feel like work is called passion and everyone has it inside of them. I hope you listen to those whispers when they come and that you begin putting action behind those thoughts, as you prepare for your next chapter. I also wish for you to embrace the change that comes with all of this, as you set sail for the journey that now awaits as you decide to turn your own page. 

What We Deserve

I was watching a movie that I had not seen in a few years and as I remembered some of the scenes that were playing out, I had to stop after hearing a line from one of the characters that I couldn’t recall. The person stated, “we accept the love we think we deserve”. This made me pause as I reflected for several minutes about what they were saying. It was a teacher speaking to a student and he went on to explain further. To him it meant that people tend to end up in relationships where they are treated as well or as poorly as they believe they merit. If someone thinks they are undeserving of real love and affection, they may accept a toxic or abusive partner instead. The quote suggests we must believe we deserve goodness before we can have it. This was quite deep and yet, as I thought about the first time I possibly heard about love, as a very young person I did not have any sense of fully describing what that meant to me. That is because there are no biases or other learned behavior due to having that pure innocence that slowly starts peeling away from us in layers as we get older. It further made me think about the things that we believe we deserve beyond the feeling of love, affection or other emotional connections. How often do we ask ourselves about what we deserve and then follow it up with why haven’t we received that yet?  I suspect that as an adult with lots of learned behavior which comes through life’s experiences, we get to these instances where we take inventory of what we have achieved and look at what other things we believe we still can add to our list of accomplishments. Having self-awareness of oneself is quite helpful to quickly assess what are our attributes that can still help us achieve our next conquest. In addition, we can also look at any of our areas of improvement that may still need some work to help add more polish to us. Whether you aspire to obtain a new job, seek to finally lose the weight you have spoken about or perhaps want to achieve a different level of financial freedom, there is always some work to be done in order to accomplish any of it. Also, if you grew up without a lot of reinforcement about your self-esteem, self-worth or lacked nurturing, take the time to unpack some of this if it still exists within you. What I have learned throughout my life, is that there are multitudes of stories that I have been a witness to, where some folks had to grow up more quickly than others. Due to the home circumstances that were not ideal for some growing children, this could definitely have created some lack of self-esteem as part of that effect. Therefore, the beginning was lacking of many things including loving support for some. When we get to adulthood is where we finally get to choose how we are going to live the next part of our life, while we can also decide to let go of some of that baggage that doesn’t serve a positive purpose. Most of what I have witnessed, was people choosing to live as survivors and not victims of any of what they encountered as children. The great part about making decisions as an adult, is that you do not have to repeat what you experienced as a young person, especially if it was a negative incident. Choosing to live out the rest of your life with a new perspective, filled with positive plans on your next potential achievements breathes new life into us and gives us a new meaningful purpose as we set afoot on these new ventures that now await us. I hope that you all feel that you deserve better and that you continue to work towards achieving your next goal whatever that may be. In doing so, remember to share your experiences with others so that we can help our counterparts grow via what we have already experienced and hopefully, we also can prevent others from making any decisions that may have negative consequences as well, by utilizing us as living examples. 

“Having patience always gives you what you deserve.”

― Fatma Alfalasi

Milestone Moments

When you think about the many different chapters in our lives, one can quickly reminisce about those that brought us much joy and how for a period of time, we did not want to turn the page and close that chapter. Those instances that were filled with much growth, happiness and fulfillment live on with us well after that segment closed and we hope to revisit another one similar to that in the future. The joyful milestone moments that were created, provided us with many smiles that can quickly take us back to that euphoric feeling where we radiated in that light which felt positive and full of energy. When I recall those joyful periods, they were filled with new beginnings, perhaps a new birth of a baby or the formation of a new relationship that added considerable value to us. I recall the feeling when I graduated from high school and knowing I had been accepted to a college in the fall, which provided me with so many hopes and dreams. Then graduating from college, was yet another wonderful landmark that was filled with accomplishment, pride and the yearning for what awaited me in the world of work. As the oldest of five siblings, I can vividly recall the births of all my brothers and sisters and how the family was abuzz with the addition of a newborn to our expanding family. Also, the day that I was able to buy my first car was a thrill and driving for a common errand became exhilarating, as I recall the new car smell when getting into it. The purchase of a home was also filled with much apprehension in the time it took to find the right place and all of that paperwork with banks, loan agents and title companies that was hard to understand, yet provided me with a huge smile from ear to ear when it was completed. I am sure many of you can think of many other examples that would fit into this arena. For me, one of the newest milestones is getting to the conclusion of a career that I have loved for so long, even through all of its ups and downs over the course of time. Recently, I arrived at this decision as I told people that I kept hearing the whispers from God, in particular in the middle of the night and they kept getting louder and louder. I have been contemplating what this would be like for many years before, however, getting to the reality of the moment was a different feeling. When I look back at what I was able to accomplish, I can find similar milestones in that timeline that provide me with more opportunities to beam at what was done through the course of hard work and dedication. It made me think about the legacy that I leave behind and again how proud I am of those who will continue on with the great work ahead. This coming July after attaining 34 years of state service this past month, I plan to retire.  Although the decision was a long time in coming, I truly feel a sense of a different happiness in knowing that I was given the privilege to arrive at this stage. There are many friends and work family colleagues that were made over this span of time that I have been working and I always thought that this chapter was so far down the road. Yet, here I am and completely filled with much gratitude for the opportunity to have served in different capacities helping the many people in need through out the communities that we served.  I believe that the processing of all of this will still need more time and there is another smile that comes to my face in knowing that although I loved this chapter, the story is not over. New ventures await me and with that some quality time spent with my family as we get to explore new places with a bit less apprehension in knowing that I don’t have to rush to go back to work at the conclusion. There are so many of you out there that have been part of my journey and I am completely grateful for all of the wonderful people that have crossed my path over the years. I am forever appreciative of the many instances where we got to exchange thoughts, ideas, conversations and laughter as well. With that said, I would like to say “Gracias” to all of you who were part of my journey. I look forward with great anticipation as the next chapter evolves and the new writing of it begins with the next steps after this conclusion.  I continue to wish everyone of you much happiness, joy, laughter along with ongoing health, so that we can continue to see each other down the road.  

“We have reached milestones that are far beyond what I expected.”

-J-Hope

The Essence of Resilience

In writing this column, I am doing so while I am still hearing updates on the news about the devastating fires that have caused catastrophic damage and loss to the Los Angeles area. I have watched countless images, videos and other testimonials on television and via social media about the impact of all of this to so many people and their families. It is scary to think that in my own neighborhood I was under fire evacuation orders many years ago due to wildfires that caused much destruction where I live as well. I have vivid memories of not sleeping that entire night as I sat watching the news on television, with packed photo albums, insurance paperwork, some clothes and food along with a couple of toys for my Siamese cat Diego.  Thankfully, we were lucky to have survived without any damage to us, however, driving up from my house over the next several days was very somber when I saw first-hand how many homes were randomly destroyed.  I also saw Sam Champion reporting for ABC news from New York on a corner in the neighborhood and it all felt very surreal. Hence, I feel the weight of the ongoing losses every time I get an update. As all of this plays in my mind, I saw a quote from the actor Keanu Reeves who was speaking on what resilience meant to him. Part of his quote stated, “Don’t define yourself by what you lost, but by what you do with what’s left”. This made me think even longer about the many individuals who have had to contend with the aftermath of a catastrophe and how they managed to get up the next day and put one foot in front of the other, as they began their long road to recovery. The scars of those experiences also remain with us for what can be a lifetime, however, how we use what we learned from it becomes part of our life’s lesson that we can one day share with someone else. Moving forward is never easy for anybody; however, it is one of the few alternatives that we have left after processing what just transpired. One doesn’t have to think very hard when you look at what is occurring in the world when you hear of damaging consequences to others as a result of a life changing incident. What I look for in all of these stories are the kernels of hope that are sprinkled throughout a difficult story, which feature how others helped in a time of need. Those individuals that become the heroes of these occurrences, are what continue to give us hope and remind us that good people do exist and lending a hand when there is a need can provide more transformative energy than the destruction caused by it. In our own families, I am sure that you can recall someone who was a vivid example of helping a neighbor, family member or friend. My grandmother was and still is one of my biggest inspirations, as I recall that although she didn’t have much, she was so generous in many different ways. If you came to her house around any of the meal times, she always had enough food to offer someone and would insist on ensuring that they ate something before leaving her house. She carried lots of change in her purse and if she ran into someone asking for money, she never hesitated to hand some of that out unconditionally.  I firmly believe that many us don’t have to look too far in our own families to find great examples of this type of generous behavior. Hence, as we continue to process hardships around us, remember you get to have the last word in how you pick up the pieces afterwards. My hope is that all of you show the world what true resilience can look like in the next steps of recovering from a setback and that in the process you become the living example to our next generation who are looking at us. Thank you to the many first responders, firefighters, volunteers and all of the people that put themselves in the middle of harm’s way to help someone in need. They are the living examples of heroes and sheroes that walk amongst us.   

“The key to life is resilience…We will always be knocked down.

It’s the getting up that counts.”

-Dominique Browning

 

Who Are You Becoming?

I was working on a different column several days ago, when I received an update from Instagram from a renowned speaker who is an educator that I follow.  I got to see him first hand as a keynote speaker at a national educator’s convention a few months ago. His name is George Couros and although I had never heard of him prior to attending his session, he was a very compelling speaker and his personal story was equally motivational too. The social media post had a quote attached to it, “Your attention needs to be on who you are becoming, rather than who you have been”, by Gary John Bishop. After seeing this, I decided I needed to write a new column and the old one will be finished at a later time. This quote made me think for a couple of days about those words and it took me on a trip through memory lane of my own life.  When I began to think about the who I have been before, I can vividly see different versions of myself.  My younger self was always focused on me and as youth always dictates many of the things I found to be important, were rather superficial as I look back today. I remember high school as an uncomfortable time due to the many things that a teenager goes through and feeling that I did not fit in. Interesting how this feeling is still alive and well today in the lives of youth, so I guess some things don’t change as much universally.  My college self, was also very me oriented, however, it showed me a world that was so different outside of where I was born, along with many interesting people that came from a variety of backgrounds than mine. I learned to appreciate all of the differences that could exist in others and yet in this one educational institution, we could all be the same.  When I started my career after college, it was all work and absorbing everything I could learn in order to be more competitive as I strived to enter into the world of leadership and my constant question to myself was, “how could I make this team even better?”. The answer to this has and always will be that I have to be better myself, in order for my team to want to follow me.  Learning new philosophies about leadership and looking for capacity building opportunities are also never ending. Hence, here we are as I looked through some stages of my past self and still, I struggle with the answer to who am I becoming. Well, I can honestly say that I am still a work in progress, however, wisdom has allowed me to make more calculated decisions about the next version of myself.  My priorities have definitely changed and what has impacted them have been my ability to see others around me grow and become better versions of themselves, that I aspire to further professional growth too. The fact that age shows us how important health and peace of mind are for instance can create a great source of personal joy with lasting benefits. Also, the enjoyment of simple things such as a get together with close friends that you haven’t seen in a while, while laughing so hard that you begin to run out of breath, are among my favorite past times in my world today. I will leave you with this open-ended question, as you can mull over the answer that is best for you. In it, I hope you find not only some nostalgic memories of who you once were, in addition, I hope you too are finding that the most important things that matter in your life, you still can have an impact on. I am here to remind you that it is never too late to change, have a different perspective and most importantly find everyday joy when striving to live a purposeful life. You are the captain of your own ship and you can determine when to set new sails for a different direction, if you find that it is needed. Keep challenging yourself to be that better version of you, while giving yourself some grace for any shortcomings that existed in your past.  None of us are perfect, so we all continue to make mistakes periodically.  The key now is to make sure the same mistakes are not repeated and that you continue your due diligence in carving out the path you want to travel, while paying no mind to anyone who disagrees with your plans. Ultimately, we are responsible for our life’s choices and how we proceed as a result, is for us to contend with. I wish you much success as you peel the next layer of who you are becoming and may it bring you much fulfillment in knowing that it will be a great next version of you. 

Coping With a Loss

I received some sad news several days ago, when I was told a dear friend's mother who I was very close to, had passed away unexpectedly.  I took a long pause and a million things went through my mind, as I was processing this.  I immediately went back to when I was in high school when I first met this person when visiting my friend's house after school.  She was always friendly to me and was a great cook, as she was the Registered Dietician for the school district we went to. As a result of this great friendship I had developed, I also got to experience a new culinary world that I was not too familiar with. At home I was very familiar with every type of Mexican dish you could think of, due to my grandmother's touch in our kitchen. However, at my friend's house I was introduced to unique things like tuna casserole, many different tasty Italian dishes and one of the most memorable for me was Beef Wellington.  We certainly did not have this type of variety of meals at my house, so I really felt like I was participating in a gastronomic experience, well before it was a thing as it is today. At the helm of all of this food that I was introduced to, was Eileen, who was my dear friend Joey's mother.  Throughout the years of our friendship, we had countless sit-down dinners and so many other wonderful conversations about life, especially when in high school and what we were going to do after graduation. The years progressed and my friend and his mom relocated to the San Diego area, where our friendship continued after I began attending San Diego State University.  On the weekends, I would go to their home and as a typical starving college student, I cherished our time together because it would also provide me with another great meal that was very different from my cost saving macaroni and cheese dinner that I had to endure for far too long.  Many more memories were made with these great friends, as they were there when I graduated from college and were among the first to cheer me on. I was also present to celebrate great milestone birthday parties and weddings for both her and Joey which brought more new family members into the circle. What I recall fondly is that after a celebration gathering and all the guests were gone, it was usually myself and Eileen sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a final glass of wine, as we contemplated what a great time we just had. My friend Joey would be up in his room playing video games and tending to the family dogs, while I on the other hand enjoyed having an adult conversation and many laughs with Eileen.  All of these memories have been peppering my mind ever since I found out the news of her passing and as I got the email advising me that articles for this newsletter were going to be due soon, I could only think of writing about how all of us have been touched in one way or another by beautiful people along with having to deal with some of their losses as well.  This brought back memories of my other childhood friend who lost his dad when we were both in seventh grade and I recall going to the memorial services, while not quite knowing what to say to my friend, as I too was confused and overwhelmed by the whole ordeal. I know that so many of you out there, have dealt with similar instances of losing loved ones either progressively or suddenly. Then the grieving process comes in many different forms as there are different people on this earth, to make things a bit more complicated.  I have also found that there is no measurement of time that one could look up as a standard, because there isn't any when it comes to how long one grieves.  What we cling to through all of this as we look for some silver lining that hasn't yet made any appearance are countless memories that were etched in our minds and in our hearts that enable us to smile if only for a brief moment.  This is also when our heart feels like it grows a few sizes to help us to absorb the shock, along with a flood of wonderful memories that were attributed to those loving individuals. I always try to remember the instances when we laughed so hard, that we couldn't breathe and how it felt like we had just returned from the gym as a result of our laughter workout.  We will never stop remembering all of those folks who left such an imprint in our lives. As time marches on and we get to some new milestones we pause as we look up and wish that they were still here with us to help us celebrate another beautiful moment.  Some of our losses occurred many years ago and our hearts remind us frequently that the greatness of an individual is not marked by the number of years where they made such an impression on us. Whether it has been a month, a year, five years or many more, there are those few folks that carved a space in our hearts very deeply that we simply can never forget them. I only hope that the reunion to come at a date not determined by me, will provide a great opportunity to see all of them again and our hearts can feel abundantly full, as we celebrate with each other as we once did.    

“We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.” ― Cassandra Clare

 

The Kindness Legacy

There are many inspirational quotes and signs that one can see quite often featuring the act of kindness. I personally enjoy reading all of them, because I use it as a reminder of what I should be doing on a consistent basis. For me kindness can begin with the smallest of actions, such as a simple smile towards another person that one may be crossing paths with. On an early morning a few weeks ago, it was a cloudy and misty start to the day as I was getting into my truck and a lady walked right by me on what appeared to be her morning walk. I stopped and smiled and said good morning to her. She in turn, just kept walking right by me without any response.  As I drove off, I smiled and chuckled to myself as I came up with a couple of excuses for why she didn't reply back. What I have learned over time is that I still have to continue with what I value in this world, like continuing to be kind towards others without having any expectations. Usually, over ninety percent of the time people will respond positively and smile back in those instances. The other levels of kindness can also take many different forms, from donating money towards a worthy cause close to your heart, to the donation of your time in volunteering for an organization or a special effort. All of these examples combined can speak to the possibility of what we would like to define in our lives as a cornerstone of our essential values. It was also no coincidence that as I was writing this, I happened to see an interview on television where a young boy in the south eastern part of the country had been given a dollar by his father for getting good grades in school. He ended up encountering a man who happened to be praying outside a diner early in the morning and the boy thought he was homeless and offered him the dollar. As it turned out, the man was shocked by the young boy's actions and he proceeded to tell him that he was the owner of a sporting goods store, where the alarm had gone off and he came to check on his establishment super early that day. It occurred so early, that he had not paid attention to what clothes he threw on before he left the house. It was a bit of a mismatch of clothing and then he realized that it all added up as how he could have been mistaken for a homeless individual. The man ended up buying the young man breakfast at the diner and when he found out that the only money that boy had he was willing to give to him, it made his heart full. Consequently, he invited his new found friend to a shopping spree at his store and gave him anything he could grab in 45 seconds. The interview ended with both of them smiling and speaking about their new found friendship which ultimately featured how that act of kindness not only brought them together, as they also were able to share the story with the rest of the world. This story brought further validation of the importance of this action and how one never knows how deeply it could touch another person. If you already put this action into practice or are contemplating how you can make some small changes to further enrich your life, I highly recommend you taking those steps towards adding to your kindness legacy. We cannot underestimate its power and while the world is watching to see what is not going right, it is a great counterbalance towards showing that same audience of what is going quite well among everyday folks around us. 

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
― Mark Twain

Milestones

After the beginning of a New Year, many folks think about the future and attempt to plan what they would like to accomplish in the ensuing time period. I think about this to an extent, however, I like to take a look back to see what was achieved previously for an even greater perspective. By looking at the last 5 and 10 years, I can almost guarantee that personal growth and wisdom has been part of your accompaniment. Part of the inspiration for this column was a news story that captured my attention about six sisters from Brooklyn, NY, who had to overcome many barriers from the beginning of their lives. Their family struggled financially and they were homeless at times. Although they sometimes slept in a car, they all spoke about the fact that they still did their homework and ensured that their education continued to be a priority. Not knowing where you will be sleeping and having the common necessities we take for granted of sleeping in a warm bed and having food on the table, can easily enable us to forget that others yearn for these comforts. For these sisters, despite their circumstances, they were able to overcome all of their adversity and all of them had the exact same lifelong dream of becoming nurses. When the news story caught up to them in present day, all of them already had achieved a masters in nursing degree and they were all finishing specialty programs and training, as they were seeking to achieve their next milestone of entering the world of healthcare. This is what prompted me to begin to think about the different types of breakthroughs that we all achieve over the course of time and we sometimes forget what achievements all of us have had. Just like these six incredible sisters who are the prime example to all of us of not being defined by your circumstances or your past, while keeping your dreams alive and ultimately being able to achieve them. I suggest the walk back in time just for a brief moment to contemplate what once may have been dreams, as you look around where you are today and take stock of those things that you have been able to bring to fruition. For a different perspective, I would also suggest asking some folks in your trusted inner circle to provide you with some feedback of what they believe are some of your successes. I preface this by saying that this exercise is not to be self-centered by any means, just to listen to what others have observed about some of the feats that you have been able to attain, without any bias. When I thought about this, I found that I had minimized some of my own accomplishments as I didn’t think I added the particular importance that was actually associated with them. Ultimately, it is nice to take a deep breath after having revisited some facets of your life knowing that as much as has transpired in prior years, there is still have much to look forward to. As we progress into the ensuing year ahead, be mindful of all that you have been able to realize as you plan for new goals and objectives that may add value to you and those closest around you. Think big and bold as there is no such thing as impossible. For reference, remember the story of the six nurse sisters as you seek to enter into your next phase of a well lived life. Having overcome a difficult beginning to your life, can be the pathway to a different second half of living. When you are able to bask in the milestones that have become a roadmap to what you have achieved thus far, one can still look forward to a great and fulfilling next chapter ahead.

“I look at victory as milestones on a very long highway.”

-Joan Benoit

Finding Personal Joy

I believe my first recollections about finding personal joy came from reading a number of stories in the news which all had some type of negative connotation about them. It is not hard to read a headline, breaking news or other similar highlighted topic on social media that would immediately take you down a rabbit hole of downward spiral conversations. For me, it is too easy to follow those and when you do, you don’t feel like you have forwarded any action. It all ends up making us feel like there is a heavier weight on our shoulders and one can even lose some sleep at night if you keep running some of these topics over and over in your head. What I have attempted to do over the recent years of my adult life, is to put some concentrated effort on finding the joyous moments that exist in varied amounts throughout a given day. It is quite interesting when you begin to put some effort into specifically looking for these gems and as time goes on, they come with a larger frequency and in greater amounts. One can begin their day by meditating, saying an affirmation, praying or deliberately speaking to yourself about what you would like to accomplish, as it relates to finding purposeful moments. Being intentional about what you wish to seek can open a door that can bring with it a swift enveloping wind which can embrace you with a warm hug and make you realize that there is much to be grateful for. My mom finds many of these moments in her precious garden which is adorned by the many types of different roses that paint her front and back yards with vibrant colors taken out of a beaming rainbow. Whenever I visit her, I take time to walk around and admire up close the beauty that exists there, while taking with me a wonderful aroma that can be stored in my memory’s inventory for any future date. In addition, my mom has also taken to providing a sanctuary for the many different birds who visit her backyard on a regular basis. My Siamese cat Diego made a trip with me recently and much different from the view outside of my windows at home, his eyes danced back and forth as he saw doves, pigeons, crows, hummingbirds and some other bird species that I could not recognize populating her backyard. I laughed just watching him as he took all of this in from the ledge of a dining room window, while the birds jumped in and out of different bird baths, ate from bird feeders and congregated amongst each other in this large aviary yard. Other folks may find joy in cooking, baking or finding happy moments in their kitchen. Perhaps you may get this fulfillment from various forms of nature; the desert, an ocean, lake, mountains or other bodies of water that you find this type of jubilance. Doing so can add a more purposeful balance to your life which can end up bringing more smiles to your face. I personally think if you have too many wrinkles due to excessive smiling or laughter, it is worth wearing those like badges of honor for the world to see. My point in all of this is that you can seek any moment of joy by being intentional. In closing, think about all of those things that can be this conduit in providing you with resolute cheer. Seek out the moments of personal joy which can transcend your day, week, month or year. Remember that you can orchestrate this for yourself and your loved ones around you. All you have to do is put some conscious effort and then wait to see what may arrive in those special instances that can be transformative in providing you with a higher level of fulfillment.

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river 

moving in you, a joy.”

― Rumi

Unconditional Giving

I had this discussion with a good friend of mine several weeks ago about the life lessons we have learned and how we remember the instances when we were taught something deep and meaningful. We spoke about unconditional giving and how difficult it can be to do this, especially when we begin to look for excuses about why we can’t. Take for instance the person on the street that may ask for money and we typically make a quick judgement about whether they need it, what they will use it for or perhaps we even go a step further and wonder why they seem able bodied and could possibly be working for a wage. All of these things may cross our minds all at once or in increments. The bottom line is what will we do at the conclusion? In addition, I thought about the holidays and when that comes around, we tend to have a softer spot for people in need and perhaps it is the spirit of the season that can spur us to be more generous as a result. Then more recently, you have a natural disaster like the one that occurred on the island of Maui and your heart goes out to the many affected folks and then you may look for opportunities to make a contribution that may help. All of these are opportunities for us to choose a way to potentially make a difference in the life of someone afflicted by something that has caused them to be in a vulnerable situation. Even more poignant is that the people affected must humble themselves enough to ask for help, in whatever form that may be.  This could be a very apprehensive time for someone who may not be used to asking for assistance. All of us are constantly presented with choices to help others, the issue that still persists is are we listening to our inner voice that points us to help or are we ignoring it? I wrote a long time ago about my own grandmother and how she taught me this lesson, as she would always carry lots of change in her purse and when someone asked her for money, she never hesitated and gave it without thinking twice.  Once, she asked me to give money to a woman outside of a restaurant who was asking for money, I initially refused and she promptly admonished me and told me to do as I was told. I reluctantly gave the woman the money and came back into the restaurant and when I sat down with my grandmother again, I gave numerous reasons for how this person was going to use the money to do bad things. My grandmother let me speak my mind and when I finally stopped, she looked at me and told me that it was her money and she could do what she wanted with it. She also proceeded to tell me about how she struggled coming to this country and if it wasn’t for the kindness of many strangers, she would not be where she was then. I never spoke about that after this and it wasn’t until she was gone that I realized the lesson she had taught me through her personal example and testimony.  I am sure many of you have been taught lots of different wonderful things by a close relative, friend, peer or perhaps even a stranger.  My hope is that you are willing to open your heart and mind to the possibility of what can occur if you follow your positive instinct in the process.  I highly encourage you to look for the opportunity that may present itself to you and choose to give without expecting anything in return. There are many ways to give, other than just through monetary means, so you get many opportunities to select from.  You will be amazed at what that transformative experience can do for your life and how your sense of self changes in the process.  It is absolutely true that it is better to give than to receive, you just need to make it a habit and do so without making a big spectacle in the process. The right eyes will be watching and more importantly by the time you go to bed at night, think about the smile you will have on your face before falling asleep when you realize how much joy this has brought you.  I hope you continue to look for instances of being of service to others and that you get to experience the true happiness and joy that comes when you give and let go. 

“Help others without any reason and give without the expectation of receiving anything in return.”

― Roy T. Bennett

No Limits

I saw a story on television several weeks ago that I thought was a rerun and had seen previously. It was about a father and his son with cerebral palsy, who competed in over 247 triathlons, while the dad began his first of many different endurance races at age 36. According to him, he was not in the best shape when he began, yet, he wanted to compete with his son who was unable to physically do many of these things because of his disability. Dick Hoyt and his son Rick, became hometown heroes in Massachusetts over the years, as they evolved from running races, with the dad pushing his son on a special wheelchair. In video footage Rick would light up with excitement from being with his dad in all of these competitions and when they took it up another notch to race in triathlons, they elevated physical endurance to new levels. I felt like I had seen this story before, because I remember following them over the years when they made the news. They also provided much motivation for many other families with children with disabilities that were able to compete with their parents, even in just walking together while pushing a wheelchair when a race competition was in their town. They amassed a following of people who would go to cheer them on if they happened to be in their city for a race. As it turned out I was watching this interview with both of them, because it was Father's Day Weekend and they wanted to focus on a special dad like Dick, who heightened the meaning of what a father is, through the many years that he competed with his son. Interestingly enough in the interview with Rick, it was discussed how he actually lived alone in an apartment with the aid of assisted living. Dick spoke about how proud he was that his son, who although was severely disabled physically, was extremely bright and smart, while still wanting his independence from his dad. Rick was also a college graduate with a degree in Special Education which took him many years to complete due to his disability. However, Rick persevered just like his father and even got a job at Boston College working in a computer lab helping to develop systems to aid in communication and other tasks for people with disabilities. Their story is special in so many ways because it has all of the elements of what it takes for one to overcome obstacles in life, no matter what hurdles one may be facing. In re-looking at their story, I thought about times in my own life where I believed I was going through such tough periods that I would not be able to overcome them. Miraculously, I always did and now when I look back at my own stumbling blocks, they don't seem to be as monumental as I remember them to be. It's funny how life gives you this different perspective, if you get the privilege of living more years on this earth. Going back to this special Father's Day Story, what I was not prepared for was the ending. I thought both father and son were still doing well, even though Dick ran his last marathon in 2014 and had shifted into retirement watching his son continue to excel in life. However, the story also provided updates to their lives and I was unaware that Dick had passed away in his sleep in 2021 at the age of 80 years old. Stunningly, I was also unaware that his son Rick passed away in 2023 at the age of 61 from respiratory complications. I sat at the end of this special interview with tears, albeit because of the sad news at the end, I think I was even more emotional in looking at their interviews that they spliced over the years and saw the deep love of a father and son. In one particular interview, Dick was asked about his feelings of having competed for so many years with his son in tow. Dick went on to say that when he began, he was out of shape and was not in the best condition to run any type of race, marathon or unfathomable to consider a triathlon. He looked at the camera and began to tear up, because he credited his having better health and being in great shape to his son Rick. The interviewer ended with a statement, that his son actually saved his life and then the full tears came from Dick as he wept and said yes. I was so emotional at the end of this segment, yet, I was also grateful to have seen it. I was reminded over and over about the importance of family, love, faith, resilience, community and so much more. I am so thankful to both of them for showing the world what can be achieved as they broke down barriers, especially for those with disabilities about what is possible in this life. I hope you are able to watch some of their inspiring videos, as there are many and will continue to live on via the internet. I know that they will inspire many other folks for generations to come and serve as a great example of the love between a father and son while beating great odds may look like to the rest of the world.

“Too many of you are doing great stuff in small ponds, it's time for a stir-up, break limits, break boundaries, breakthrough. Go, make it happen!”

- Bernard Kelvin Clive

Your Dreams and Reality

Several weeks ago, I saw a great story about the first black female journalist in the Western United States and her name is Belva Davis.  She is an extraordinary example of persevering to achieve your dreams and while she overcame so much as the first in her profession and geographic area of the country, her quote stood out like a beacon of light when I heard it.  "Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality.  If you can dream it, you can make it so".  Although her story is fascinating having to overcome so much in the world of television broadcasting that has been dominated by men, she blazed a trail for other women who would come after her.  That quote made me think about so many other things that I wanted to focus on as part of my column for this edition.  Just the thought that your dreams can become reality makes for some great thought-provoking conversation, even if you are by yourself.   When I first think about dreams, I go back to my childhood and remember wanting to live in a big house with a swimming pool and having all of the great amenities that could be afforded due to some form of wealth.  I think many of us can relate to having similar dreams.  Then as an adult the imaginative thoughts evolved to many other types of different things which included; peace, tranquility, serenity and health.  I know for a fact that my 10-year-old self would have never listed these things which I now cherish so much more.  Then when I heard Ms. Davis's quote, I was reminded about how many of our dreams do come true, however, the way they manifest themselves sometimes appear in different forms.  Think about the great dream of winning the lottery along with the items you have imagined you would buy with all of that new money. I used to joke with a co-worker of mine many years ago, that buying a $1.00 lottery ticket was way better than going to therapy.  With that one ticket, we could talk about all of our hopes and dreams along with what a better life we would have as a result.  I also recall during my college days and I would watch the TV show "Cribs" on MTV.  You would peek into these mansions of famous people with so many extravagant things inside along with a garage of luxury vehicles.  My college roommates and I would talk about how we too would have something like that once we graduated and moved on to our adult chapters.  Now I just smile at the many thoughts that ran through our underdeveloped minds and how things are much different now.  Yet, this quote from Ms. Davis resonates strongly, in that speaking something into the universe that you really want does come from a powerful place.  I also realized some time ago, that in order to make dreams turn into reality one should be very specific.  I had many dreams that came true in my life, however, in looking back over the years, I realized that I lacked specificity for many of the things which did occur.  What has not changed is that you do have control over what you want to achieve in your life.  Much of what we want does eventually come to us, although usually it is a result of lots of hard work and dedication.  Other items take longer periods of time while utilizing habitual practice before one finally sees an outcome.  What cannot be lost in all of this is that one must continue to have dreams as life is not over, until we finally get to leave this earth and if you believe in it, you can look forward to the great beyond.  I hope that many of you remember the dreams that you had as a child, teen and adult.  Take inventory of the many items that you did manifest as a result and continue to keep your new dreams alive as well.  Always maintain bold dreams and your higher power, the universe, God or whomever it is that you put your greater level of faith in, will put things in motion for you.  Just understand that those items that are for your personal good are usually what comes to fruition.   Being thankful for the dreams that did not come true can also be another column all by itself, as many of us don't realize until much time has passed, that not all things end up adding value to our lives and some things just do not bring you anticipated happiness either.  Finally, I hope you spend some time thinking about Ms. Davis's words and how you can benefit from being bold in your dreams and then making them so.     

“Dreams are never just dreams; they are reality waiting to happen.”

- Sarah Burton

The Color Between Leaves

During an extended holiday weekend, I was able to catch up on several films that had been on my to-watch list.  One that caught me by surprise was a film titled, "Local Color".  It was an older film from 2009, however, it was one of those that matched my profile, based upon other films I have watched.  When one turns out to be way better than expected I am always very pleasantly surprised, especially when it moves me to write something about it.  This story is about an aspiring young artist who loves painting and other arts.  When he finds out that a famous retired painter lives near him, he does everything he can to meet the artist and when presented with the opportunity he also asks him if he can teach him about painting.  Needless to say, the film is so much more than about painting.  It had many blended life teachings in it which I always find fascinating, in what life lessons can teach us about our journey on this earth.  Armin Mueller-Stahl, plays the part of the tortured retired artist who sees so many things wrong in the world and the lack of appreciation for beauty that is being ignored by many of today's contemporary painters.  The rest of the story, I will let you find some time to immerse yourself in a great little film, however, I wanted to focus on a few of the artist's specific lines which touched me as he was attempting to teach a young eager student.  In one scene the young man shows him a collection of portraits that he has already painted and wants to be critiqued.  The artist looks at all of his paintings and simply tells him that he is painting through the eyes of what others have already seen.  In a poignant moment, he imparts the wisdom he has accumulated through his many years of living, that one must look at life through one's own eyes and not via someone else's.  I loved this, because it reminded me of the many lesson's others try to teach us and yet our most valuable tutorials are learned from the mistakes that we each made and how we reacted to them afterwards.  Another favorite moment was to look through the trees and see how the light which comes through the leaves paints a greater picture for us than the actual tree itself.  This was another teaching moment on ways to see beyond what we sometimes think is right in front of our noses.  Think of the many times one may have been in a situation where you could not find the answer or outcome that was wished for.  In many of those instances, it was not until after we had a breakthrough in a personal situation, where we realized the response that we sought was often much simpler than what we thought.  I could go on for a lot longer dissecting the many other lessons the artist teaches this young man.  However, at the end of it you feel the life teachings which were imparted went far beyond painting substantial and meaningful portraits.  The film provided me with many reminders about what is truly important in our lives.  Among them was the need to connect to others, to help people when you are able and how many of the true joys in our lives come from very simple little things, which in many instances cost little to nothing at all.  I hope that all of you take time on a consistent basis to appreciate the multitude of beauty that is already part of your life, even as unexciting as it may seem.  Remember that witnessing a beautiful morning sunrise or a spectacular sunset with someone to watch it with you as a bonus, can make for a joy filled day.  Finally, also pay attention to the colors that you see between the leaves, the clouds and the stars, along with other nature views that we all may take for granted.  There is beauty all around us, we just have to train our eyes to see it.  Finally, take a moment to appreciate all of the wonders of nature, especially when you find a moment that can easily take your breath away as it fills your heart to the rim with gratitude for having been a witness to it.     

Hope

One of the things which can happen in our lives on different occasions is that we sometimes have to contend with trials or tribulations that were unexpected. Think about the instances when someone has an injury or suffers the loss of a loved one, we are then thrown into a tailspin as we try to pick up the pieces, after assessing where we are and how we will move forward. We see it happen more often than not, when you take a glimpse at the news and you realize a sudden tragedy has occurred as folks try to navigate not only their fragile emotions, along with making sense of something that was not planned and caused much pain. I for one try not looking at the news at the end of the evening, just so that I don't have those last images or messages in my head before going to sleep. If you follow any type of social media, one is already bombarded with all of these stories and breaking news events throughout the day. Hence, I save the recorded news casts to watch at my time intervals, so that I have a better sense of managing all that goes on around me. However, the item that I wanted to focus on in this column was on how to not lose hope and keep it alive despite the circumstances you may find yourself in. One of the definitions of hope that I found indicates the following; to cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen or be true. When you look at examples of people around the world who were champions of this emotion, one can point to folks who were steadfast in their belief that their circumstance would ultimately change or they sought the silver lining in the storm that they were part of. You also have many folks whose anchor of emotion is tied to their faith as they see it going hand-in-hand. When I am most amazed by some great examples of hope, it is when you hear a person fully resigned to the fact that they will be seeking the positive which can come after having survived a monumental tragedy. Think about the folks that may have exemplified this in your life. For me I have lots of great examples in the people who formed me, such as my own grandmother and mother. They at different periods in their life faced many difficult obstacles that would have deflated anyone or would have caused a prolonged lack of hope. However, what they showed the world and myself was that we need to have a spirit of perseverance, despite how low you may feel. Although life can knock anyone down, I was given the example that I should never simply give up on anything that I believe in. I am sure many of you in your own families have countless similar examples and the legacy of strength which was passed on to you to learn from was to keep that flame of hope alive for others to see. Hence, the examples are usually all around us, if we pay enough attention. Those heroes who may not have sought attention and preferred to do things quietly, are perfect illustrations of the shining lights which continue to illuminate our path. We must always remember that dark periods are not permanent and by keeping hope alive, you will be able to get through these and other challenging periods of your life. Remind yourself of your personal family heroes or perhaps your immediate circle of support who have inspired you through their resilient actions. I am sure that by looking at this list of folks periodically, it can help motivate and remind you of the ability to survive and anticipate your personal clearing ahead. Cheers to hope and for you to keep it alive among your loved ones, as all of us need it as part of our ongoing journey. The smallest amount of it in you will continue to blossom like a planted flower and eventually you will experience the beauty which comes from having this flourishing trait in all circumstances.